perfect weekend...

After yesterday's heavy post...I'm going to indulge you all in some gratuitous "cute kid" pictures. We had a great time at the pumpkin farm yesterday, Brianna & Braden went on pony rides, which they both loved, and Jackson was the perfect little man (like always).


Braden and Brianna decorated their pumpkins and worked together on decorating Jackson's.


We did attempt to take pictures of the kids all in their Halloween costumes (I say attempt, because well, we weren't very successful in having 3 smiling kids in a single picture), but I won't be posting them until Halloween, per Bob's instructions. But trust me when I say there are no 3 cuter kids (not that I'm biased). The kids just have so much fun playing together, although our house quite possibly has toys laying on the floor in every single room of the house I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Sunday Everyone!

on my mind...

Ever since reading this post last night I've found myself mentally writing a blog post (go on read it, I promise you it is worth your time...I'll wait). Now, when I do that it rarely turns into what I want it to, and it almost never comes out in my writing the way it sounds in my head, but I'm going to take a stab at it anyway, since I've already sort of scratched the surface of this subject with a previous post, I'll just continue on this train of thought.

The one place my experience differs from the woman in the blog post is that growing up I don't ever remember hearing my mom say anything negative about herself. I'm sure she did (she is a woman after all), but it is not something that shaped the way I thought about myself. I never felt anything but unconditional love come from my mom and dad, my whole family in fact. I never felt like thin was beautiful and anything but thin was not. I'm sure that my hatred of the way I looked was a gradual thing, something that started to really affect me on a deep level in high school. Don't get me wrong...I had some great friends in high school, some of whom I'm still grateful to have as friends to this day, but I never really felt like I "fit in" in high school. I wouldn't say I technically had an eating disorder, but I was definitely walking a very fine line of doing some serious damage to my body. I would go for days and have little more than a can of pop and a granola bar each day. I would go to volleyball practice and fight to maintain my balance because (I would imagine) that my blood sugar was just so low. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. When I went to college, I knew not a single soul on that campus, it was so out of my comfort zone, I wasn't sure I'd make it there. But in reality, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I probably felt the most comfortable with myself when I was in college, even though I was the heaviest I had ever been (weird huh?). I think alot of it just had to be because I finally felt I was in a place where I belonged, as hard as it was...I was right where I was supposed to be.

Fast forward a few years, when I truly hit rock bottom and decided I needed to change my life, because I was not happy, and that I was truly the only one who could make me happy. A lot of that came about because of having Brianna. I look at my beautiful daughter, and do not ever want her to think that she is anything less than beautiful, because she is. I adore the fact that she will run around in underwear and dress shoes and "tap" dance in front of the mirror. I love her little belly and her cheeks.

However, I'm fully aware of the fact that when I get dressed in the morning and turn to see how my butt looks in my jeans and how (in my mind) huge I look from the side, that she mimics me. I'm all too aware that her favorite thing to do in the bathroom is step on the scale (probably because she has seen me do it so many times). These things hurt me, I don't want her consumed with her weight or the numbers on the scale, I don't want her to have the distorted self image I have, but I'm unsure how to stop it. I tell her how beautiful she is, both inside and out...but is that enough? I know that until I understand and "fix" my behavior my words will have no meaning to her. It is a constant battle for me, but I know it is something I have to keep battling, so that my daughter doesn't have to.

As I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night, the woman who got voted off said something that really hit home with me. She said something to the effect of "my husband has always told me that I'm beautiful, but now (after losing weight) I finally believe him." That statement is heartbreaking to me. I know it, I feel it...but it doesn't make it any less heartbreaking. How can we become so distorted in our view and thinking that we cannot believe that the person we chose to spend our life with finds us beautiful? And how hurtful must that be to the person that loves us?

I have realistic goals for myself, I know I will never be a size 2, I know that I will never be what anyone considers "skinny" and that is fine by me. I want to be able to play with my children, I want to watch them get married and have children of their own someday...and even more simply I want to look in the mirror and actually see my true reflection, and not the image I have made up in my head, when my husband says "you are beautiful" I want to say "thank you" without my first thought being "yeah right!", and maybe most importantly I want my daughter (well all my children) to know how beautiful she is both inside and out.

So, how do I make this happen? How do I protect my daughter (all my children) from feeling like they are anything less than beautiful? I wish I knew...but you can be sure I'm going to do everything I can (most importantly dealing with my own issues) until I figure it out.

*I know this probably has a ton of errors in it, but I'm posting it before I lose my nerve to post it at all, putting it out there, seems to make it all a little less scary for me and helps me regain some control over something I feel has taken so much control from me (make sense? yeah doesn't to me either...but that is the wonderful workings of my brain!)*

bring on the weekend...

Ahh...how I love Fridays! This week has been completely insane at work, with the personal deadline for those who had extended back in April. I did about 15 tax returns in 2 days (which may not seem like alot, but most of the people that have extended don't have the easiest returns, businesses, rental properties, etc) By Wednesday night I was mentally and physically exhausted. Anyway, enough about work, it is the weekend! Angie, Nick and the boys are on their way here for the weekend and we're heading to the pumpkin farm tomorrow with the kids, with the plan to carve pumpkins tomorrow afternoon. We're all excited to have visitors and hopefully it'll be a fun, relaxing weekend for all!

I'll leave you with Brianna's school picture. My baby is growing up!


Have a great weekend all! I'll hopefully post lots of pictures at the end of the weekend!

the long awaited pictures...

First, here is the belly picture. 27 weeks and counting (yes, my belly has tripled in size since the last picture...or at least it seems like it). (The picture on the left is me 26 weeks pregnant with Brianna for comparison purposes...not the most flattering shirt)



















Next, here are a couple pictures of the kids playing Wii. Cow racing is serious business! I unfortunately didn't capture the funniest thing, after the race is over the "mii" that wins jumps up and down with their arms in the air and the one that loses hangs his/her head and is very sad. Well the kids have perfected these looks (thankfully they are pretty evenly matched so they each get their fair share of happy and sad) Anyway, after they get done being happy or sad, the look at each other and say "I gonna win this time!" too cute....gotta love 'em!

(I tried to post a video of the kids dancing while Nick was playing Guitar Hero, but it wasn't working...I'll try again later)
Happy Friday everyone!

behind...

How is it that at 10:37 am on a Monday morning...I am already behind? We were in Iowa for the weekend visiting my parents (my sister and her family as well). We did pretty much nothing, there were no big plans, no parties to attend and really no where to go. So how the heck is it Monday already? The weekend went really fast and I think I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have because I kept thinking that it is the last time I will be back there until after the baby comes. I realize that is only like 3 months away, but we try really hard to visit my parents at least once a month, and it is something I've come to rely on to re-energize me and to help me escape the stress of day-to-day life. I know they are planning to visit here (hopefully) before the baby comes and after of course...but for some reason it is just not the same. There is something about stepping into that house and seeing my parents, sister, and her family, that makes the weight lift off my shoulders. I normally can relax and have fun and feel genuinely happy for the whole time I am there. This past weekend I had fun and was happy, but as I look back on it, it was clouded by the thought of not being able to do it again for a while. The reality of not being in Iowa for Thanksgiving, and probalby not for New Year's is hitting me. That has always been the hardest part of living here for me, missing those family holidays. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to, because we've developed a system that is working for us, that is not to say I don't miss having Christmas with my parents when it is an "Illinois" Christmas, and vice versa with Bob's parents, but its managable. This year however, with the baby's estimated arrival and the fact that Brianna was born 4 weeks early, I don't want to chance driving to Iowa for Thanksgiving and that throwing me into early labor. So, we have no Iowa holidays this year. I'm bummed, more bummed than I should be I think. We have been wonderfully blessed this year, but it has also been a very stressful year, so I think the holiday thing has just pushed me over the edge. I guess I just have a serious case of the Monday's today.

Anyway, onto other things...I am behind posting my 26 week belly picture, and I have some cute pictures from this weekend of Braden & Brianna playing Wii.

I'm off to shake off this mood, (well probably not...I am at work :)) But I guess I should get some work done, I guess that's what they pay me for. I'll post pictures soon!

Happy Birthday Abbie! I promise you 27 isn't so bad. :)

monday is kicking my butt...

This morning did not start out well at all. We're talking major melt-down, tantrum throwing, screaming, horrible kind of morning. This was the kind of morning that makes me want to break down and cry or run away (I usually choose the former, people sort of frown upon running away from your 3 year old). OK...so I would never really run away, but I've been on edge about alot of things lately, and I guess it just came to a head this morning with the horrible tantrum over nothing. I was mad at myself for losing my patience and yelling, but it is really hard to remain calm when wrestling a 3 year old into clothes when you are already running late. She has been slightly difficult lately, she says she "wants to listen" to us, but then throws a fit when we ask her to do the smallest thing. I'm sure it is just a product of her age and trying to see what she can get away with, but it is getting on my very last nerve. We had a (mostly) great weekend, playing puzzles and building with blocks, watching the rain, so I hate that today started this way. I know what a wonderful, charming, intelligent, kind, silly little girl she can be, that is why I get so frustrated when she acts like a demon child. It is a good thing I have things like this to make me forget about the bad stuff, and only remember that wonderful, charming, intelligent, kind, silly little girl. How can you not fall in love with that face over and over again? Today has been a challenge, but tomorrow will be better.

summer round up...

Well, it has been a little while since I've posted. So here is the short and sweet version of what we've been up to. We headed to the zoo a few weeks ago with some friends from college and their two boys. The boys are about Brianna's age and the kids had a blast together running around and looking at animals. It was pretty hot the day we went...so most of the animals weren't very active, but it was still fun to see them all. It has been a long time since I've been at a zoo, and we've never taken Brianna to one, so it was a fun experience for all of us. Then, Bob had his Club Championship at Crystal Woods on Sunday and Monday (Labor Day). He didn't play as well as he would have liked, and in in the end he ended up in third place. His dad won for the 16th time! Here is a picture of him with all 16 of his trophies.

Brianna and I then made a trip to visit some friends while Bob was having a weekend golf outing with some of his friends in WI. Brianna had a great time playing with Lily and Ella, and I had a wonderful time talking to Holly! Holly took some pictures of Brianna and I together, here is one of my favorites, check the rest of them out at Lily Bella Photography! This weekend has been interesting for us. One, we're actually at home, and two, in the last two days more rain has fallen in the last two days in this area than in Chicagoland history. We've experienced flooding, our street and the streets leading to ours are actually closed, my car has been parked on the closest "non-closed" street since last night. There is no way that Bob would actually make it out of our street in his car...it is ridiculous! Our neighbors were actually paddling boats in the street yesterday. (its not really that deep...people were just trying to "enjoy" the water I guess). Thankfully, no water has come into our house, it has stayed on the street and our lawn.

Brianna had her first playdate today (my baby is growing up!) and had a ton of fun playing with 2 of her friends from school. That pretty much sums up the excitement around here. I'm in the process of uploading pictures for the last few weeks, so check them out when you get a chance. I'll try to post more soon, things have just been crazy with work and us being gone, we've only got a few more things planned before we spend some time at home, waiting for baby to arrive! It is going to be here before we know it, and Brianna for one can't wait! :) Hope you are all well and thanks for checking in on us!

baby update...

As of yesterday I am 22 weeks along. We (and by we I mean I) had my ultrasound today. Everything looks great with the baby, growing exactly as it should. The doctor said if she had 100 babies at this gestational age (their measurements) ours would be right smack dab in the middle, so not too big, not too small, just perfect (growth wise...in attitude...well that remains to be seen). We took Brianna to the ultrasound with us, and she waved at the screen and said "Hi!" to baby. The other day on the way to daycare she stopped what she was doing looked up and said "Mommy, I can't wait until my baby gets here". I'm glad she is excited, hopefully she'll still feel the same way after the baby's arrival. No, we didn't find out the sex of the baby, even the doctor doesn't know because the ultrasound tech took no pictures of the area. Other than that not too much to report, we (the baby and I)are both healthy...so that is all we could really ask for. OK...back to work. Thanks for checking in!

thankful...

I figured after my last couple posts I owed you, my faithful readers, (all 2 of you) a few cute pictures, and an update on my evening. Shortly after I posted my last post, the 3 year old tornado came running through the door shouting "mommy! Mommy!" and wrapped her little arms around me. I know this sounds corny, but I absolutely felt the frustration of my day melt away with that hug and that precious smiling face. I had promised her that she could help me make brownies tonight, so she immediately asked if we could make brownies. I've been on a bit of a baking kick lately (and by baking kick I mean I've made bars/brownies the last 2 nights) which considering I've baked nothing (with the exception of B's birthday cake) in about the last 8 months, is a lot for me. I tend not to bake much when I'm trying hard to watch what I eat, because while my willpower is fairly strong...I am human (and I'm a pretty decent baker/cook), so if homemade stuff is around I tend to eat it. Now, Bob buys cookies when he goes to the grocery store...and those very rarely get touched by me (only if I'm extremely desperate and even then I'll usually not eat anything than eat that stuff...weird I know). But I digress, anyway, last night Brianna helped me make chocolate chip cookie bars and tonight we made caramel brownies. She had a blast helping and it was fun for me too.



Child labor-unwrapping caramels

waiting for the brownies to get done baking....and testing last nights creation.

Over the weekend we headed to the Quad Cities (yes again) to take Brianna to the Minus Six show. By now I'm sure you know that she LOVES Minus Six and was so excited to see them in person. Even though she played shy and wouldn't take a picture with any of the guys, she had a great time dancing (and by dancing, I mean Bob holding her and dancing) and really enjoyed Matt playing the sax by her, even though she buried her head in Bob's shoulder. I had to post this picture of her and Alli, because it is so cute.


Anyway, even though I'm still a tad frustrated (I know...I'm trying to let it go), after reading this I feel extremely blessed and thankful for all that I have in my life. Now if you'll excuse me...I'm going to go cuddle with my hubby and the three year old tornado.

frustrated...

Do you ever have those days where everything you do is just frustrating? I've been having one of those weeks. I'm trying to focus in on the good, fun things that have happened this week, but the frustration just pulls me back in.

The things that are frustrating me are mostly other people's lack of concern of how their actions and words affect others. I would never call myself an optimist...I'm a realist...I try to prepare for the most realistic outcome so I'm not disappointed in whatever the outcome is, and am often pleasantly surprised. (OK, I know most people that know me well would say I'm actually a pessimist). But honestly, I really only prepare for the most realistic outcomes when it comes to myself. I still to this day expect the best for the people around me, I'm the one that says "everything will turn out OK in the end" and I truly believe that. I try always to put others happiness in front of my own, and I believe that 95% of the time I'm very conscious of how my actions and words will affect those around me. So, it honestly to this day surprises me when I run into people that really only think about how things affect themselves.

I have to deal with one of these people every single day, and after all this time, day after day...I expect something different from this person, and day after day, I am disappointed. Everyday when I see this person thinking of only their needs, in this moment, and never seeing the bigger picture, and never seeing how this attitude is poisioning those around him/her, it frustrates, saddens, and most of all hurts me. I don't understand after all this time why this person doesn't see that we're all on the same team, all striving for the same goal, and in the end the actions they are taking are causing everything we've been working so hard for crumble.

So that is me in a nutshell today...frustrated.

I'm off to spend some time with my family and to try to relax and enjoy the evening. Tomorrow is a new day...here is to less frustration.
Oh...ultrasound is tomorrow...I'll post after the fun is over :)

weekend update...

Bob was off for the weekend golfing and having a fantasy football draft with some college buddies, so it was just Miss B and I for the weekend. We actually had a really good time, and I only got frustrated with her a couple times! :) Like I've said before, the girl knows how to push my buttons. We spent some time at the pool, went to the store, watched movies and ate popcorn (her favorite) and fell asleep cuddled up on the couch.
Yesterday, Bob and Nancy took her up to the lake to swim and play in the sand, so I enjoyed some time to myself. I aimlessly wandered around Target only picking up a couple things, one thing for Brianna that I was unsure about (a sleepingbag/backpack thing) but it was on clearance, and it was cute, only to find out after Bob got home he had been thinking about getting her something like that as well. (Yay!) After I got home from Target I did a quick clean of the house (by clean...I mean picked up all the crap laying around) and gave myself a pedicure and took a nap. I was planning on going to get a pedicure, but then I decided I was too cheap, and just did it myself, and painted Brianna's toes after she got home.
We missed Bob a lot over the weekend, but it was nice to get to spend some one-on-one time with Brianna. And while the weekend didn't involve wine for me, it did involve M&M's so it was very much a perfect weekend.

One funny story from the weekend, we're working really hard on potty training, but the girl is stubborn (side note...why is it that every time I have a story about Brianna I feel the immediate urge to call my parents and tell them I'm sorry? Yes, the girl is THAT much like me). Anyway, I was trying to get her to go upstairs to the bathroom, and she just wasn't having any of it. She is a 12 year old trapped in a 3 year old's body...she rolled her eyes at me and sighed in a way that said "but mooooom, it is so far up those 15 stairs to the bathroom!" so I carried her upstairs...she was like a sack of potatoes, complete dead weight. I put her on the potty and she slumped over. I was so irritated, but it was hilarious at the same time. The only time she used any muscles at all was to look up at me and smile. What a girl!

Have a good week all!

the unappealing part...

I started reading Jodie's blog right after Abbie started her blog (do you see how I started reading so many blogs...it started out so innocently). Anyway, I really enjoy Jodie's blog not only because she is an extremely talented photographer and I love looking at her pictures, but because I admire her honesty when it comes to her three adorable children (who are by the way all aged 3 and under) and life in general.
The reason I bring this all up (I swear I have a point) is because about a month ago, Jodie wrote this post challenging her readers to photograph and blog about the unappealing parts of their lives. The dirty dishes, the laundry laying around...you know, generally the stuff you prefer no one knows about or sees. This is part of the honesty that I love about a great deal of the blogging community.
Anyway, long story short...I never thought I would have the courage to post the "unappealing parts" of my life. But tonight, here it is. While this is not dishes in the sink, laundry, etc. This is the part of my life I don't generally want people to see. I mean, they probably see it, but looking at these pictures side by side is quite a different story.
Are you confused yet? See the most unappealing part of my life has also brought me some of my proudest personal moments over the last year and a half. Anyone that knows me in real life is probably aware of this struggle I have with my weight, while I generally don't openly talk about it, it is always there, in the back of my mind...the "ugly" part of my life. Unfortunately, it infiltrates too much of my life. In an effort to regain some control of the ugly...here it is.

The first picture (red dress) was taken in October of 2006. The second, in November of 2007. And finally the third (black dress) was taken in March of 2008. Obviously, since the last picture I became pregnant and am having a difficult time watching the scale move upward. I know it is necessary, and I know I will regain some control of my body after this baby comes, but somedays that doesn't make it any easier.

That is it, that is my unappealing part (the first picture) and my slow progression to make it not the most unappealing part of my life...I'm guessing it is not exactly what Jodie was thinking when she wrote that post, but it is how I applied it to my life and myself. I'm hoping by putting this out there I can let go of some of the control it has over me.

(told you the tone of some of the posts were going to change :)

Here is to a new week...full of possibilities!

i have a secret...

OK, I probably have more than one, but here it is...I'm a blog junkie. I read on average 25 blogs a day (that is probably a low estimate :). Most of those are ones I read on a regular basis (ie. every day) but sometimes my regular blog reading takes me to other blogs, that a lot of times take me to new blogs that may or may not add to my regular blog reading. Anyway, I'm straying away from my point here...the point is, I love reading blogs. I love hearing about other people's experiences with their children and their lives, it makes me feel normal. It somehow validates those days where I'm so frustrated that I want to run away. Of course I never will, but it makes me feel like I have company during those days.

Some days its really hard for me to write here, because I feel like no one wants to read about the tough parts of life, they just come for the cute pictures of Brianna and the funny stories. But to me that gets boring, the interesting stuff is the way we handle the tough days, the frustrations along with the triumphs. It makes me appreciate the good days even more.

So, with that, the tone of some of the posts may change. I will still post cute pictures of Brianna and tell funny stories and update with the general stuff that is going on with us, but I'm also going to be posting some of the frustrations, fears, and other stuff (for lack of a better term) that accompanies our day-to-day life.

I hope you keep reading, I hope you comment, I hope you laugh, I hope that if you're frustrated, afraid, or just plain tired, you'll find some solace in the things I'm going to write.

she's a big girl now...

Part of Brianna's birthday present from us (OK...a big part) was a brand new "big-girl" bed. Her crib converted into a daybed, which is what she has been sleeping in for quite some time, but with the baby coming, we needed to reclaim the crib. Anyway, the plan was for us to put together her bed on Friday when we got back from vacation and surprise her with it when we got home from Jake's party on Saturday.

She loved it! Her face was so adorable when she saw it. She laid in it for a long time just smiling. She was excited to sleep in it last night (thats what we were hoping for, maybe bedtime won't be such a big challenge for a while.) Anyway, we are all very excited about her new bed, now if we could just get this potty thing worked out...life would be fantastic!

OK...I'm off to play legos now...I'm posting pictures from vacation, the party and her new bed as we speak, so be patient. But I'll leave you with a couple from her reaction to her new bed.

party at the lake...

We went to Bob and Nancy's yesterday before the birthday party so Bob could regrip some clubs before his upcoming golf/fantasy football trip (is it really time for that again?). So, that is the first time we had seen Brianna in a week...we were greeted at the door by her smiling face and a chorus of "MOMMY! DADDY!" and tons of hugs and kisses.

Then we headed up to the lake and attended Jake's 6th birthday party. It was a great party, they had tons of games for the kids, waterballoon toss, bozo buckets, a pinata, and even a treasure hunt. Brianna had a fabulous time, even though she was extremely tired. Unfortunately it was pretty windy and cool at the lake so she didn't get to go in the water like she wanted, but she did manage to play in the sand for quite some time. :)

Everyone was pretty tired when we got home, but we did manage to play with almost every new toy she got for her birthday before bedtime.

vacation...

So, after Brianna's birthday party at my parents house, Bob, Nancy, Brian, & Mary took Brianna back to Crystal Lake for the week. Bob and I headed to Galena to spend the week relaxing and playing golf (Bob). We rented a little place in Eagle Ridge and had a wonderful time. Bob golfed, I read (4 books...I don't know the last time I did that, or had the chance to do that). We spent one afternoon walking around Galena and visiting the shops. Picking out a couple little things for Brianna.
One of which is this shirt which we found completely adorable and hysterical. (Brianna loved it too). We stayed Sunday through Friday morning and are both a little sad about going back to work tomorrow. I think I could use a week at home catching up on all the stuff that needs to be done around here, as I'm sitting in the living room with the sun streaming in the windows and illuminating the plethora of cobwebs and dust in here. All-in-all it was a great vacation, but we did miss Brianna a lot. Unfortunately, she did get sick while we were away. :( Thankfully, it only lasted 24 hours and she was back to her old self. We are happy to be back home, I missed the craziness and the noise of our little 3 year old tornado.

brianna's birthday...

How is it possible that this little girl is 3? (Although most days she thinks she is 12). We had a great weekend in Iowa. Friday was the Relay for Life, we stayed all night...but I'm not so sure we'll be doing that anymore...it totally messed up her sleeping for the entire weekend.

But it was fun, and always makes me think about how cancer has impacted my life and those of the people around me. On that thought...I don't think I have posted this but my friend from high school's little girl, Claire, had her last round of chemo last week. They did a CT scan a few weeks back and it showed...NO TUMOR! We are so happy and excited for them, we of course will keep them in our prayers so that little Claire stays healthy for a very long time.

Saturday, we had a few people over to break the pinata we got for Brianna, to have a little bit of a celebration on her actual birthday since we were having her party the next day. It was a lot of fun and the kids enjoyed the candy. :)

Sunday was Brianna's actual party and Grandma Nancy, Papa Bob, Brian, and Mary made the trip to IA to help her celebrate. Great-Grandma Kramer and Great-Grandma Felton were also there, and of course Papa Lester, Grandma Susan, Angie, Braden, and Jackson. We had a great time and Brianna was very spoiled.

Brianna headed back to Illinios with Papa Bob and Grandma Nancy, to spend the week with them. Bob and I headed to Galena for the week for a little vacation. We are so far enjoying ourselves, except for the thunderstorms that have been on and off all day. Bob did enjoy his first round of golf this afternoon, in between the storms. I have enjoyed a couple naps and a book and a half already (my idea of a perfect vacation).

Have a great week all!
Birthday pictures are uploading, but there are a few so it may take a while.

three...

Sweet Girl~

I know you didn't really think I'd let today go by without writing you my annual birthday post. (Not that you can read yet...but someday you'll be able to). This year has been so different from the last two, for one I usually have been working on this post for a couple of days before your birthday, instead of writing it on the fly like I'm doing tonight. For another, this is the last birthday where you will be our "only" baby.

I sit here and wonder how the last 3 years have gone so fast...how this stubborn little girl has grown to replace my chubby little baby. When I look at you, I still see that little baby, but that picture is quickly fading in my mind, and is being replaced by the girl you are becoming.

You and I don't always see eye-to-eye. Lots of people say this is because you are just like me...and that is probably true...don't tell anyone, but I know you are just like me, that's what scares me.

There are so many things I want to say to you, so many mistakes I'd love to keep you from making, so much pain I'd love to keep you from experiencing...but those things are all part of life and growing up. Everyday I watch you grow and become more independent, and yes you fall down and get hurt. But I hope that I've given you (and continue to give you) the courage to get up, dust yourself off, and learn from your mistakes. Most of all I hope you have faith in me that I will always be there to hug you, dry your tears, and encourage you to keep trying.

Being your mom has given me such immense joy over the last three years, even on the days where you've pushed me to my limits, because even on your worst days, when I look in your eyes I see my baby.

I hope you had a fun day today sweetheart, I know it was tough with the mixed up schedule, but I still hope it was the best birthday so far. You are so very very loved little girl.

I'm not sure that any of this makes sense (thats why I usually plan this better). But bottom line...you will always be my baby, my little girl, and I love you with all of my heart.

When you make your birthday wish tomorrow, I'll be making a wish too. That you stay little just a little bit longer...I know you want to be "bigger" but stay Mommy's little girl for a little while, OK?

I love you sweet girl.
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mommy

bix weekend 2008...

This past weekend Bob and I made the trek to Moline to visit Alli & Steve (yes again...and no we never stay home). Alli does the Bix every year and this year due to certain circumstances, she decided to walk the Quick Bix (2 miles instead of 7) so I decided to join her, while her brother, Matt, ran the full Bix. It was so incredible...I could not believe the amount of people there. It was and still is completely indescribable.

If you are at all familiar with Davenport, IA, you know of Brady Street. Its a pretty steep little street. The race starts on Brady Street. It is crazy, curb to curb people, we only walked and were zigging and zagging around people to keep moving, I can't even imagine what it was like for the runners.

Anyway, we had a great time, the winner of the Bix ran it in something like 32 minutes. (I didn't know it was humanly possible to run 7 miles in 32 minutes...I'm pretty sure its not for me! :)

After the race we went back to the Cottrell's and relaxed, while the boys played another round of golf, after the golfers returned we played some Wii and ate and had a blast playing games and drinking (well not me of course).

I'm already looking forward to next year, where I'm planning on running the Quick Bix. I think it'll take me a few years before I'm ready for the full one!

Thanks Alli & Steve...we had a great time (as always).

baby belly...

My wonderful husband got me a new cord to my camera...so yay! I only have this belly picture for you right now. I'm posting the new belly picture and a belly picture when i was the same week into pregnancy (16 weeks)with Brianna. Not that I will compare my children forever...but this is kinda fun. Plus you can see how much 3+ years have changed me!

The one on the left is from when I was pregnant with Brianna (although I'm sure you figured that out) And yes, I'm wearing the same clothes, I wear them on a regular basis, but I did wear them on purpose for this picture. I know, I'm a dork. (and I'm not sure why the other picture is so small...I had to save it from Shutterfly...I'm guessing its not a very high quality picture.) Anyway, enough rambling...I've gotta get busy.

Have a great Friday everyone!

stay tuned...

Hi all~

I know its been a while since I've posted anything, but we've been having some technical difficulties. My camera died a few weeks ago...absolutely will not turn on. Anyway, I got a new camera this week and apparently the transfer cable that came with it is bad. So while I have a few new pictures...I can't transfer them to my computer. So...stay tuned I should have lots of pictures to post soon. Belly pictures...I know you're all anxiously awaiting that, Brianna's 3rd birthday(next Saturday!) and our vacation (coming soon...yippee!).
Keep checking back...I promise we'll be completely up and running soon!
Happy Thursday!

golf

Last post of the night...I promise. This should get me all caught up. Tonight after dinner we went to the driving range to hit some balls. I took my camera (of course) and I'm glad I did...because I never want to forget images like these. Happy (almost) Friday everyone! New pictures are up from the Knosher, Metamor-a-palooza, and our trip to the driving range. Enjoy!

knosher outing 2008

Last Thursday we made our way to Galesburg for the Knosher Outing. Bob really enjoys attending this outing because its played at Soangetaha (their home course during college) and because he gets to play with his old teammates. He played a practice round with some of them on Thursday. While he was doing this I had lunch with some of the Business Office ladies and had a nice chat with them. Then Holly and I went to get pedicures (much better than playing a round of golf if you ask me :))and played some Wii in the hotel...where I bowled a 258 (I was super excited!). We all went out to dinner together that night and out to Seminary Street Pub after that. Friday was the outing and it was so great to see everyone, they are like kids in a candy store when they are together. Even on the rare occasion where they don't play so well, there is lots of laughter on the course. I will direct you to Holly's photos (because they are far superior to mine :)). We really do have great friends!

metamor-a-palooza

This year's canoe trip had a slightly different feel to it...due to the flooding in Iowa, it was just not safe to go canoeing, so Chris and Dawn (and Chris's parents) offered up their house to the crew for the weekend. The Miles clan lives in a georgous house on a lake in Metamora. Everyone (minus those who couldn't make the trip, Jenn, Marty and Jon...they were missed immensely) arrived Friday night, although the Goodness's got in pretty late and most were asleep by then. We (Dawn, Chris, Alli, Steve, Bob, and I) had dinner, played some cards and had a bonfire while waiting for Ben & Amanda to arrive. Saturday morning, the boys headed out golfing, and the girls decided to chat and relax. We talked and caught up inside for a while and then decided it was time to hit the water. We floated in the lake and talked for the better part of 2ish hours, and then ate some lunch. The boys were back by then, but we went back to our floating, the boys did some fishing and played catch in the water. By late afternoon, we were all out of the water, and decided to play some bags and flippy cup. We paired up boy/girl (but not in couples :)). It took us about 20 minutes to decide how to pair up the teams (which was humorous in itself). There was lots of laughter and lots of beer drank (except by me! :)) We even developed a new rule for flippy cup. After that we had some dinner, played some cards, and had another bonfire. All-in-all it was a perfect weekend, even though things didn't go as originally planned. Great food, beautiful location, and most of all great friends. Its always after these things that I realize how lucky I am to have these people in my life, and how much I miss not being around them everyday. Knox is a great place to make friends, but it sure does spoil you with having them around you at all times, so much so that you forget that they won't always be down the hall or in the next room over, sometimes you have to settle for only seeing them a couple times a year. Dawn and Chris are making their way to North Carolina tomorrow (Friday) for the next year. Have a great trip guys and we can't wait to see you again! We love you!!

new pictures...quick post

Morning All! I'm sitting in the hotel in Galesburg downloading pictures from my camera, so I thought I would upload them and write a quick post. We are off to the course in about an hour, and we still have to get all of our stuff packed up. I'll write more about our weekend later...but so far we're having a great time. Galesburg has a boil order in effect, so you can't drink the water anywhere and no fountain pop, so it has been interesting. We ate off paper plates at the restaurant last night. But it has been great to see old friends who we don't get to see nearly enough. Hope you all have a great Friday and I promise I'll be back with more pictures and more stories of the weekend soon.
Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

you are my sunshine

Just wanted to post this video quick. I will be posting more in the next few days, pictures of Jackson's baptism, and of our busy week. We'll be heading to IA tomorrow night and then to Galesburg for the Knosher Outing Thursday and Friday, and then to Metamora for our 3rd annual canoe-a-palooza. Albeit, a slightly different canoe-a-palooza, one without canoeing :). Hope you are all well and I'll be back soon. Please excuse my annoying voice and my terrible singing...I swear it only lasts a couple of words. :) And the quality is not spectacular but its from my phone...so you can't expect a whole lot :)

quick update

Hello All!

Just thought I'd write a quick post tonight, because its been a while. Sorry about that, but I've been extremely tired and really nauseous. If its possible (and I didn't think it was) I'm even sicker with this baby then I was with Brianna. Maybe that means it will stop before I deliver this one (unlike with Brianna) But overall I can't complain...I'm excited that so far this pregnancy has been uneventful and will hopefully stay that way. I have another doctors appointment a week from Thursday, so hopefully all continues to go well.

We've enjoyed our long weekend...but wow did it go fast. Friday night we headed to Rockford to see Minus Six, and it was a great show...as usual! We ended up staying at Bob and Nancy's because Bob was going to play golf with his dad early the next morning. So Brianna and I hung out with Nancy while Bob and Bob played golf. Then we met up with Ben & Amanda at the Rainforest Cafe for dinner. Brianna loved it there...although the lions roaring scared her a bit. Sunday we had a pretty relaxing day at home, played some Candyland (which Brianna LOVES). And today we spent more time at home watching movies, playing outside, and Bob and Nancy came over for dinner and brought Brianna her new tricycle. She had a blast riding it until dark. That pretty much sums up our weekend. We had a great time together, but as always it went way too fast. I've uploaded some new pictures (I know its been awhile). I'll try to post again soon!

Hope you all had a great weekend! And Happy Tuesday to you all!

(this is pretty much how I feel about the weekend being over too! :o)

Hi Jeff! :o)

One last thing...I found out this week that a high school friend's 7 month old daughter has cancer. She started chemo on Saturday. Please keep her in your prayers (if you pray or in your thoughts or whatever you do for this sort of thing) I'm sure they would appreciate any extra prayers they can get. Thanks!

changes...

Just a few changes to our little home on the internet to reflect the changes going on in our ever-growing family. Yup...you got it, there is going to be another little Carroll. We just got done sharing the news with our families so now we're sharing it with you! We've got a few months to go (December 31st is the due date)...but so far so good. :)

Hope all you moms had a great Mother's Day. Lots of love to all of you, I'm off to bed, its been a busy weekend.

five...

3:00am...Mom comes into the bedroom where Angie and I were sleeping (well Angie was sleeping...I was laying in the dark, mind racing) and says "It's time to get up...." I hop out of bed with a big smile on my face saying "I'm getting married today!!!" Angie buries her head under the pillow and says something to the effect of "are you serious, it is 3am"

The next few hours are a whirlwind of hair, makeup, putting on my dress. At 9am we arrive at church for pictures. I see Bob and smile, thinking to my self...what a lucky girl I am that he picked me. I can tell he is nervous, pacing back and forth...but not me, I've never been so calm in all my life. Decisions have never come easy to me, but this is one that I never thought twice about (even 2 days before the wedding when we had a big fight about the seating chart ;o)

As the doors open, my dad and I arm and arm ready to walk down the isle, I looked at the little church...the church where I was baptized, had my first communion, and was confirmed, the church that holds so many memories of my life, filled with our friends and family, those who love us and have supported us and I smiled, and then I looked down the aisle to my future husband, and my heart skipped a beat. That is one of the moments of my life that I want to freeze, to be able to feel that moment forever. To feel the love in that little church, it’s the kind of memory that on the darkest days makes me smile.

The rest of the day was just as perfect. Oh I'm sure something went wrong...but I don't know what. All I remember is the dancing, laughing, and being surrounded by the people we love most in this world.

Now, if you had asked me then if I thought I could love Bob more than I did at that moment, I probably would have said no. But 5 years later, I can tell you that I love him so much more than I did that day. Everyday I think there is no way I can possibly love him more, and then he does something...something small that it probably seems like I take for granted, and something that even he doesn't think means very much, and its those things that make me fall into bed each night knowing that I love him more than I did yesterday.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve someone like him, most days I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to deserve him, but I am lucky enough to have him and I'm not letting him go.

Bob and I are very different, some days I think we're too different, we bicker about dumb stuff like any couple does, but in the end our differences make us stronger. I'd like to think I've helped him become a little more flexible and spontaneous, and I know he's made me a better planner. He's helped me more than he even realizes find the confidence in myself that I've been missing for a long time. He's always my biggest cheerleader, even when I feel like I've failed. My life without him would be empty.

No words have meant as much to me as those I said 5 years ago today as I stood there in that little church filled with our family and friends and said "I, Amber, take you, Bob, to be my husband...."

Happy Anniversary Baby!
I love you!

new pictures

New pictures posted...enjoy :)

Knox

(Edited to Add: I wrote this post about 6 months ago, not sure why I revisited it today, maybe because its Flunk Day, and the memories are rushing back, or maybe I'm just extra sappy today...who knows...anyway, I'm finally posting it. Love you girls!)

I'm sure you're all anxiously awaiting my post about homecoming (I see your eyes rolling over there). Anyway, I'm not going to write so much about homecoming as I am about Knox in general and my experience there. I apologize in advance if i sound like a summary of the admissions material, but I swear no one paid me to say this (although...really they should) :o) As we were driving back Sunday after the homecoming festivities, I realized how lucky I am that I attended Knox. And not just for the obvious reason of meeting Bob. Obviously that is a huge part of why Knox has a special place in my heart. I still in my heart think that Bob and I would have met somewhere along life's journey...but who knows if we would have ended up where we are today. I gained so much from my 4 years at Knox...a quality education and an abundance of debt...to name a couple. But more than that, I gained another family. I have five amazing women in my life that I am privileged to call my friends. Five strong, kind, compassionate women, who are so different and yet all of our differences seem so small when we're together. We've had and still have so much fun together. We've seen each other through ups and downs over the last 9 years, we've cried together, laughed together (a lot), yes...even fought with each other. But somehow we always come back together. I don't really have any college memories that don't include at least one of these women...and most of them include all of them. The are the first ones I called (after immediate family) when Bob and I got engaged, they were some of the first people to know when I was pregnant and they were some of the first people I called after Brianna arrived (even though most of them didn't believe me that she was actually here). These women are my family, and in turn their husbands and boyfriends have also become my family. I look forward to get togethers with them from the moment they are planned. They are one of the most important things I take away from my time at Knox. I value the education I received at Knox...but the friendships I took away from my four years at Knox will last long after my diploma is covered with dust and my debt is all paid off. They have made my life better by being in it. I love you girls! Thank you for your friendship....life is so much more colorful with you in it!

haircut...

Brianna had her first haircut tonight (Thursday). She has gone with me to the salon a few times and the woman that cuts my hair, Gina, is always nice to her and gives her suckers. I called to get my haircut and asked if she could trim up Brianna's as well. Brianna was so excited to get her haircut, for the last two days all she could talk about was Gina cutting her hair and getting a sucker. She sat very well and Gina trimmed up her hair and put her hair clippings in an envelope for us. It was so cute to see her sitting there like such a big girl. Gina kept calling her princess so all night she would say "I'm a princess". Sometimes that girl is too cute for her own good. Anyway, I'm heading off to sleep now, but here are a couple pictures of the haircut. Hope you all have a great Friday!

happy easter...

Just a quick post to let you know there are new pictures posted. We just got back from Lancaster, WI from Grandma Carroll's funeral. It was such a beautiful service, and hearing all the wonderful stories and seeing the legacy that this amazing woman has left behind is truly incredible. 13 children (Bob (dad)is #12), 56 grandchildren (Bob is #55), 83 great-grandchildren (Brianna is #80), and 18 great-great grandchildren, how wonderful is that? Anyway, I'm completely beat...so I hope you all had a fantastic easter. The photo above is Brianna sitting on her new Dora bedding that the Easter Bunny brought.

Welcome to the world Jackson! Our new nephew was born today. We can't wait to meet you little man!

you're gonna miss this

I heard this song yesterday and it brought a tear to my eye (yes, I've been slightly emotional lately and it did actually make me tear up...leave me alone :)) Anyway, I started thinking about how I often want time to pass quickly to get to "something better" The last few months have been ridiculously crazy and I've been having a hard time finding a balance of work and home (this is always a hard thing for me at this time of the year, but especially this year), and I have thought several hundred times over the last few weeks how I just wish it was the end of April. After hearing this song, I realized that one day I will look back and miss this time (oh...I think it will be a good many years before I even sort of miss the pressures of work right now) but if I skip through the work stuff, I would also be missing out on the home stuff. The last 2 nights Brianna and I have crawled into bed and watched a movie snuggled up together, me tickling her and her laughing, I would have missed all of that had I actually been able to skip to the end of April. She is already growing so fast and I already miss so many of the things that she has outgrown...things I never thought I'd miss. Some days she infuriates me (some say it is because she is just like me...I'm not so sure on that ;o) but in the end I wouldn't trade those days for anything. Its the bad days that make the good so much better, and if you "skip" over the not-so-good stuff how do you learn to appreciate the good? Anyway...here is the song with some pictures of Brianna some old and some from this morning.



Bob's Grandma Carroll passed away on Monday March 17,2008 at age 102. She is dearly loved and will be missed. We were fortunate enough to have her attend our wedding 5 years ago, it is something we will both treasure forever. We love you and will miss you.

a perfect valentine's day...a day late

Since last night was a little less than perfect, what with an over-sugared, under-napped 2 year old...I called a do-over on Valentine's Day. So tonight we had a nice quiet dinner (at least quiet for our house), played a bit and are now snuggled up on the bed watching Charlotte's Web (well, they are sleeping now) I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day.

There is nothing more precious to me than this

new pictures

There are new pictures up. A bunch of Brianna and some from our weekend in Peoria visiting Dawn & Chris. Hope you all had a great weekend and have a great Monday!

just popping in...

Hey all...yes, we are still alive and well. Things have been super crazy at work, and we've had company the last couple of weekends, so the time to post has been few and far between. (that and when I'm actually on the computer at night...I tend to choose to play euchre...I blame Steve for that addiction. :) Two weekends ago, Ben & Amanda came down to go out to dinner and to just hang out for the weekend. We went to Shula's Steakhouse (very yummy) and then came back to the house for some board and card games. Matt, Steph, and Kadi also came over to join in the fun and a good time was had by all. Last week was a super long week at work (averaging over 12 hours a day...boo) and on Saturday Steve and Alli came up to visit. Their 5th anniversary was last Friday and they were leaving for vacation and were flying out of O'Hare, so they came up and are leaving their car here while they are gone. It was a good excuse to see them. This coming weekend Bob and I are heading to Peoria to visit Dawn & Chris and to see Minus Six play in Peoria. We're both really looking forward to it and are happy that we've gotten a chance to see our friends this month. Things will definitely slow down on the traveling front after that at least until tax season is over (but does it really ever end? not in our office) Other than that not too much exciting going on here. (do I type that in every post?) Anyway...I'll leave you with a couple pictures of Brianna, she is turning into quite the ham these days.

Updated to add: Well I was going to leave you with pictures of Brianna, but Blogger is being a pain and won't let me. I promise to upload some new pics soon!

welcome to 2008

Another year gone by...wow! How strange it is that time seems to be passing so quickly. Really I still think I'm 21 and I am fast approaching that 30 year mark. I remember when I thought 30 was old. Ha! Anyway...since I last left you, not too much has been going on.
We attended the wedding of our friends Matt & Steph.
The wedding was beautiful and very fun. Brianna spent the night at Papa Bob and Grandma Nancy's while we attended the wedding.

We spent New Year's Eve at the Goodness house in Wisconsin. We had a good time, but ended up going to bed early(we did make it until after 12) as we were all still pretty tired from the wedding.
We wish you all happiness and health in 2008! We look forward to seeing you this year!
There aren't any new pictures in the album, all the pictures I took at the wedding turned out blurry, so this is all you get....I need a new camera. (Take note Bob...my birthday is only 3 months away :)