much too early...

Five a.m. is much too early for me.  That would be the time that Bryce woke up this morning (with a dirty diaper I might add).  He wanted to get up, go downstairs, have breakfast and all I wanted him to do was to lay back down and go to sleep.  I think he did fall back asleep around 7:30 for all of thirty more minutes.  So I am crabby...I will fully admit that on less than 4 hours of sleep I am definitely crabby.  I am crabby and overwhelmed and I'm struggling to want to do anything other than curl up in bed.  I don't feel like a good mom today, BUT after realizing what I was doing I'm choosing my words more carefully, speaking in a calmer tone (even if I'm fuming inside), Bryce just curled up on my lap and we read Runaway Bunny, even though I have a ton of work to get done.  I need to be more purposeful in my actions.  I need to embrace the moments when my little man says "mommy I want you" and not sigh because I know I will get nothing done and he will just want to get off my lap in a minute.  This mommy gig is hard and after five years I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.  Today is definitely one of those days where I feel more clueless than usual.  I blame you 5am, I blame you! :)