3653 days...

Dear Bob,

We have spent 3653 days as husband and wife (I'm sure you're going to check that to make sure I'm right, but the internet told me it was 3653 days so you know it has to be true...the internet doesn't lie).  How can I even being to reflect on those days with you? You know I'm going to try though right?  I was going to write 3653 words for 3653 days, but man, that is a lot of words...my wittiness wears off somewhere around word 1000.  Back to the topic at hand...

A few weeks ago while we were driving I asked you if this is where you thought we'd be in 10 years, standing in that church as wide eyed kids.  You thought for a moment and told me that you didn't really have a picture in your head about where we would be in 10 years other than knowing we'd have at least a couple kids.  You asked me the question in return.  I don't know if I ever really gave you an answer or if I just beat around the bush as I am known to do when I can't find the right words.  So, here is my answer...10 years ago I would have said we'd have some great kids who never misbehaved and always listened, I would be a mom who never yelled, I'd be a wife who'd always have a clean house and food on the table.  Ten years later I can say this, we have two great kids...as far as the misbehaving and listening, well you live there too, I don't need to tell you how that is going.  I yell far more than I'd like, the house is almost never clean and although I do cook quite often, it is sometimes more of a struggle than I'd like. I am tired, stressed and sometimes beg for just a few minutes of peace and quiet. 

These last couple of years have pushed us to the brink of insanity (or in my case, closer than I had previously been), they were hard and I didn't know if they were going to ever end.  But you always did (or at least you put on a brave face for me), and as hard as it was there was never any question that we were on the same side, fighting and working toward the same goal. 

I don't know that I am any wiser than that girl was 10 years ago, but I do know there is no place on earth I'd rather be and no one I'd rather be on this chaotic roller coaster with. Our perfectly imperfect life is more than that wide eyed girl could have ever imagined, it is beyond anything I could have dreamed and everything I never knew I wanted.

So, where do I see us 10 years from now? Watching Brianna finish out her junior year in high school and getting ready to be a senior, praying for our lives as Bryce starts driving (oh dear...this is starting to scare me...hopefully the next 10 years go a little slower than the last 10) but mostly I just see us...together.
Together is all that matters, the rest is just icing on the cake.

3653 days is a drop in the bucket compared to the amount of days you'll be stuck with me. 

Thank you for an incredible 10 years and for always being my biggest fan and best friend.

Love you more than all my rambling words can possibly say.

Love always,
me

2013...

I had so many songs I wanted to pick for this year.  But when it comes down to it...I will love you forever and ever (and yes I realize this is written from a man's point of view...but the sentiment is still the same).  Happy Anniversary!

You may think that I'm talking foolish

You've heard that I'm wild & I'm free

You may wonder how I can promise you now

This love that I'm feeling for you always will be

You're not this time that I'm killing

I'm no longer one of those guys

As sure as I live this love that I give

Is gonna be yours till the day that I die -- Oh baby

I'm gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen

As long as old men sit & talk about the weather

As long as old women sit & talk about old men

If you wonder how long I'll be faithfull

I'll be happy to tell you again

I'm gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever Amen

They say that time takes it's toll on a body

Makes the young girls brown hair turn grey

But honey, I don't care, I'm not in love with your hair

And if it all fell out well I'd love you anyway

They say that time can play tricks on a memory

And people forget things that they knew

But it's easy to see it's happening to me

I've already forgotten every woman but you -- Oh baby

I'm gonna love you forever, forever & ever amen

As long as old men sit & talk about the weather

As long as old women sit & talk about old men

If you wonder how long I'll be faithfull

I'll be happy to tell you again

I'm gonna love you forever & ever, forever & ever Amen

Just listen to how this song ends

I'm gonna love you forever & ever forever & ever

Forever & ever Forever & ever Amen

2012...

We are finally home...such a good feeling to be back together as a family.

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone

Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

2011...

This was a rough year for us, the house, living apart it all was just a lot at one time.  Not sure I could have gotten through it without you.

Sometimes it feels like, I'm gonna break

Sometimes this world, gives more than I can take

Sometimes, sunshine gets lost in the rain

And it keeps pouring down

It just keeps coming down.

This life would kill me If I didn't have you

I couldn't live without you baby

I wouldn't want to

If you didn't love me so much

I'd never make it through

'Cause this life would kill me

This life would kill me if I didn't have you.

You are my heart, every breath I breathe

I'm safe in your arms, you rescue me.

When I'm weak, you're strong

If you were gone I don't know where I'd be

You were made for me

(You were made for me)

This life would kill me If I didn't have you

I couldn't live without you baby

I wouldn't want to

If you didn't love me so much

I'd never make it through

'Cause this life would kill me

This life would kill me if I didn't have you

If you didn't love me so much

(If you didn't love me so much)

This Life would kill me If I didn't have you

(This life would kill me)

Couldn't live without you baby

I wouldn't want to

If you didn't love me so much

I'd never make it through

'Cause This life would kill me

This Life would kill me if I didn't have you

2010...

We didn't have a lot of money during this time (although thankfully we didn't have to live in a van) but we sure had a lot of love, and that was enough to get us through.

So we live in our old van

Travel all across this land

Me and you

We'll end up hand in hand

Somewhere down on the sand

Just me and you

Just as free

Free as we'll ever be

Just as free

Free as we'll ever be

We drive until the city lights

Dissolve into a country sky

Just me and you

Lay underneath the harvest moon

Do all the things that lovers do

Just me and you

Just as free

Free as we'll ever be

Just as free

Free as we'll ever be

Ever be

No we don't have a lot of money

No we don't have a lot of money

No we don't have a lot of money

All we need is love

We're free as we'll ever be

Just as free

Free as we'll ever be

Ever be

So we live in our old van

Travel all across this land

Me and you

2009...

Gosh did that little man throw our world into a tailspin, but I am so grateful for every day I get to spend in paradise.

The kids screaming, phone ringing

Dog barking at the mailman bringing

That stack of bills - overdue

Good morning baby, how are you?

Got a half hour, quick shower

Take a drink of milk but the milk's gone sour

My funny face makes you laugh

Twist the top on and I put it back

There goes the washing machine

Baby, don't kick it.

I promise I'll fix it

Long about a million other things

Well, it's ok. It's so nice

It's just another day in paradise

Well, there's no place that

I'd rather be

Well, it's two hearts

And one dream

I wouldn't trade it for anything

And I ask the lord every night

For just another day in paradise

Friday, you're late

Guess we'll never make our dinner date

At the restaurant you start to cry

Baby, we'll just improvise

Well, plan B looks like

Dominoes' pizza in the candle light

Then we'll tippy toe to our room

Make a little love that's overdue

But somebody had a bad dream

Mama and daddy

Can me and my teddy

Come in to sleep in between?

Yeah it's ok. It's so nice.

It's just another day in paradise.

Well, there's no place that

I'd rather be

Well, it's two hearts

And one dream

I wouldn't trade it for anything

And I ask the lord every night

For just another day in paradise

Well, it's ok. It's so nice.

It's just another day in paradise.

Well, there's no place that

I'd rather be

Two hearts

And one dream

I wouldn't trade it for anything

And I ask the lord every night

For just another day in paradise

2008...

Just as we were getting comfortable...surprise! I wasn't sure how we were going to do it, but after seeing our handsome little man, I was never so grateful for 18 inches.

It’s about fifteen hundred miles to California,

They’ll get there Friday if they leave tonight,

She sneaks out at three thirty in the morning,

Leaves a note so she won’t see her daddy cry.

He cuts the engine when he coasts in the driveway,

She slides in and gives him one kiss for the road,

No friends and no family, no job out there waiting,

The whole town will call them crazy but they gotta go.

Cause when you’re young and in love, yeah,

You might do some things that don’t seem all that smart,

Cause there ain’t no greater distance

Than the eighteen inches from your head to your heart, yeah.

They can barely make rent on a rundown apartment,

She’s waiting tables and he’s a valet,

They’re behind on the bills and the car’s barely running,

But he buys a ring with the tips that he’s saved.

When you’re young and in love, yeah,

You might do some things that don’t seem all that smart,

Cause there ain’t no greater distance

Than the eighteen inches from your head to your heart.

Last thing they need is another mouth to feed, but they want one,

They’re just kids themselves but that’s gonna change in nine more months,

She wakes him up at three thirty in the morning,

Ready or not their new life’s gonna start,

Seven pounds and eighteen inches,

The doctor lays that new baby’s head right on her heart.

When you’re young and in love, yeah,

You might do some things that don’t seem all that smart,

But thank God for those eighteen inches,

The distance it is from your head to your heart, yeah, yeah, yeah.

2007...

Life is comfortable and we are settling into our routine, we're doing alright.

Alright, alright

Yeah, it's alright, alright

And I don't need five star reservations

I got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine

I don't need no concert in the city

I got a stereo and the 'Best Of Patsy Cline'

Ain't got no caviar, no Dom Perignon

But as far as I can see I got everything I want

'Cause I got a roof over my head

The woman I love layin' in my bed

And it's alright, alright

I got shoes under my feet

Forever in the eyes staring back at me

And it's alright, alright

Yeah, I got all I need

And it's alright by me

Maybe later on we'll walk down to the river

Lay on a blanket and stare up at the moon

It may not be no French Riviera

But it's all the same to me as long as I'm with you

May be a simple life but that's okay, yeah

If you ask me baby I think I got it made

'Cause I got a roof over my head

The woman I love layin' in my bed

And it's alright, alright

I got shoes under my feet

Forever in the eyes staring back at me

And it's alright, alright

Yeah, I got all I need

And it's alright by me

It's alright by me, yeah, yeah

When I lay down at night I thank the lord above

For giving me everything I ever could dream of

'Cause I got a roof over my head

The woman I love layin' in my bed

And it's alright, alright, alright, alright

I got shoes under my feet

Forever in the eyes staring back at me

And it's alright, alright, alright

Yeah, I got all I need, yeah, I got all I need

And it's alright by me, oh yeah

It's alright by me, yeah, yeah, yeah

2006...

3 years in and working on the art of compromise.  (on a side note this video cracks me up with the hair and the clothing!)

It was 700 fence posts

from your place to ours

Neither one of us was old enough to drive a car

sometimes it was rainin and sometimes it would shine

we wore out that gravel road between your house and mine

I start walkin your way you start walkin mine

we meet in the middle neath that old Georgia pine

We gain a lot of ground cuz we both give a little

aint no road to long when we meet in the middle

It's been 7 years tomorrow since we said our vows

under that old pine tree you oughta see it now

standin in the backyard remindin me and you

that if we don't see eye to eye

there's something we can do

I start walkin your way you start walkin mine

we meet in the middle neath that old Georgia pine

We gain a lot of ground cuz we both give a little

aint no road to long when we meet in the middle

Babe I love the way we work it out

That's what love is all about

2005...

Nothing quite like the birth of your child to make you see God everywhere.

Just walked down the street to the coffee shop,

Had to take a break,

I've been by her side for eighteen hours straight,

saw a flower growing in the middle of the sidewalk,

pushing up through the concrete,

Like it was planted right there for me to see,

The flashing lights,

The honking horns,

All seem to fade away,

but in the shadow of the hospital,

at 508,

I saw God today,

I've been to church,

I've read the book,

I know He's there,

But I don't look,

near as often as I should,

His fingerprints are everywhere,

I just look down and stop and stare,

open my eyes and then I swear,

I Saw God Today,

Saw a couple walking by,

they were holding hands,

and she had that glow,

Ya, I couldn't help,

but I noticed that she was starting to show,

stood there for a minute,

taking in the sky,

lost in that sunset,

a splashing down from mounting in shades of red,

I've been to church,

I've read the book,

I know He's there,

but I don't look,

near as often as I should,

His fingerprints are everywhere,

I just look down and stop and stare,

open my eye and then I swear,

I Saw God Today,

Got my face pushed up against the nursery glass,

she's sleeping like a rock,

my name on her wrist,

wearing tiny pink socks,

she's got my nose,

she's got her Mama's eyes,

my bran new baby girl,

she's a miracle,

I Saw God Today

2004...

The first year of married bliss where you think the little fights you have are the truly earth shattering, getting to know each other and work out some of the difficulties that comes with being newly married, and needing someone wiser to remind you that this is the good stuff.

Well, me an' my lady had our first big fight,

So I drove around 'til I saw the neon light.

A corner bar, an it just seemed right.

So I pulled up.

Not a soul around but the old bar keep,

Down at the end an' looking half asleep.

And he walked up, an' said: "What'll it be?"

I said: "The good stuff."

He didn't reach around for the whiskey;

He didn't pour me a beer.

His blue eyes kinda went misty,

He said: "You can't find that here.

'cause it's the first long kiss on a second date.

Momma's all worried when you get home late.

And droppin' the ring in the spaghetti plate,

'cause your hands are shakin' so much.

An' it's the way that she looks with the rice in her hair.

Eatin' burnt suppers the whole first year

An' askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up.

Yeah, man, that's the good stuff."

He grabbed a carton of milk an' he poured a glass.

An' I smiled an' said: "I'll have some of that."

We sat there an' talked as an hour passed,

Like old friends.

I saw a black an' white picture an' it caught my stare,

It was a pretty girl with bouffant hair.

He said: "That's my Bonnie,

Taken 'bout a year after we were wed."

He said "Spent five years in the bar,

When the cancer took her from me.

But I've been sober three years now,

'cause the one thing stronger than the whiskey

Was the sight of her holdin' my baby girl.

The way she adored that string of pearls,

I gave her the day that our youngest boy, Earl,

Married his high school love."

"An' it's a new tee-shirt saying: 'I'm a Grandpa'.

Bein' right there as our time got small,

An' holdin' her hand, when the Good Lord called her up,

Yeah, man, that's the good stuff."

He said: "When you get home, she'll start to cry.

When she says: 'I'm sorry,' say: 'So am I.'

An' look into those eyes, so deep in love,

An' drink it up.

'cause that's the good stuff.

That's the good stuff."

2003...

Sorry to fill up your blog feeders with my gushy, full of love posts, but 10 years is something to celebrate and it is my blog so I'll gush if I want to! :)

As sort of a gift to my wonderful husband (and to myself) here is a recap of our 10 years together, via some of my favorite songs. These songs all make me think of our life together so far.

Bob,
I know you aren't one to actually listen to the words of songs, so I helpfully posted the lyrics below.  Love you!
The year we got married was one of the best of my life.

Forever can never be long enough for me

To feel like I've had long enough with you

Forget the world now, we won't let them see

But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted

Love has surely shifted my way

Marry me

Today and every day

Marry me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will

Say you will

Together can never be close enough for me To feel like I am close enough to you

You wear white and I'll wear out the words "I love you"

And you're beautiful

Now that the wait is over

And love has finally shown her my way

Marry me

Today and every day

Marry me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will

Say you will

Promise me

You'll always be

Happy by my side

I promise to

Sing to you

When all the music dies

And marry me

Today and everyday

Marry me

If I ever get the nerve to say "Hello" in this cafe

Say you will

Say you will

Marry me

a celtic witch (a review)...

This little gem arrived in my inbox yesterday...and I guess this German girl had a little luck of the Irish that I didn't have anything planned so I could sit down and spend my day reading this book cover to cover. 

A Celtic Witch brings us back to Nova Scotia to catch up with grumpy Marcus and his lavender eyed sweetie Morgan (who single handedly is making Marcus a little less grumpy).  But Marcus' world is about to be upended once again when Cassidy Farrell, a world famous Irish fiddle player, ends up in Fisher's Cove.

Cassidy loves her life on the road, she is a wandering soul but every year she removes herself from the hustle and bustle of touring and spends some time in Nova Scotia to replenish her soul.  It is the one time a year she goes to where the rocks call her.  This time something is different, the touring is taking it's toll on Cassidy and while she cannot imagine not preforming anymore she is developing a need to have some roots and a place to call home.  With the help of a community who has adopted her as one of her own, will she find that she can have both roots and wings?

I've said it a thousand times in a thousand ways, I love this series.  There is just something special and magical about this series to me.  This series is filled with love, family and community and really, what is better than that?

**I received a copy of this book from the author, but all opinions are mine and mine alone**

needing advice...

So, I'm back on the wagon to eat better, exercise more regularly and lose some (or a lot) of weight.  I do OK eating wise at work and I tend to drink a lot of water during the day.  My real problems come in at home...maybe because I have access to food here more easily than at work or maybe it is just a long ingrained habit...I don't know for sure what it is..but I need help.  What do I do to avoid eating at home or at least snacking mindlessly or late at night?  Any tips would be welcome.  I know I need to start tracking what I'm eating...so I'm going to start doing that again, but any other tips would be great.  I'm not big into crash diets or completely eliminating food from my life because for me that is just not sustainable.  I want to be able to drink a beer, have some ice cream, etc when I want to.  I don't want to feel like I'm in a food prison, because I know that will just make me want those things even more.  I have a significant amount of weight I want to lose, but it isn't about being skinny I just want to feel better about myself and most importantly be around for my kids and husband for a long, long time.  So have at it...what should I be doing to get on the right track??

finding a balance...

I've never been very good at balance.  When I dive into something I usually dive in headfirst and whatever I'm doing consumes me until I'm done.  Lately, I've been somewhat obsessed with hanging things on the walls and decorating the house.  I spent a day while the kids were sick printing new pictures finding picture frames and hanging stuff.  I have ideas of other things I want to do, but don't have the supplies to actually complete them.  I just finished reading 11/22/63 (the novel by Stephen King) it is about 850 pages.  Any free time I had while I was in the middle of that book went into reading it until I was done.  See, I get consumed by a particular project until I can check it off my list.  I'm better about multitasking at work but in my personal life I just can't seem to balance a bunch of stuff at once.  Obviously, I can't just be consumed with the kids for the next 11-14 years and not do anything else, but I don't know how to spread my time out, how to do things for myself and for everyone else without spreading myself too thin.  With a full-time job, 2 side bookkeeping jobs and the kids, I barely have any time left for Bob, much less myself, and in general the time I have for myself I honestly just want to sleep!  What is the key to a balanced life (or at least a more balanced life)?  How do you find time to do things that feed your soul and re-energize you when you feel like you have nothing left?  I know there are some very smart and well balanced mamas that read this...so I'm looking to you, wise ones, to help me have a more balanced 2013.

just go to sleep would ya....

I'm what...7 days and 4 posts into the new year and I'm already out of things to talk about. 
Here's one...bedtime routines...what do you guys do to get your kids to bed with no fuss?  I know there are some of you out there, we have friends that put their kids down at 6-7 pm and they don't hear another peep out of them until morning.  On more than one occasion Bryce has been up well past 10pm.  We put him to bed and he just continually gets out of bed until someone yells and then he will eventually pass out.  Both kids are hard to get up in the morning (neither have ever been kids to get up at 5am...ever!), but we're combating that with family breakfasts. Even though they don't have to leave for school until close to 8am, they get up at 6:15ish and eat breakfast with me before I go to work.  This gives them time to eat, get dressed and truly wake up without being too rushed in the morning.  So far it seems to be helping and mornings seem to be a bit less stressful (although truthfully, Bob would be the one to ask since I'm out the door by 6:30/6:40 every morning...but he tells me it is helping).  Bedtimes are still a struggle though...both kids say they are scared and want to sleep with us...this is not an option in our house.  I honestly don't think they are scared, it is just a stall tactic.  We've tried letting them play for 15 minutes in their rooms before bedtime to unwind a little, they get plenty of notice that bedtime is approaching, but still there is crying almost every night.  So, those of you that are bedtime magicians with kids that just go to bed at bedtime...what is your secret??  This worn out mama wants to know!

dinner chat...

We are a meal plan family.  I print out the calendar every month (sometimes a couple of months at a time) and we sit down and decide what we're having for dinner every day that month.  Thursdays are always leftover days (because Friday is garbage day) but other than that...we don't really repeat any meals during the month.  I have a list of probably 35-40 things my family will actually eat (they might not all be favorites..but in general they will eat what I put in front of them)  We generally grocery shop for the entire month (although there is always trips for milk and fresh produce in the month as well) but for us this works...we save money on groceries by not making multiple trips during the week and by not eating out when we don't feel like cooking or when "there is nothing to eat".  Now, that is not to say that we still don't occasionally decide that we don't want what is on the menu and swap it for another day or break down and get pizza or subs, but our meal plan drastically reduces those urges.  I don't mind making dinner when I get home from work and don't first have to decide what to eat.  Does anyone else make a meal plan?  What are your favorite go-to recipes?  I'm always looking for new things to try!
Oh...and in case you didn't notice...I posted some more cake pics on the cake/cookie page!
(sorry for the super random post...we just made our January meal plan and got groceries so it was on my mind) :)

possibly the year of more posts...

In addition to nurturing my friendships more, I'm going to attempt to nurture my little blog more.  It most certainly is the first thing that gets neglected when I get busy or overwhelmed, but truth is...I love writing here. On Bryce's birthday this year I looked back to the posts leading up to and immediately following his birth and was so incredibly thankful for every poorly written post.  I smiled and laughed and teared up and remembered so vividly those moments, things I probably would have forgotten.  So, I'm back on the saddle...for now at least! I'm hoping (but never really believing) that life is going to be slowing down a little now that we are settled in our house (which we still adore!) and in a pretty good routine for the moment at least.  So, my question to you is...what do you want to know?  I need to get back in the habit of regularly writing as it seems that as my company moves more into social media an insurance blog is in my future (don't worry...it'll be informative and fun...just like me!)  Also, even though I have a huge stack of books to read...what are the best books you read in 2012 that I should definitely read?  I'm half way through 11/22/63 and I love it...I may review it...but I always think my book reviews stink so we'll see.
So, the floor is yours...ask away and leave those book recommendations!