anyone still reading....

Wow...I really have nothing to say about the unintentional hiatus I've been on.  Life is crazy.  To give you an example of how little time I have these days.  I opened my google reader for the first time in quite a while and saw that I had about 700 unread blog posts (that was about a week ago...so we're probably nearing 850-900 by now).  I quickly closed it because that is pretty darn overwhelming.  I have probably 15-20 shows on the dvr that I haven't had time to watch...and people...I LOVE TV.  There is just not enough hours in the day.  Anyway, I know lame excuse for not being around...but that is all I've got.
Ha!  I even started writing this days ago and just got back to it.  I have so much to say...but have the hardest time coming up with the words that don't make me sound like the whiny cry-baby I am and the constant need to defend myself and the way I feel. 

In short, things are hard and crappy around here lately.  The house is still unsold and is now priced so ridiculously low it makes me physically sick to think about it.  But, if it means we can all live together that is what we have to do, because the only thing harder than not being able to sell this house is not being able to be together.  We're giving the house until the end of June and if it hasn't sold, we're going to pull it from the market and look for a renter. 

I feel like one part of our life is in a holding pattern while the other parts of it are moving at the speed of light.  I want us to have a normal life again, not just weekends together.  I miss parenting as part of a team, I miss cooking meals for my family in my own kitchen and I miss curling up next to Bob to watch a movie or play cards or just talk.  It is hard. I try to put on my brave face and go about my days like nothing bothers me, because I have to for the kids, but inside...I'm a wreck.  Sometimes I fall apart, but mostly I keep in on the inside because if I completely fall apart I'm not sure how long it will take to put myself back together.  I truly feel like it will all be worth it, but right now...it is just so damn hard. 

OK, pity party over.  Onto something else...

Brianna learned to ride her bike without training wheels!  I'm so proud of her and more importantly she is so proud of herself.  The look of sheer joy on her face when she "got it" was the best thing I've ever seen.  On another note, we had her parent teacher conferences tonight and her teacher said she is really a model student and we should be so proud of her, and we really are.  She is doing so well in school and loves it at Aquin (a big part of the reason it feels so right  to be living here).  I'm so ridiculously proud of this kid, she is pretty amazing.

Bryce is...Bryce.  He is sweet and funny and too smart for his own good.  His teacher also said he was a wonderful kid to have in class although she did say she has to be careful about changing the schedule if she already told the class they'd be doing something because Bryce will call her out and tell her that she said they were going to do something else if she changes her plans on them.  She said he knows things that some of her older kids don't know and she is amazed at how well he does with puzzles.  He is a good kid and we're so very proud of him...I just really wish he wouldn't use up his allotted listening for the day at school so he could listen a little better at home! :)

As for me, I've had a couple of great weekends with some wonderful friends (much needed) and I'm still really enjoying work (other than feeling like there isn't enough time to do everything I need to do). 

Bob just got back from a conference at Disney World and is here spending the week with us.  (yay!)  He is busy (as always) with work and I think is tired of the quiet empty house.  We love having him here and the kids are over the moon now that daddy is under the same roof. 

I think that about does it.  I really want/need to share more about this amazing conference I went to a couple of weeks ago, but I'm too tired to do it tonight.  I promise I'll be back, I forget how therapeutic it is for me to write, even if no one reads it or if it doesn't make any sense to anyone but me.  :)

Thanks as always for checking in on us. Much love to you all!

keeping my promise...

A real update!  I know you're all shocked, but it was bound to happen sooner or later, right?  So, where to even start...I guess at my last post I had just gotten my new job.  I've been there for 2 months now and I can truly say that I love it!  It just fits for me, the people are great the job is interesting and I am very very happy.  Bryce is adjusting to daycare.  He still has days where he cries and he's afraid I'm not coming to pick him up, but he adores his teacher and he is always pretty excited about the things they do each day.  Brianna still loves school and we just got her very first report card.  We are so happy and proud of how she is doing in school it is so reassuring to see her thriving here.  Bob is still busy at work and comes to visit (or we go back to IL) about every other weekend. 

The house still hasn't sold, which stinks.  We are closing in on a whole year that it has been on the market.  It is frustrating to say the least.  I'm just soo soo ready to have my family back together again.  In the last month I have really fought the urge to pack the kids up and head back to Illinois.  If I didn't love my job so much I probably would have.  It is just so hard and I'm tired of seeing the kids sad, I'm tired to trying to keep everything together and trying to be OK. I'm not OK, I miss Bob...I miss our family just being together and I hate saying goodbye more than we say anything else. 

BUT, I know this won't last forever (even if it feels like it will) and I am constantly reminded of why we are doing this.  Seeing Brianna playing with Kelsey (my cousin and best friend since birth's daughter) doing exactly the same things we did as girls makes my heart happy and makes me certain the decisions we're making are the right ones. 

However, if anyone wants to know what they can get me for my birthday...an offer on our house would be the perfect gift! :)

Time for bed...5:30 will come too early in the morning! 

(Thanks Grandma for always checking up on us...I'll try to give you something to read more often!  Love you!!)

i know i owe you an update, but first....

A book review!  (Grandma I promise to come back and write again soon!)

I received Witches Under Way by Debora Geary a week ago.  Believe me it didn't take me a week to read it, this is just the first chance I've had to write a review.  Witches Under Way is the sequel to Witches on Parole Unlocked, a spin off (of sorts) of the Modern Witch series.  I may or may not squeal with delight every single time Debora's name appears in my inbox.  I truly have loved every single one of these books, and she always leaves me itching for the next installment.  Anyway, enough rambling...on to the review!

 Witches Under Way finds us once again catching up with Elsie and Lizard, both of whom are working through their personal baggage on their way to becoming the kind of women and witches they were meant to be.   Lizard is becoming quite the realtor-in-training, but shows her true passion when she begins taking poetry classes at the local college.  Elsie is slowly trying to recapture some of the childhood she never even knew she missed, and all of our favorite witches are there to help them along the way.  To the shock of everyone, even themselves, Elsie and Lizard have formed a bond and are becoming each others biggest supporter, while at the same time being the one to help push the other to do things they didn't know they could.

I'll admit, I was sad when I got to the last page of this book, I couldn't believe it was over so quickly and I wanted to see what happened next in the lives of Elsie and Lizard.  I cannot wait to see how their story ends (however, I will hate to see it end at all). 

Another wonderful book by Geary.  This entire series is a must read in this girl's opinion!

a reckless witch...

I received the third installment of the Modern Witch series by Debora Geary the day after Thanksgiving.  And while I normally devour this series in one sitting moments after receiving it, this time I was in the middle of another book and Christmas shopping.  Then, I started a new job so my reading time was drastically cut.  All of this to say, I would have read this in one sitting if I could have.  This was hands down my favorite one of the series so far.  I love seeing how the characters grow and change throughout the books. 

We once again get to catch up with all of our favorite witches and are introduced to a new witch Sierra.  She has been separated from the witching community for  her entire life and has now found her way back to them.  As the other witches get to know Sierra they discover she is a very powerful witch, so much so that even Sierra herself doesn't realize the magnitude of her power.  The downside to all of this is that Sierra's mother was a very reckless witch and didn't teach Sierra the safeguards necessary to protect those around her from her magic.  As the community tries to teach Sierra about being safe while using her magic they all learn a necessary lesson about finding a balance between safety and being free.

I think A Reckless Witch spoke to me so much because as a mom, I am constantly trying to find the balance of letting my kids be free to be who they are and to have fun, all the while trying to teach them to be safe and responsible and trying to protect them from things that can cause them harm.

Can I say again how much I LOVED this book?  Oh yeah, it is my blog...so I can.  I LOVED this book! I don't know what else to say other than go get yourself this series and read these books, this series just keeps getting better!

three on the third...

Three...it is such a small number, but today it seems so big.  Three means being able to do stuff yourself, carrying on conversations, being a big boy.  You are not my little baby anymore...I mean I will still totally refer to you as my baby, but you are my little boy now and there is no going back.  It wasn't great timing that I started a new job right before your birthday, but when you came in the office today wrapped your arms around me and said "mommy, I missed you soo much!" my heart ached because you and me little man, we've been together since the beginning and now there are so many changes coming our way.  I never realized how much I would miss your hugs, kisses and laughter throughout the day.  I know that this is a great change for both of us, but I know it is just another sign that you are growing up and I'm not quite ready for that yet.  You, little man, have my heart in the palm of your hand.  As much as you can push my buttons, you also know that your smile, laugh and a hug and kiss go a long way to making mama feel better.  Everyday you grow I get a glimpse into the man you will one day become.  A sweet, kind, loving man who knows just when to be a goofball and just what to say to have everyone eating out of the palm of your hand.  You, baby boy are one amazing kid, you never cease to amaze me with the things that come out of your mouth or the looks you give me when I'm trying to get you to do something that I want you to do.  You are way too smart for your own good.  Thank you for giving me a glimpse of the baby you were every now and then when you cuddle up in my lap or snuggle beside me while you sleep, it helps me hold onto my baby for just a little while longer.  To everyone else three may be a small number, but to me, right now, it is much too big.
Happy happy 3rd birthday monkey boy!  I love you more than you could possibly imagine!
Love always,
mama

so i'm a couple behind...

Sorry I've been MIA for the last couple days.  I've been busy...getting a job!  Yes, on Thursday I'll be re-entering the land of the employed full time for the first time in 3 years.  I'm excited and nervous and a little sad.  Excited because adult interaction and another income...YAY!  Nervous because I have to get up and get dressed everyday..no more days of being in yoga pants and t-shirts...boo! And sad because tomorrow is my last day at home with the kids.  This will be the first time that Bryce has been taken care of by anyone but me on a regular full-time basis.  I will miss being at home with him and Brianna, but it is certainly time for me to get back out there.  We're running around trying to figure out daycare, as the place we thought he would go doesn't have any openings now.  There is a daycare right next door to my work so we are checking that out on Thursday night and if all goes well he will be starting there on Monday.  Cross your fingers!  Brianna is super excited about starting the latchkey program at Aquin where she will go before and after school.  Mostly because she'll get to play with her friends longer in the afternoon.  I know it will definitely be an adjustment for all of us but I'm really hoping it goes as smooth as possible.  Besides the craziness of starting a job and finding daycare...Bryce's birthday is on Saturday and we're having a little party...so I have to get all of that ready as well.  There is just not enough time this week!  But I know we'll get through it and it'll all be OK.  I'm looking forward to this new exciting chapter in my life...now if only we could sell that darn house!  Hopefully this job is the first of many good things happening to our family!  Much love, blogland!  Thanks for continuing to come back to read my ramblings...it means more to me than you know!

finding our normal...

Today was such a great day.  We played games, napped, and watched movies together.  It isn't often anymore that we are able to enjoy days like this...where it is just the four of us.  Amongst all the family fun I cooked twice and did laundry.  It was such an ordinary normal day...but it was wonderful today.  It didn't feel ordinary or normal.  It felt special and rare.  Maybe this is one of the lessons I have to learn during this whole process.  Being together is such a blessing, I need to cherish this time we have together, even if some of it is spent doing laundry and cooking.  I spent my day feeling appreciative, loved and very very blessed.  It was a good day.

black friday...

(OK so I'm cheating a little bit and actually writing this on Saturday. )

Did you spend Black Friday shopping?  I sure did, but I did it from the comfort of a chair in my pjs.  I made quite the little dent in my shopping list yesterday and I found some great deals and saved a bunch of money and I didn't have to stand in line once!  I stuck to my budget, got what I wanted and am pretty happy with my progress.  I even got our Christmas cards ordered yesterday and they are in my grimy little hands ready for me to get addressed and mailed.  I just make so much more progress on my shopping when I do it from my computer, as I said before it is easier to stay within my budget and I can jump around to find the best deals without driving all over town.  Plus I'm giving the UPS guy job security right? :)  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving spent with family and/or friends!

from my turkeys to yours...

Happy Thanksgiving!

a post between cooking and baking...

Just wanted to pop on here to do my blog post for the day while I'm in between recipes!  Mashed potatoes are done! Still have dessert and scalloped potatoes left though.  It is a good thing I like being in the kitchen! It has been a crazy day trying to get everything put together for our trip to Illinois but we made it and I would really like nothing more than to curl up with my book or even just go to sleep.  But I will be glad I got everything done tonight once it is done so I'll just push on through!  I should get back to it, the longer I sit here the harder it is to get started again.  Oh, one piece of good news today...Bryce made the whole trip without a pull-up on!  We did have to stop once to go to the bathroom, but it was pretty good for our first attempt.  I'm hoping this pack of pull-ups I bought on Monday will be my last!
Happy cooking and baking to those of you out there preparing for tomorrow!

i really should be sleeping...

But, I just finished drinking some caffeine and even though I am exhausted I know I won't be able to sleep (good thing I have some new books to keep me occupied during my insomnia!).  I really should try to get some sleep, tomorrow will be crazy!  Brianna gets out of school early (which is a very good thing since we're heading back to Illinois tomorrow afternoon) but it seems like there just isn't enough time to get things done when I have to pick her up at one.  Thankfully I got laundry and my work done today so tomorrow I really just need to pack and pick up some stuff.  I'm going to try to con my mother-in-law into taking some photos of us over the weekend so that I can possibly get our Christmas cards ordered (can't really beat Sam's Club 100 cards for $15 plus they are ready in 24 hours).  I'm hoping for a pretty laid back weekend overall though just some good times with family.  Just what the doctor ordered!  I'm going to really try to remember to post while we are gone, but we'll see! I promise that I will still have 30 posts for the month of November!  :)  If you are traveling tomorrow, travel safely and enjoy your family and friends...they are what make everything worthwhile. 

blocked...

I'm having a severe mental block on what to write about.  My life is pretty much consumed with the same things all the time these days and I'm sure you are tired of reading about them, because frankly I am tired of thinking and writing about them.  I've spent a good part of the day trying to come up with Christmas gifts for those on my list.  I usually am really good with this, I can figure out what someone wants and find a good price (usually) and I know it isn't about the gifts but one of the best things in the world is watching someone open something you put a lot of thought and care into, knowing that they will love it because you know them.  This year...I am blocked.  I don't even know what to get my own kids.  I'm hoping the holiday spirit overtakes me soon, because it just isn't hitting me thus far.  Plus, I can't even comprehend that my baby is turning 3 in only 12 days.  So, what is going on with you guys these days?  Anything you want to discuss or know about?  Throw out some suggestions so I can stop  boring you with my pointless rambling!  For now I will leave you with this question...what is the best Christmas gift you've ever received?  For me I guess it would be my engagement ring.  :)  But after that it would probably be my Flip, I love being able to quickly and easily record fun things!

sunday smiles...

These four kids crack me up!

This next picture pretty much summarizes this saying I found recently.

So there's this boy. He kind of stole my heart. He calls me "mom"

birthday boy...

The birthday boy with his cake.  He is the best 6 year old boy ever!

missouri state of mind...

We made it to Missouri about 8pm.  I worked on Braden's cake when we got here and just finished a little bit ago.  Now it is time to get the kiddos to bed (yes they are ALL still up at 11pm) and get some sleep myself.  I'm guessing none of them will want to sleep in tomorrow morning!  I'm pretty happy with the way Braden's cake turned out.  He asked for a Mario DS cake...and that is what I tried to give him!  Night all...I'll be back tomorrow hopefully with a couple more pictures (if I can steal them from Angie or mom since my camera is still broken). But here is my cell phone picture of Braden's birthday cake!

PS.  Happy Birthday Grandma!  Hope it was a great one!  See you tomorrow!! Love you!

he's here...

Bob has arrived safely in Iowa (for the weekend at least).  I'm so glad he is here even though we really didn't get a chance to talk.  It is just nice having him here.  I have a big list for tomorrow that I have to tackle and get done before it is time to pick Brianna up from school...so I should probably get to bed.  Hopefully none of it will actually take me that long tomorrow.  Can't wait to see Angie, Nick and the boys tomorrow night!!  I hope Braden's cake turns out as good as I picture it in my head!  I'm sure I'll post a picture or two Saturday night!  Yay!  I haven't made a cake in a while, and I'm excited to make his birthday cake.  Then I need to get into gear and start planning the little man's 3rd birthday!  (ugh...it hurts my heart a little that my baby is going to be 3!).  OK kiddos, I'm heading to bed...all four of us under one roof...I think I'll sleep well tonight!  Much love!

still have a headache...still have nothing to say...

Still have this headache I can't quite kick.  Booo!  And I seriously have nothing to talk about today, I did laundry and made some chocolate mustaches for Braden's birthday party this weekend.  They didn't turn out too bad, but I still have a few more to make.  That was pretty much the extent of my day, other than wrangling the kids who seem to be a little crazy this week (or else my patience is running really thin..probably both).  Bob will be here tomorrow night and we can't wait!  Bryce woke up from his nap today and looked so sad, I asked him what was wrong and he said "I'm just sad because I miss daddy"  It took me a while to pick my heart up off the ground.  If you could all just say an extra prayer or send a good thought or two our way so that this house will just sell so we can all be together again sooner rather than later, we'd really appreciate it.  I'm very thankful that we'll all be together this weekend and then again on Wednesday for Thanksgiving.  I think it will be just what we all need.  I'm off to bed peeps, maybe tomorrow will be headache free!

my attempt to write something of substance...

I know I've been sort of "phoning in" this one post a day thing, but I don't have a lot to talk about or I'm too exhausted by the end of the day to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard if you will).  I'm at a loss for what to say, things are the same, no big news to share, no huge revelations or solving of great mysteries.  Our days are strangely ordinary, with the exception of missing Bob dearly.  We're doing OK, getting by, making plans...just not the plans we thought we'd be making by now.  I truly thought when we put our house on the market in February (yes it has really been that long) that by Christmas time we'd be settling into a new house enjoying this new chapter in our lives.  Now, that isn't to say things aren't going just fine, but we're still in the same holding pattern.  On the bright side, the kids are doing well, other than missing daddy.  They played outside until it was dark tonight.  I love that about living here, they have spent so much more time outside and they love it.  They were already talking about going sledding when it snows again.  They are keeping me going and keeping me focused on the good stuff.  Alright, now that everyone is finally asleep, I need to try to get some sleep myself to get rid of this headache that has been plaguing me all day.  Until tomorrow friends!

just a quick one tonight...

Before I forget and drop into bed, just a quick post. Angie asked me to make a rosary for her and tonight I finally got it done!  What do you think? (sorry for the not so great photo...so sleepy!)

sunday funday...

Oh weekend...how fast you go. Today I was a busy little jewelry bee and got a bunch of stuff made to be delivered next weekend.  Brianna got to go along with her little friend Mya to hold her hand while she got her ears pierced (Mya not Brianna).  Brianna hasn't said she is ready to get hers pierced quite yet so we'll see how that changes in the next few months/years.  :)  Otherwise, it was just a typical Sunday...just ask Bryce and Papa Lester!