shedd...

Friday the kids and I tagged along with Ben, Amanda, and Molly for a trip to Shedd Aquarium.  The kids and I had never been there before so we were pretty excited.  The kids loved the aquarium and were mostly well behaved during our time there. :)  Brianna said her favorite part of the aquarium was the whale and dolphin show we went to at the end and I think Bryce just liked everything, they stood in front of the first tank for about 15 minutes looking at the big turtle and the fish in the Caribbean tank.  We all had lots of fun.  Thanks again Ben and Amanda for the invitation to tag along!  Enjoy some pictures from the day!

the one with all the cake talk...

As promised...here are some cake decorating tips from little old me.  I in no way claim to be an expert at this sort of thing, I have learned by trial and error and I just enjoy baking and decorating (so there is my disclaimer).  Feel free to ask any questions on anything you want clarification on, I will try to put in as many details about products I use as I can, but I may miss something here or there, I would be happy to answer any questions you have! Without further ado...
I start with boxed cake mix.  You can of course make from scratch, I however save my time and energy for decorating and not making cake from scratch.  When I make a yellow cake, I like the butter cake mix, it just to me has a really good flavor.

Mix cake according to directions and pour into prepared pan.  I like to use the spray that has flour in it(there are several different brands they all work fine, I use whatever is cheapest).  It works great if you use generously on the pans, the cakes come right out and you don't have to worry about the cake cracking/breaking as you try to get them out of the pan.

Bake according to directions.  When they are finished baking, I like to let them sit in the pan for about 10 minutes before taking them out of the pan.  After they are removed from the pan, let them cool completely.

After the cakes have cooled completely you will need to level them out. 

Time to stack!  Normally I use a bigger plate, but it has cracked so I just used a regular plate, I think this cause the cake to be a little lopsided but it worked out OK.  Between the layers of cake you can put in any filling you like.  I've used pudding, frosting, fruit.  When using strawberries previously I would put a layer of cool whip then strawberries then cool whip, I was worried that the strawberries would make the cake soggy, but really it is up to you, the sky is the limit!  On this particular cake I used funfetti frosting.



After the cake is stacked it needs to be crumb coated/dirty iced.  It basically just keeps all the crumbs stuck to the cake so it doesn't get in the fondant, to fill in any of the gaps between the layers and to give the fondant something to stick to.  You want the cake to be covered but it doesn't need to be super thick.  (I just used store bought frosting)

After the cake is frosted, put it in the refrigerator for a couple of hours to harden up the frosting.
Now it is time to start the decorating.  First thing you need to do is make fondant (you can buy fondant if you chose Michaels is a good place to get it).  This is the recipe I use. To cover this cake I used 24oz of marshmallows (so 1 1/2 times the recipe). 
Melt the marshmallows

The recipe says to mix in the powdered sugar by hand but I have found that you can use your mixer with the dough hook to do most of the messy mixing so that is what I do.

After it is mostly mixed (it takes a LOT of powdered sugar) you will need to knead the rest by hand. When kneading by hand you will need either solid shortening or non-stick spray to keep the fondant from sticking to your hands and the surface you're working on.

After it is kneaded you can add color.  I use food coloring gel (I got it at Michaels it is Wilton brand).  Knead the color into the fondant.

Roll out the fondant and then put on the cake.  Putting it on the cake is the trickiest part...a lot of this is trial and error but if you roll the sheet of fondant around the rolling pin you can sometimes transport the fondant to the cake relatively easily. 

After the cake is covered you can decorate it any way you want!  For this cake I was making a pond theme, so I used blue piping gel to make the pond and sculpted little frogs (not especially well) and lily pads from the leftover green fondant.  I used whole grain spaghetti with small pieces of brown fondant to make cattails and grey fondant to make some rocks.  Around the bottom of the cake I just colored some of the canned frosting green and piped on some grass.  (no need for piping bags or tips, just put the frosting in a ziplock and cut off one of the corners).  Here is the final product. 

I welcome any questions you have!  Hope this helps anyone who is looking for a few tips!  I will stress again I do not think I am an expert, by looking at the pictures you can see mistakes and flaws, I am just a girl who enjoys creating things.  Happy decorating!

my name is amber and i am a sporadic blogger...

Oh loves, are you feeling neglected?  I'm so sorry, things have been INSANE around here (hopefully in the next couple weeks I can fill you all in).  Here is the quick rundown...soo much going on, jobs (remember...I have 3 right now...4 if you count Bob and the kids :)), kids are great Brianna is actually at her first sleepover (at a non-family members house) tonight...my baby is growing up :(, Bob was in Boston for a few days last week, and we are excited to be visiting some great friends this coming week.  My mom is in town right now and I've been keeping her busy and working her like a dog.  (Don't worry, she isn't complaining...actually she is totally keeping me on task and for that and so many other reasons I love her).  My goal is to get a cake tutorial post up for my dear friend Abbie this week.  She asked for a tutorial in a previous post so I'm doing my best to fullfill her request (see ask and you shall receive)!  OK, I really must sleep now, morning will be here too soon!  Night night...I'll be back soon!!

(wow this post has too many parenthetical comments and WAY too many emoticons...yikes!)

the story of the birth certificate (or lack there of)...

Since I'm still in sort of a writer's block and in my previous post I mentioned that I didn't have a birth certificate until I was 18 I thought I would explain this little tidbit about me.

When I was 17-18 I lost my license somewhere.  I searched everywhere for that darn thing, cleaned out my car, my purses, looked around the places I worked and came up empty-handed.  So in order to get a replacement license you have to supply the DMV  (at least in Iowa) with two forms to prove who you are.  No biggie, I had a social security card and my birth certificate from the county (I think, right mom?)  So when we took them in they told us that they needed an official copy of the birth certificate from the state. Mom called (or wrote or whatever you have to do) to request a copy of my birth certificate.  They said they didn't have a birth certificate for me.  They asked her if she was sure that was my birth date, she assured them that that was in fact the day I was born.  They informed her they had no records of any births that day for the whole county (I think...or at least the hospital I was born at).  They told her that I would need to apply for a delayed certificate of birth.  My mom (the saint) filled out all the paperwork and got all of the information they requested (huge pain in the ass, right mom?) and about nine months later (I think in the middle of this we did eventually end up getting enough information to replace my license) I finally had a birth certificate and existed in the eyes of the state of Iowa.  Ironically about a week after I finally got issued a replacement license the old one was found.  Thankfully, this all happened when it did, I can't imagine going through all of that when we were applying for a marriage license.  I'm just wondering why the state was taking my money all of those years since apparently I didn't exist...I think I deserve a refund!! :)

(OK that wasn't a very exciting story written out, but that is what you get when I can't think of anything else to write about! :))

i'd like to thank the academy...

Actually...I'd like to thank the beautiful and talented Abbie over at Greening Sam & Avery for this award.  I feel a little less than stylish right now sitting in my paint-covered sweatpants, t-shirt and unwashed hair...but I'm blaming the blizzard on me not looking stylish today.  :) 

Now onto following the rules of acceptance -

1) Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award.
2) Share 7 things about yourself
3) Award 15 recently discovered great blogs/bloggers (The Versatile Blogger guideline was different the first time I received it so feel free to choose 10 or 15)
4) Contact the bloggers to tell them about the award

Hmm...what seven things shall I tell you my beautiful (and handsome) readers?  OK here it goes, hope this gives you a bit of entertainment if you are trapped inside like I am on this beautiful blizzardy (yes, that is totally a word!) day.

1. According to the State of Iowa I didn't exist until age 18 when I (OK really my mom) applied to get me a delayed certificate of birth.  They actually asked her if she was sure that was my birthday!
2. I feel completely socially awkward most of the time.
3. I am terrible at making new friends, but love meeting new people.
4. I have an unhealthy addiction to Reality TV.
5. I am a crier (at both happy and sad things).
6. I read 7 books during the month of January.
7. I am a night owl...I see 2am more often than I should.

Well, I'm not sure those are the most interesting things, but my brain feels like it is on a snow day as well!  Let's see...who to pass along this award to?  OK here are the people I think you should add to your Reader or bookmark (since probably 1/3 of the ones Abbie posted I love too!)!

1. The Creech Family
2. WantNot 
3. Woulda Coulda Shoulda
4. Joy Unexpected
5. The Spohrs are Multiplying
6. Curvy Girl Guide
7. the unwrapping
8. A Southern Fairytale
9. Notes From the Trenches
10. On My Bookshelf

Happy Reading!!

memories...

Isn't it crazy how our minds work?  I can't remember most of what happened yesterday, but I can tell you what happened six years ago today with amazing clarity.  I was pregnant, lying in bed having just talked to my mom on the phone.  You see, seven weeks before this very day (1.31.2005) my grandpa (her dad) was diagnosed with lung cancer.  This disease, in my grandpa, did everything completely the opposite of the way it "typically" does.  It "usually" responded well to treatment and grew slowly, it definitely did neither of those in his case.  Things were not good.  The phone rang as I was lying in bed...and I immediately started to cry...I knew who was on the other end and what the news was.  I don't even think Bob said the words.  I called my boss and told her I wouldn't be in for a few days.  I restlessly tried to sleep.  The next morning (it was a Tuesday) I had a doctors appointment scheduled and we were going to have an ultrasound to make sure the baby was doing OK.  I was on pins and needles anyway because of my previous miscarriage and when they took me back to the exact same room that the doctor gave us that devastating news less than six months earlier I felt my heart sink for an instant, but after that instant I knew I had an angel watching over me and my baby.  That while my grandpa wouldn't get the chance to meet his first great-grandchild on this earth he was protecting us.  When I saw that little heartbeat on the screen, I cried...I felt angry, sad, cheated, happy and hopeful all at the same time.  To say I was a mess of emotions is an understatement.  On the flip side of that, I also am lucky enough to remember the sound of his laughter, the way he looked when he smiled and most of all the love he always surrounded us with.  So today, even though I remember that exact moment six years ago...I'm choosing to remember his laughter and his smile and to let myself still feel surrounded by his love.

major mind block...

10 days and nothing...it seems I am reverting back to my old ways.  To be honest...I am tired, tired of my kids not sleeping through the night, tired of living in various states of chaos, and most definitely tired of winter and these gloomy days.  I just honestly don't have a lot to say.  I'm working 3 bookkeeping jobs and while none of them are a ton of hours combined  they are enough to suck any remaining energy I have out of me.  The kids are doing well (probably better than I am honestly) as I type they are jumping and dancing around the living room.  We spent a lot of the weekend clearing out our house.  Getting rid of the clutter and minutiae is such an amazing feeling.  For now, it is just being stored at another place (THANKS Bob & Nancy!) but as I climbed into bed last night I realized how peaceful I felt just because when I looked around our room I didn't see clutter.  There wasn't jewelry strewn across my dresser, there were no clothes on the floor or jammed in the closet or sitting on the treadmill (which I swear I'm going to use again soon).  We still have a few rooms to simplify/organize (the kids rooms and the kitchen) but we are definitely making progress.  Maybe a clear room will clear my head and allow me to create something on these pages.  Anything you guys would like to see here?  I've been reading a bit (it seems to be the only thing that helps me sleep) so I could review some of the books I've read anyone interested in that?  Give me some suggestions and I can write about them...anything you want to know about me?  I'm a mostly open book ;)  So lets hear it...what do you guys want to read about?

wondering...

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I write about here and what is off limits (to me personally) to talk about on the internet.  Sometimes there is something I want to write about so badly, but I always have to think things through and really decide if it something I'm comfortable sharing and what the consequences may be if I share and if it will it impact anyone else.  There are obviously varying degrees of what people think is acceptable to share on the internet.  For me, I rarely talk about my marriage...not that I don't think it deserves to be talked about but things that go on are not just my story to share, they are Bob's as well and it is something that I just don't feel comfortable sharing.  There are some that do not share pictures of their children.  Obviously, that is not the case for me.  Most of the people that read here know me (and my family) in real life, so I feel comfortable sharing pictures of my children.  I know as they get older what I share about their lives will have to be edited more, because again...they are their stories to share not only mine. How do you (if you blog) decide what you are going to share and what you aren't...is it purely a gut thing or do you have a list of things you will definitely never talk about?  I'd love to hear your process.

On a completely random note...I read an article the other day that it is incorrect to have two spaces after a period at the end of a sentence.  I took a typing class in junior high and we were taught to put two spaces.  I still use two spaces, I had no idea this was incorrect, and since I've been typing that way for over half my life, I'm not sure I'll be able to change now!  Do you use two spaces or one after your punctuation at the end of a sentence?  Inquiring minds want to know!

indoor snow day...

As promised the kids got to play in the snow today, I just didn't have to bundle them up to do it!  Abbie at Greening Sam and Avery brought snow into the tub and let her girls play in it the other day and I thought that would be perfect for us to do today.  I like playing in the snow, but I really hate being cold, so my kids definitely don't get as much snow time as they probably should, plus  I'm still being a bit cautious with Bryce because of the potential pneumonia, he seems completely fine but apparently I'm still a bit shaken about it.  But this seemed perfect for us, it wasn't a big deal if someone wanted to stop playing in the snow, there was no trying to get them to stay out longer to make it worth the hassle of getting dressed up, and if they wanted to come back to it, great.  The kids played for quite a while and had a blast throwing snowballs at the wall and seeing how big the snow mountain could get before it fell over.  I was going to get some toys out for them, but they didn't need them they were plenty occupied with just building with their hands.  Abbie also had a suggestion about coloring the snow outside, which I wanted to incorporate in today's playtime and thought would be fun but I didn't want food coloring staining my tub or surround walls (because they are still relatively new) and I thought Kool-Aid might stain as well (at least for a little while) so I found some tablets that we use to color the kids bath water (dollar spot at Target...woo hoo!) and dissolved those and squirted the snow with green and blue water.  I did this because I could only find one squirt bottle and I didn't want any fighting over it, the kids didn't seem to mind that I did that.  It didn't color it a ton but you could see the green and blue and the kids thought it was neat (you can see it a little bit in the pictures the snow wasn't dirty it was discolored because I made it that way!).  I will leave you with some pictures of our tub snow play (don't mind my dirty tub...YIKES!).  Thanks again Abbie for the great suggestion!!

snow, snow, snow!!

brrr...cold!

snow mountain

happy kiddos in ill-fitting gloves

pointing to the green snow

throwing snowballs

our snow head

today might be in danger...

You know your day might be off to the wrong start when you are sitting on the couch at 7am and you suddenly get a whiff of something  that does not smell pleasant. Then you look up and your sons hands are covered in poop.  Oh yes, that is how my day started.  Not sure why he decided to put his hands down his diaper, but I hope whatever possessed him to do it, never possesses him again.  Thankfully, he didn't touch anything and I got his hands cleaned up before he really even had the chance to touch anything, but seriously, WHY does he do things like that?  Ugh!  Anyway, I'm working really hard to prove that was not a sign of how the day would go and so far we've had a good morning.  Brianna slept late this morning and when she got up Bryce was so excited to see her, gave her a hug asked her if she slept well, gave her a kiss and then tucked the blanket around her on the couch, it was sweet.  We went out and ran some errands and the kids were fantastic and they are now watching Toy Story 3 (for about the 8 millionth time since Thanksgiving) until lunch.  After naps I'm planning on using Abbie's idea and bringing the snow inside.  I feel much better today but still not 100% and I'm not really wanting to get bundled up to play in the snow, so this seems like a good option.  I'll let you know how it goes and hopefully will be back with some pictures. Lets hope the afternoon goes better than the morning started!

purging...

2011 is the year of reducing things.  We need to clear out this house of all of the "stuff" we don't use and most certainly don't need.  Last night we started with a closet.  It is a little closet, but it was jam packed with stuff.  Toys that had been boxed up and put away for later and in case we ever had another child.  Toys that have been boxed up for the better part of two years and haven't been missed.  I have a hard time getting rid of things, not because I have an attachment to them myself but because a lot of the toys the kids have were gifts and I remember who gave them what toys for what occasion (it is a sickness I know), and I feel guilty about getting rid of stuff that people have so generously given our children.  But here is the thing, we don't have a lot of space in this house and we have little to no storage, so the fact that we have shoved this much stuff into this house is astounding.  We have NINE diaper boxes full of toys and stuffed animals that we have removed from the closet/toy box.  And we haven't even touched the toys in the kids rooms yet.  We will get there, and hopefully soon, but we have made a start and that feels pretty darn good!

I have some sort of bug that has landed me in bed for the day even though I was supposed to work today and really wanted to go visit a dear friend and her new baby!  Instead I'm going to lay down and take another nap and hopefully kick this thing out of my system for good. 

I cannot get well fast enough so I can go meet my new "niece" Molly Elizabeth Goodness born 1.17.2011 at 10:11pm.  So happy for Ben & Amanda, lots of love to you guys!

delurking day...

I see around the blogosphere that today is national delurking day!  Today you're supposed to come out and comment on blogs that you read but don't comment on.  I'll be honest...I don't comment very often on the blogs I read, but today I've already commented on two that I almost never comment on (I mostly comment on the blogs of people I know in real life) and I'm trying to comment on many more.  I know from my stats (yes I do look at them) that I have many more pageviews a day than I have comments or people that I actually know read here.  So...come on...I'll even make it easy for you, leave a comment and tell me the last book you read and let me know if I should read it (if you're not a big reader...tell me the last movie you watched and if I should watch it)  just tell me something! :)  Ready...set...go!

much too early...

Five a.m. is much too early for me.  That would be the time that Bryce woke up this morning (with a dirty diaper I might add).  He wanted to get up, go downstairs, have breakfast and all I wanted him to do was to lay back down and go to sleep.  I think he did fall back asleep around 7:30 for all of thirty more minutes.  So I am crabby...I will fully admit that on less than 4 hours of sleep I am definitely crabby.  I am crabby and overwhelmed and I'm struggling to want to do anything other than curl up in bed.  I don't feel like a good mom today, BUT after realizing what I was doing I'm choosing my words more carefully, speaking in a calmer tone (even if I'm fuming inside), Bryce just curled up on my lap and we read Runaway Bunny, even though I have a ton of work to get done.  I need to be more purposeful in my actions.  I need to embrace the moments when my little man says "mommy I want you" and not sigh because I know I will get nothing done and he will just want to get off my lap in a minute.  This mommy gig is hard and after five years I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.  Today is definitely one of those days where I feel more clueless than usual.  I blame you 5am, I blame you! :)

a book...a book...

I cannot begin to explain what it is like to hold in my hands 5 years of my writing and pictures.  I have no delusions that I am a great or even good writer or photographer...I read so many people who write exactly what I want to say and write it much better than I ever could.  I look at blogs that have the most amazing photographs, photographs that need no words.  BUT, this is me...this is my life, my thoughts...I write the way I speak, rambling and at times nonsensical, and I'm OK with that.  I'm more than OK with that...I am thrilled beyond belief to be holding this book in my hands, it makes me smile and cry all at the same time.  It brings me back to moments in time that would be lost without this blog and without my writing.  I can hold the last five years in my hands...it is amazing!

monday monday...

Whew, what a day (and yes I realize it is only 3pm and the worst part of my day is coming up). (geesh...I no sooner typed this than Bryce bit Brianna...good grief) Bryce has bounced back quickly except for the whole "I want mommy ALL the time"  he constantly wants me to hold him or be on my lap and will scream if I don't hold him when he wants.  He seems to be feeling better though I guess. The coughing has improved greatly and he doesn't seem to get as tired as he did before.  He got up really early this morning and refused to go back to sleep so of course he fell asleep before lunch and then would not nap after lunch so it has been sort of a long afternoon.  Today is Bob's first day back at the office in over a month.  At first it was a little difficult having him work at home while we were all here, but we adjusted and now we miss him.  We miss having lunch as a family and I miss that he would work until 4:30 or whenever and just be home.  Now, he'll work until 4:30 and then have an hour drive home.  Stinks.  But I'm sure he is enjoying the peace and quiet at work.  The kids actually did amazingly well with him here (after the first couple of days).  They didn't really bother him during the day while he was working and were relatively well behaved most of the time.  I am busy scrambling trying to get a million things done this month, all the extra forms for the end of the year that I have to do for my clients...January is not my favorite month, but I'm slowly crossing things off my to-do list.  We've been spending most of our time inside lately but I'm hopeful that once Bryce is completely better we'll get outside and burn off some energy.  (this is a really boring post I just realized...maybe I'll have something more exciting to write soon...but for now this is all I have!)

poor boy...

We're a whole six days into the new year it is about time for someone to go to the doctor.  Last night as we were putting Bryce to bed he said his ear hurt, after he said that we thought we'd be taking him to the doctor at some point today.  Well this morning he gets up and says it doesn't hurt.  Now, before you think I don't care about my son's health, he has had no fever, no change in mood, appetite, sleep, etc.  Yes, he said his ear hurt but we were also asking him over the last few days if anything hurt because of his coughing and ears were one of the things we listed so I wasn't sure that his ears actually hurt or if he was just mimicking us.  We also are no strangers to the coughing, both kids have had breathing issues/asthma pretty much since they were born, we know what to look for and how to treat it and when it is time to go to the doctor.  All of this said, tonight when Bob took Bryce to the doctor, the doctor listened to his lungs and didn't like what he heard, he said he sounded very "junky" then he went on with his examination...got to Bryce's right ear and said "well, that has got to hurt".  The doctor said Bryce has possible pneumonia and of course an ear infection.  He gave him a strong antibiotic that should knock both the ear infection and pneumonia (if he actually has it) out.  Bob just looked over my shoulder at this and asked why I was beating myself up over this.  Because I'm the mom, I'm supposed to know when my kids are sick.  Granted mine don't have the courtesy to run fevers or do anything to indicate that they are sick but I still feel like I should know.  The ear infection I'm not really beating myself up over, it is the possible pneumonia...how does that happen without me knowing..I am with this child every second of the day...I should just KNOW.  Anyway, my poor baby is on antibiotics and two different medications for his breathing treatments...and of course you would never know anything was wrong with him.  He is now tucked into bed (but is not sleeping yet) so I'm going to crawl into bed myself and watch Grey's.  Here is to tomorrow being a better day!

so it only took me 5 days...

I had every intention of finishing out the year with a real post and maybe even some great thoughts...but you know what happened?  My life.  We were at my parents over New Years and while we were there for almost 5 days it went too fast and there just wasn't enough time for everything I wanted to do.  On top of that, I got sick.  I still have a sore throat that I'm willing to get better, Bob has threatened offered to drag accompany my butt to the doctor if I'm not better by Friday.  Bryce has a nagging cough and cold so we've been doing breathing treatments twice a day, he has no fever or any other symptoms and unfortunately we are no strangers to breathing treatments around this house.  He is getting better, not that he ever really lets anything slow him down, but I can tell he is feeling more like himself.  So I think our Christmas festivities are now over and the tree is coming down tomorrow, I had planned to take it down today but lost all ambition after getting the wild man down for his nap.  I started my "to-do" list today...it is long...three pages long and my patience and ambition are running short.  I did cross a few things off my list (although they of course were ones I actually wanted to do and somewhat easy), made my 2011 calendar and ordered that along with a lot of other "free" stuff.  Bob laughs at me because all of this free stuff cost me $30, but heck...I got 250 business cards, a photo calendar, 2 personalized tote bags, a personalized pen, 25 business card magnets (for links of love), 10 large magnets with 2011 calendars (for links of love), 4 pads of sticky notes (also links of love), 1 large notepad, a personalized mousepad, a keychain, and a rubber stamp with our return address...I think that all is worth $30...someone back me up here! :)  I also ordered my book!  I have turned my first 5 years of this blog into a book.  I'm so excited to have a physical copy of my little piece of the internet.  Five years of my life wrapped up in 182 pages.  Thanks to my lovely friend Dawn who aided in this book happening as quickly as it did...LOVE YOU!  Other than that I did a whole lot of nothing today.  I'm having a very hard time getting back into the swing of things after the holidays, anyone else feeling that way?  I have a lot of work to do this month besides all the other things on my "to-do" list...I think 2011 is going to be a busy year for the Carroll family (NO, I'm not pregnant!), but there are definitely some changes that will be happening in the future.  I'm excited to see where this year takes us, but also extremely tired when I think about all the work that it is going to take to get us there.  With that...I will leave you with a few pictures from our time in Iowa! 

The capes my mom and I made the kids

i'm somewhere else this morning, but i'll be back later...

Go check out my birth stories over at Unexpectant.  Thanks so much to Meagan and Unexpectant for letting me share.  Go check out some other stories on there as well, if you are like me and hearing about people's birth stories you will love this site!  There are some amazing stories out there!  Happy reading!!

the aftermath...

Our living room looks like a toy store exploded, there are dirty dishes sitting in the sink, and I am sitting in my pajamas, yup...it is definitely the day after Christmas.  The kids got a lot of great gifts, wooden food, lincoln logs, puzzles, games...tons of stuff for imaginative play.  LOVE those kinds of gifts. Bob's family came over and we ate, played with the kids, worked on a puzzle and played a card game.  It was such a great day.  Today however, I am exhausted.  I would love nothing more than to curl up in bed with a new book  and alternate between reading and napping, but I will instead get my butt up, clean up the kitchen and submit to the many requests to "play with me" and "help me', because really...isn't that what the aftermath of Christmas is really about?   We still have some Christmas to celebrate this week and we are excited to see more family, but maybe I can have a nap first...otherwise I might not make it through!  Enjoy your Sunday of aftermath everyone!!  
**new pictures on shutterfly**

merry christmas...

From my family to yours I wish you the very merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years.  May God bless you and yours during this holiday season and throughout the new year.  I have so many things to be thankful for, including this little corner of the Internet.  It has given me an outlet when I so desperately needed one, thank you each for taking this journey with me and I hope you'll stick around to see what is coming next!  Health, Love and Happiness to you all!!

traditions...

Holiday time (especially Christmas), for me is about traditions.  As a kid (and even now on the years we are in Iowa) we always went to Christmas Eve mass and then came home to have homemade pizza for dinner.  Every year...without fail, I love it.  Now that I have a family of my own we are trying to develop our own traditions.  It is a little hard to do since we spend every other Christmas away from home (not that I'm complaining, mind you) but we try our best to make each Christmas special and are still trying to find our way with the traditions.  I'm still a fan of going to Christmas Eve mass, so that has become a tradition for us and of course if Santa comes the kids always open his presents on Christmas morning.  It, to me, is interesting in ways we blend our families traditions, I feel like we have kept more of my family traditions but have adapted them in small ways.  How do you adapt your traditions or create your own?  I would love to hear what your family traditions are.  I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!  May you and your families have many blessings over the coming days. Much love, peace and happiness to you blogland!

**THIS  is one of the many reasons I love the blogging community.  Merry Christmas!!**

first christmas celebration of 2010...

Yesterday was the first of our Christmas celebrations for this year.  We went to Bob and Nancy's (in-laws for those of you who are new here) to celebrate with the Caruso side of the family.  There was lots of good food and conversation and the kids enjoyed playing with each other.  My favorite part of the celebration was that it wasn't focused around presents.  Yes, there were presents for the kids, which they of course loved, but it was more just centered around being together and being a family.  Obviously presents are a big part of Christmas, I am just as guilty of it as anyone...(I'll take a picture Christmas morning to prove it to you), but I love when the bigger picture comes shining though.  I feel so very blessed to not only have the family that I was born into but also the one I married into.  We are surrounded by such love and support and that was pretty evident to me yesterday.  Christmas is here...I feel it.  (I have no pictures...sorry!)

friday was better...

On Friday I did manage to only check my email right away in the morning and then the kids and I played in Bryce's room until lunchtime.  We built things with blocks, played cars, put puzzles together, read books and watched a movie.  There was only a little fighting.  That is not to say the entire day went smoothly and that the time I spend working on the computer is the source of all our problems, it certainly isn't.  Our afternoons are always the roughest part of the day, I'm not sure why...but we/I always struggle during that time.  My patience seems shorter the kids seem crabbier, I don't know what our issue is but we definitely struggle.  Maybe we need a little more structure in our afternoon?  It is just hard because Bryce's naps are so sporadic lately so I never know if/when and for how long he'll nap.  Friday was no different, we had our moments and dinner again was a disaster.  But when everyone was finally down for the night I felt good about the day.  I guess that is a step in the right direction.

today...was not the best day...

I'm really struggling tonight.  I am tired, overwhelmed, and irrationally upset.  I can say it is the kids behavior and part of it is.  (listening is a real struggle around here these days).  Bryce doesn't ever want to eat.  Brianna was never a picky child, she pretty much ate whatever we put in front of her or she'd at least try it.  Bryce, pretty much refuses to eat anything we give him.  Oh, give him some poptarts, cereal or cookies and he can eat a truckload, but try to get him to eat some chicken or hamburger it is like we're trying to kill him.  Lets understand something here, I'm not asking him to eat a whole steak, just a few bites of protein every now and then so I know he isn't going to starve anytime soon.  He just messes around at dinner until everyone is mad and yelling and he is sent to bed.  But, is there more to it than that?  We've been working a lot these days...Bob with his job and me with my few clients here and there, but we both spend a lot of time at the computer.  Bob has been working from home the last few weeks due to some construction at his office so he is here, but not available to the kids (as it should be...I'm not complaining about this).  I'm starting to wonder if their acting out is because it is the way they get undivided attention from us.  This realization makes my heart hurt, it makes me sad and makes me feel like I'm failing as a mom.  So, over the next few weeks I'm making a conscious effort to close the laptop to stop working and checking my email while the kids are awake, to be more involved in their day-to-day, to play more, yell less and to make sure they hear "yes" when they ask to play instead of "in a minute". I still have to be at my computer a certain number of times a day, but for the rest of this year (and hopefully beyond) I'm making an effort to only be on here during set times.  I don't want to feel like a failure anymore.  I know this is not the magic "fix-all" but I think it is a start.

restless...

Since we got back from my parents on Monday Bryce has not slept well.  He will wake up and refuse to go back to sleep.  I'm usually a fan of cry it out, but this child is stubborn.  He will scream until you go in his room.  So, instead of letting him sleep in our bed, we have been going in his room and sleeping on the futon.  He has also been refusing to sleep in his bed and will instead sleep on the futon.  So last night I went in there, unfolded the futon and laid down with him.  I swear that 25lb boy is really a 400lb man.  He takes up SO much room!  I got sleep in about 10 minute spurts because he flails around so much I was constantly getting a foot to the face, elbows to the abdomen, fingers trying to poke out my eyes.  Very restful as you might imagine.  And when he is not trying to injure me, he is trying to fall off the side of the futon.  I'd startle awake and see him with his body hanging off the futon, of course head first so I'd pull him back on the bed which led to an additional 15 minutes of flailing around.  In addition to all of this fun the kid snores and talks in his sleep like crazy.  It is crazy. AND if that wasn't enough, usually if he wakes up before I do he starts using me as a jungle gym and climbing, standing and even jumping all over me!  So if you ever run into me and I have a black eye or a giant bruise on my arm, just know that I didn't get into a fight I was trying to be a good mom and comforting my child while he attempted to sleep.  For this morning I'm sitting with a giant cup of coffee and knowing it was all worth while because this morning he woke up, put his little hand on my face, and said "nice mama".

slacker...

Geesh, I average a post a day in November and then December comes along and I am back to my slacking, neglectful ways.  I sort of expected it though, December is such a crazy month with Bryce's birthday and the holidays.  I cannot believe that Christmas is only 10 days away!  It should feel more like Christmas to me since my shopping is done, wrapping is done and the Christmas cards are out, but I'm just starting to feel the holiday spirit.  As much as I tell myself every year I'm going to slow down and enjoy this time, there just always seems to be so much stuff to do and squeeze in.  Last Thursday Angie and I decided to make an impromptu trip to Iowa to do some holiday baking.  It was fun to be together and bake cookies and make candy.  The kids had a great time playing together, but  were slightly rotten  terrible rambunctious during the time we were there.  We of course picked the weekend that there was a blizzard warning to go and ended up staying an extra night.  Our usual 3 to 3 1/2 hour drive home was more like 4 on Monday, but we made it home safe and sound and only a slightly stressed out mama!  We start our Christmas festivities this weekend with the Caruso family on Sunday.  Bob is on vacation (starting Friday) for the next two weeks and we're hoping to be able to squeeze in a movie sometime in the next two weeks and we have plans for dinner with some friends.  We are here (in Illinois) for Christmas this year and then traveling to Iowa for New Years.  I'm excited to spend the next couple of weeks surrounded by family and friends, we are so very blessed.  I promise to be back at least a couple of more times before the end of the year!  Until then, here are some pictures of my latest creations.  Scrabble tile pendants! (you can check them out with more detail over at links of love...either go to the links of love tab or click on the link!)

a small way to say thanks...

My sister sent me this email today and I had to share.

XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING COOL

If you go to this web site, http://www.letssaythanks.com/ you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services.
How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! It is FREE and it only takes a second.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.
This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time, and please take the time to pass it on for others to do. We can never say enough thank you's.
Thanks for taking to time to support our military!

So, I'm asking you, my lovely readers, to take some time and sent a thank you to a deserving soldier.  These brave men and women risk their lives to protect our families every single day, they deserve our thanks and support.  I cannot imagine being away from my family, especially this time of year, this is such a small thing we can do to bring a smile to these soldier's faces and to let them know they are appreciated.

wondering...

Does anyone else just feel like time is racing by?  OK, when it is 3pm and the kids are running around and have lost their minds it is like time stands still and those couple of hours feel like they last days.  But in general, I feel like years are passing in mere moments.  Christmas is fast approaching, and I remember being a kid and always wondering why it took so long for Christmas to get here.  Now, I'm saying to myself, man...it is Christmas time already?!?  My babies are 5 and 2 and I remember the day they were born like it was yesterday.  Maybe I'm so wrapped up in the day-to-day, making sure bills are paid, kids are fed, the house looks relatively clean, and I'm working as much as I can that I just am not appreciating my life in any real way.  Of course I always contemplate the big days, anniversaries, birthdays, etc...but those individual days don't make up someone's life.  Yes, they are important and deserve to be recognized...but it is the little things...the day to day things that compose our life's story.  Why don't we I appreciate the little things more?  Next year, Brianna will be in school and we won't be able to take long weekends to visit family or friends, things will be different and I'm excited for the changes the new year will bring...but I'm also a little afraid of letting go of what we have now.  I want my kids to grow up...that is what they are supposed to do, but I feel like it has all gone too fast, I need more time.  Can Santa bring me that for Christmas?

and now go visit these two ladies...they are much more fun to read and their photos are much more fun to look at than anything I have here!

go check out my friend Abbie's post over at Unexpectant.  I love hearing/reading people's birth stories and hers is a good one!

if you live near Eden Prairie, MN are you having Holly at Lily Bella Photography take your kids/family's pictures because you should be!  She has been taking some amazing photos lately.  If she didn't live so darn far away, she'd be taking my little man's 2 year photos.  Maybe it is time for a roadtrip... hmmm :)

behind already...

It is only the 5th of December and I'm already behind on my blogging duties!  In my defense we had Bryce's birthday party yesterday and after everyone left I was so tired I couldn't put a coherent thought together so I watch Alvin and the Chipmunks The Squeakwal (sp?) instead.  I didn't even clean up the dishes last night, ugh...that wasn't a pretty sight to wake up to, but it is done now!  I have a cold that I'm being a complete baby about because I'm just so tired.  Normally a cold/sore throat like this wouldn't knock me down like it has, but this one is really kicking my butt.  Anyway, Bryce's party was a ton of fun, we had a taco bar (which I've never done before, but I think was a huge success!).  And his cake turned out really good, except for when it broke right before the party started.  Oh well.  I fixed it the best I could, and it was still pretty yummy, if I do say so myself!  All-in-all it was a great way to spend a Saturday, even with all the snow!  I like snow as long as I don't have to drive in it, and I didn't...so it just looked really pretty to me! :)  Anyway, here are a few pictures of the little man and his cake.  (I'll be uploading the other photos shortly).  I'm going to crawl back into bed now and watch a movie.  Happy Sunday!

two...

Dear Bryce,
Today, my sweet boy...marks your second year on this earth with us.  The time seems to have gone so fast, but in truth,I have a hard time remembering what life was like before you.  In my mind, that small baby we brought home from the hospital (twice) simply cannot be the little boy I see before me.  How do I put into words who you are in this moment?  Opinionated, yet sweet, determined, but loving, mischievous, but always quick to say you're sorry.  You grow and change everyday before my eyes, and I am amazed at the person you are becoming.  You challenge me in ways I didn't even know possible, but through it all...you make me a better person and most definitely a better mom.  Every day I learn more about patience, kindness, forgiveness and love from you.  I think you teach me more than I teach you.   You make me smile and laugh, cry and scream, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If our life had a soundtrack right now there would be lots of chaos, crying, screaming for 'nacks, but there would also be laughter, oh the laughter.  Your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard.  I think the laughter is what I'll remember most over the last two years.  Having you in our lives has been a roller coaster to say the least, but it is possibly one of the best rides I've ever been on.  Life is never dull (or quiet) with  you around.  What can I say Bubba, other than you are one of my life's greatest gifts and every moment I get to spend with you is a blessing.  I know I'm not perfect and I've made my mistakes, but there is no mistaking that I love you with every fiber of my being and I will try with everything I have to be the mama you deserve, and you deserve the best, baby boy. 
Happy 2nd Birthday!
I love you with everything I have and everything I am.
Love always,
mama

oh december...i would like to be friends...

I started this week so hopeful.  I was ready to tackle the cleaning, baking and cooking that accompany having a birthday party for a certain (almost) 2 year old.  I was excited to make his cake and get the Christmas decorations up.  Well, the decorations are up but the house is a disaster (it is slowly getting better, mostly because of my wonderful husband), we still haven't unpacked from the weekend, Bryce has croup and the medicine that is supposed to be making him feel better is mostly just making him crabby.  And not, I don't feel well so I'm crabby...no, I mean a raging, out-of-control, screaming kind of crabby.  And I am just tired.  I want to curl up in a ball and have someone wake me when the sun is shining and no one is sick and my house is clean...is that too much to ask?  Yeah...I thought so too! :)  To make myself feel better I've been entering contests...in the last month I've won an amazing set of blocks for Bryce (thanks Greening Sam and Avery for helping out Santa) and a Tiger Woods golf shirt for Bob.  I've entered probably 10 contests all for the same book, The Beauty of Different.  A bit obsessive...maybe, but I REALLY want this book.  Lets be honest I'll probably go buy it if I don't win one, but everything I've read about it makes me feel like I need to have this book in my possession. I'm sure I've used up my contest luck, but heck I'm going to keep trying.  I guess I should go attempt to clean something and then head to bed early (wishful thinking) and tomorrow will be a better day full of cleaning, cooking and baking!  Happy December everyone! :)    

final november post...

I cannot believe that it is the last day of November today.  Where has this month, heck...where has this year gone?  Can you believe that I posted 31 times this month?  I'm going to try to be better about posting (at least during the week...the weekends are a little trickier).  I don't have a lot to say tonight, Bryce was up in the middle of the night, he has croup (at least)  we may be taking a trip to the doctor tomorrow if he isn't better, he sounds pretty awful.  Hoping that the germs stop with him, we have a birthday party to throw on Saturday!  I'm going to try to get everyone to bed early and hope that some good rest will have healing powers.  I'll leave you with some pictures of the boys (Braden & Bryce) birthday party.  Hope you are all staying healthy! 

monday monday...

Oh Monday...why must you be so hard on me? I am still recovering from the weekend. We didn't get home until late last night and now it seems that some germs are invading our house! Ugh! And...since the germs are invading...I got nothing for you tonght. I'll be back tomorrow hopefully with some pictures from the weekend. I'm off to tuck everyone (including myself) into bed. Tuesday, will you be my friend?

2 great giveaways!!

Just popping in to tell you to go enter these two great giveaways!!

Welcome to our Wonderland is giving away Jemos, an adorable little eco-friendly shoe.  Go over there and enter (many chances to enter)  I'm hoping Bryce would still fit in these  (if I win) but if not, they'd be a great gift!! :)

Greening Sam and Avery is still running their Mama May I giveaway.  Great little green toys.  We could all use a little less plastic under the Christmas tree!

shop 'til you drop...

Oh goodness, I am tired.  We left mom and dad's Saturday morning at 7am.  We got home at 1am on Sunday.  That is a lot of shopping.  The good thing is that I am 99% done with all of my Christmas shopping and Bryce's birthday shopping.  It is such a good feeling to be done.  I got (I think) some great gifts at great prices and am all-in-all happy with how the day turned out.  I had a great time shopping with my mom, sister, aunt and grandma.  There was tons of laughing, joking and great bargains...what more could a girl ask for? :)  Hopefully when I sort through the stuff I still feel like I am done shopping!

thanksgiving wrap up...

Hope all of my lovely readers had a great Thanksgiving.  We had a wonderful time celebrating with family in Iowa.  Thursday started with having my grandmas to my parent's house to celebrate both Bryce's and my nephew, Braden's birthdays.  The boys did great sharing their party, and there was plenty of cupcakes and cookies to make everyone happy.  Mom cooked a fantastic meal and we all had a great time.  Thursday night we celebrated Thanksgiving with my mom's side.  The kids had a great time running around and playing with the puppies (two of my cousins brought their puppies).  Everyone headed to bed when we got home.  Mom, Angie and I headed out shopping early Friday morning and got a few things (we were only gone for a couple hours) and then we helped mom put up her Christmas decorations (it was freezing outside...brr).  It was a good, but tiring day, lots of laughing and fun.

gobble, gobble...

From my turkeys to yours...have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!  I have so very much to be thankful for, including the wonderful people who visit my little corner of the blogosphere.  Much love and happiness to you all this holiday season! 

to infinity and beyond (wordless wednesday)...

the final show...

If you have read here for a while you know I have great love for Minus Six.  They are (were) a Quad Cities based band, who's members are friends of our friends.  Over the last 3-4 years we have gone to many shows and have gotten to know the band members.  Their shows are so fun, it is impossible not to smile and laugh and dance at their shows and as an added bonus the guys are amazingly sweet and fun.  Well, after their 7 1/2 year run they have decided to move on and they had their final show on Saturday night.  After much scrambling and last minute plans my friend Dawn and I drove to Rock Island, IL to see them play their final show.  We met up with our friends Alli & Steve (and Gavin) for dinner and then watched part of the show with them.  Dawn and I were determined to make it to the end of the show, but by the time 1:30 rolled around we were both beat, so we ended up leaving then and missing the last 30ish min of the show.  The guys had 300 (according to their facebook event posting) friends, family, and fans attend their last show.  It was amazing, they played straight through, and I for one enjoyed every minute of their show.  Someone posted their final song on YouTube, so I'm sharing it with you.  AMAZING! :)

another giveaway...

Just letting all my faithful readers know that there is another giveaway going on over at Greening Sam and Avery.  Looks like some pretty cool toys!  Head on over there and enter to win, and if you're like me and say, "I never win anything...why bother" Well let me tell you, you can win!  Because seriously, if I can win...so can you.  :)  What are you waiting for?  Get over there, spread the word and maybe this week will be your lucky week. 

when i knew...

**I guess I will publish this today since I did accidentally and it is showing up in my google reader, I guess it was a sign to just publish and stop overthinking it!**

A lot of people I know are pregnant or have recently had babies, this got me to thinking about how I knew I was ready to have kids.  I know the exact moment it happened. 
I have always wanted kids, anyone that knew me for more than 10 minutes knew that.  It is the one thing I have always wanted.  After Bob and I got married, I knew I still wanted kids, but the question was when.  I didn't feel ready right after we got married, I wanted to enjoy married life, and quite selfishly I enjoyed only taking care of myself.  About a year after we were married we were surprised to find out we were expecting.  I will be honest, it was a mixed bag of emotions for me.  I was happy, excited...but really really scared.  I didn't know if I was ready.  I still felt like a kid, so how would I be able to take care of a baby.  I am terrible with secrets, so during the time we weren't telling anyone I withdrew.  I didn't talk to my mom or sister as much, I was shorter with friends.  All because the one thing that was occupying all of my mind I couldn't talk about.  We did tell our parents and siblings before we went for our first doctor's visit, but asked them to keep it quiet until after we had our initial visit.  Our first visit didn't yield exactly what I thought it would, the baby was measuring smaller than it should have and there was no visible heartbeat, the doctor wanted us to come back in a week, because it was possible the baby was just to new/small to see the heartbeat yet, but by the next week it should be visible.  At the next appointment there was still no heartbeat, and we heard the devastating news that I had had a miscarriage.  The doctor wanted to see us back in 2 weeks, I had to get out of the office so Bob stayed to make the appointment.  My heart broke into a million pieces.  I still (6 years later) remember every single detail of that appointment, what the room looked like, how it smelled, the exact words the doctor said.  Needless to say the next few months were very rough for us, lots of wondering and what-ifs.  So, yes, I know the exact moment I knew when I was ready to have kids...it was the exact moment that I found out our baby was gone.  That year we bought a Christmas ornament that says "snow  fun without you" and on the back it says Baby Carroll 2004.  Each year as I hang that ornament I get a little sad, but it makes me feel even more that our angel is a part of our family.  It has been six years and two kids, but I still wonder how our family would be different if the miscarriage had never happened.  I look at my two babies and know that my first angel hand picked them and sent them to me, that my family is exactly the way it was meant to be, but there is still an ache left in my heart.

the fuzzy line of censoring...

I've written several posts over the last few weeks and either deleted them or they are sitting in my draft folder.  I am a serial people-pleaser and am constantly worried about how others are judging me.  So, when I write a post all of these thoughts run through my head, is it funny enough, will anyone like it, will anyone be offended, am I sharing too much,  will anyone relate, is it written well enough and most of all will anyone read it and come back to read more.  Does anyone else deal with this?  I started this blog as a way to keep family and friends updated on our little family, but after 5 years it is becoming more about me, the person I am at this moment.  The struggles and triumphs, successes and failures, the good AND the bad.  My hope is that one day my kids will read through this and understand a little more about who their mom is, and for me this is a little like my form of therapy.  I have a post sitting in my draft folder that I want to publish, but I'm afraid of how it will be received.  I think tomorrow I will just suck it up and publish it...what is the worst that can happen?