Tuesday, March 27, 2012

anyone still reading....

Wow...I really have nothing to say about the unintentional hiatus I've been on.  Life is crazy.  To give you an example of how little time I have these days.  I opened my google reader for the first time in quite a while and saw that I had about 700 unread blog posts (that was about a week ago...so we're probably nearing 850-900 by now).  I quickly closed it because that is pretty darn overwhelming.  I have probably 15-20 shows on the dvr that I haven't had time to watch...and people...I LOVE TV.  There is just not enough hours in the day.  Anyway, I know lame excuse for not being around...but that is all I've got.
Ha!  I even started writing this days ago and just got back to it.  I have so much to say...but have the hardest time coming up with the words that don't make me sound like the whiny cry-baby I am and the constant need to defend myself and the way I feel. 

In short, things are hard and crappy around here lately.  The house is still unsold and is now priced so ridiculously low it makes me physically sick to think about it.  But, if it means we can all live together that is what we have to do, because the only thing harder than not being able to sell this house is not being able to be together.  We're giving the house until the end of June and if it hasn't sold, we're going to pull it from the market and look for a renter. 

I feel like one part of our life is in a holding pattern while the other parts of it are moving at the speed of light.  I want us to have a normal life again, not just weekends together.  I miss parenting as part of a team, I miss cooking meals for my family in my own kitchen and I miss curling up next to Bob to watch a movie or play cards or just talk.  It is hard. I try to put on my brave face and go about my days like nothing bothers me, because I have to for the kids, but inside...I'm a wreck.  Sometimes I fall apart, but mostly I keep in on the inside because if I completely fall apart I'm not sure how long it will take to put myself back together.  I truly feel like it will all be worth it, but right now...it is just so damn hard. 

OK, pity party over.  Onto something else...

Brianna learned to ride her bike without training wheels!  I'm so proud of her and more importantly she is so proud of herself.  The look of sheer joy on her face when she "got it" was the best thing I've ever seen.  On another note, we had her parent teacher conferences tonight and her teacher said she is really a model student and we should be so proud of her, and we really are.  She is doing so well in school and loves it at Aquin (a big part of the reason it feels so right  to be living here).  I'm so ridiculously proud of this kid, she is pretty amazing.

Bryce is...Bryce.  He is sweet and funny and too smart for his own good.  His teacher also said he was a wonderful kid to have in class although she did say she has to be careful about changing the schedule if she already told the class they'd be doing something because Bryce will call her out and tell her that she said they were going to do something else if she changes her plans on them.  She said he knows things that some of her older kids don't know and she is amazed at how well he does with puzzles.  He is a good kid and we're so very proud of him...I just really wish he wouldn't use up his allotted listening for the day at school so he could listen a little better at home! :)

As for me, I've had a couple of great weekends with some wonderful friends (much needed) and I'm still really enjoying work (other than feeling like there isn't enough time to do everything I need to do). 

Bob just got back from a conference at Disney World and is here spending the week with us.  (yay!)  He is busy (as always) with work and I think is tired of the quiet empty house.  We love having him here and the kids are over the moon now that daddy is under the same roof. 

I think that about does it.  I really want/need to share more about this amazing conference I went to a couple of weeks ago, but I'm too tired to do it tonight.  I promise I'll be back, I forget how therapeutic it is for me to write, even if no one reads it or if it doesn't make any sense to anyone but me.  :)

Thanks as always for checking in on us. Much love to you all!


Dawn said...

Glad u got that out. Much love to u!!

Anonymous said...

I am always reading and listening!!

Anonymous said...

Captain MOM!!!