needing advice...

So, I'm back on the wagon to eat better, exercise more regularly and lose some (or a lot) of weight.  I do OK eating wise at work and I tend to drink a lot of water during the day.  My real problems come in at home...maybe because I have access to food here more easily than at work or maybe it is just a long ingrained habit...I don't know for sure what it is..but I need help.  What do I do to avoid eating at home or at least snacking mindlessly or late at night?  Any tips would be welcome.  I know I need to start tracking what I'm eating...so I'm going to start doing that again, but any other tips would be great.  I'm not big into crash diets or completely eliminating food from my life because for me that is just not sustainable.  I want to be able to drink a beer, have some ice cream, etc when I want to.  I don't want to feel like I'm in a food prison, because I know that will just make me want those things even more.  I have a significant amount of weight I want to lose, but it isn't about being skinny I just want to feel better about myself and most importantly be around for my kids and husband for a long, long time.  So have at it...what should I be doing to get on the right track??

finding a balance...

I've never been very good at balance.  When I dive into something I usually dive in headfirst and whatever I'm doing consumes me until I'm done.  Lately, I've been somewhat obsessed with hanging things on the walls and decorating the house.  I spent a day while the kids were sick printing new pictures finding picture frames and hanging stuff.  I have ideas of other things I want to do, but don't have the supplies to actually complete them.  I just finished reading 11/22/63 (the novel by Stephen King) it is about 850 pages.  Any free time I had while I was in the middle of that book went into reading it until I was done.  See, I get consumed by a particular project until I can check it off my list.  I'm better about multitasking at work but in my personal life I just can't seem to balance a bunch of stuff at once.  Obviously, I can't just be consumed with the kids for the next 11-14 years and not do anything else, but I don't know how to spread my time out, how to do things for myself and for everyone else without spreading myself too thin.  With a full-time job, 2 side bookkeeping jobs and the kids, I barely have any time left for Bob, much less myself, and in general the time I have for myself I honestly just want to sleep!  What is the key to a balanced life (or at least a more balanced life)?  How do you find time to do things that feed your soul and re-energize you when you feel like you have nothing left?  I know there are some very smart and well balanced mamas that read this...so I'm looking to you, wise ones, to help me have a more balanced 2013.

just go to sleep would ya....

I'm what...7 days and 4 posts into the new year and I'm already out of things to talk about. 
Here's one...bedtime routines...what do you guys do to get your kids to bed with no fuss?  I know there are some of you out there, we have friends that put their kids down at 6-7 pm and they don't hear another peep out of them until morning.  On more than one occasion Bryce has been up well past 10pm.  We put him to bed and he just continually gets out of bed until someone yells and then he will eventually pass out.  Both kids are hard to get up in the morning (neither have ever been kids to get up at 5am...ever!), but we're combating that with family breakfasts. Even though they don't have to leave for school until close to 8am, they get up at 6:15ish and eat breakfast with me before I go to work.  This gives them time to eat, get dressed and truly wake up without being too rushed in the morning.  So far it seems to be helping and mornings seem to be a bit less stressful (although truthfully, Bob would be the one to ask since I'm out the door by 6:30/6:40 every morning...but he tells me it is helping).  Bedtimes are still a struggle though...both kids say they are scared and want to sleep with us...this is not an option in our house.  I honestly don't think they are scared, it is just a stall tactic.  We've tried letting them play for 15 minutes in their rooms before bedtime to unwind a little, they get plenty of notice that bedtime is approaching, but still there is crying almost every night.  So, those of you that are bedtime magicians with kids that just go to bed at bedtime...what is your secret??  This worn out mama wants to know!

dinner chat...

We are a meal plan family.  I print out the calendar every month (sometimes a couple of months at a time) and we sit down and decide what we're having for dinner every day that month.  Thursdays are always leftover days (because Friday is garbage day) but other than that...we don't really repeat any meals during the month.  I have a list of probably 35-40 things my family will actually eat (they might not all be favorites..but in general they will eat what I put in front of them)  We generally grocery shop for the entire month (although there is always trips for milk and fresh produce in the month as well) but for us this works...we save money on groceries by not making multiple trips during the week and by not eating out when we don't feel like cooking or when "there is nothing to eat".  Now, that is not to say that we still don't occasionally decide that we don't want what is on the menu and swap it for another day or break down and get pizza or subs, but our meal plan drastically reduces those urges.  I don't mind making dinner when I get home from work and don't first have to decide what to eat.  Does anyone else make a meal plan?  What are your favorite go-to recipes?  I'm always looking for new things to try!
Oh...and in case you didn't notice...I posted some more cake pics on the cake/cookie page!
(sorry for the super random post...we just made our January meal plan and got groceries so it was on my mind) :)

possibly the year of more posts...

In addition to nurturing my friendships more, I'm going to attempt to nurture my little blog more.  It most certainly is the first thing that gets neglected when I get busy or overwhelmed, but truth is...I love writing here. On Bryce's birthday this year I looked back to the posts leading up to and immediately following his birth and was so incredibly thankful for every poorly written post.  I smiled and laughed and teared up and remembered so vividly those moments, things I probably would have forgotten.  So, I'm back on the saddle...for now at least! I'm hoping (but never really believing) that life is going to be slowing down a little now that we are settled in our house (which we still adore!) and in a pretty good routine for the moment at least.  So, my question to you is...what do you want to know?  I need to get back in the habit of regularly writing as it seems that as my company moves more into social media an insurance blog is in my future (don't worry...it'll be informative and fun...just like me!)  Also, even though I have a huge stack of books to read...what are the best books you read in 2012 that I should definitely read?  I'm half way through 11/22/63 and I love it...I may review it...but I always think my book reviews stink so we'll see.
So, the floor is yours...ask away and leave those book recommendations!

resolution...of sorts...

In general I'm not big on New Year's resolutions.  I mean yes, I always have good intentions of starting the new year with a clean slate, I'm going to eat better, sleep more, exercise and in general take better care of myself, and then after a month or so there are a million other things that take priority above taking better care of myself.  It is the joyous curse of being a mom.  So for the most part I don't make resolutions or I guess to be more honest I make them every day.  Every night before I go to sleep, I think over my day, pat myself on the back for the good things I did that day, goals I met or improvements I made and then I think about the parts of my day where I failed or didn't meet my goals and I resolve to start fresh tomorrow, to start the next day with a new slate, to not let my shortcomings defeat me for the coming day. 
All of this to say, I don't write down resolutions, but for 2013 I have a resolution that I am going to do my best to work at and improve. 
In 2013 I want to be a better friend.  I feel like over the last 2 years I have let my friendships slide, hoping they would ride through the storm without the attention and love they need and deserve.  I won't apologize for doing what I had to do for the past two years while our whole world was upside down, trying to sell a house in a crappy market, living apart, struggling financially and just trying to keep my head above water and survive.  But I do have some regret that I let people I love down, that I maybe wasn't there for them as much as I wanted to be and I didn't tend to my friendships in the way they deserve.  I have the very best of friends (some of whom happen to be related to me either by blood or marriage) who love me for who I am, faults and all. In a way I feel like I am missing a part of myself when I don't nurture the friendships that are so dear to me.  So, while I'm sure there will be days when I lay my head down on my pillow and know that I wasn't the greatest of friend that day, I will take a deep breath and consciously resolve to do better the next day.  Friendships take work and I don't ever want those that mean the most to me to think I take them for granted, I resolve to work at my friendships and to make time for them, because they are important to me.  It may be luck that these people happened into my life but it is work, love, caring and time that keeps them here.  Thank you for sticking by me for the last 2 years and allowing me the room and love to take more from our friendships than I gave.  I love you all!  Here is to 2013...full of love, laughter and friends.

i'm baaaack...with a book review (more updates soon...i promise!)

Christmas came a little early this year when the newest installment in A Modern Witch series popped into my email.  I couldn't wait to sit down and start this book.  Unfortunately, I did have to wait a couple of days, but when I started it, I couldn't put it down.  I read it in 2 sittings (it would have been 1 but it was Christmas and I had to spend some time with my family!)
With her latest installment Geary brings back all of our favorite witches and we get to learn a great deal more about a witch that makes a brief appearance in the first book of the series.
After Jamie and Lauren walk into Beth's circle in A Modern Witch they do some serious damage and leave Beth to pick up the pieces.  Beth is haunted and also strangely drawn into the offer of training that Jamie made to her the day he and Lauren came to the circle.  When Beth is transported into the Realm on a fluke, Beth is completely unraveled and Lauren knows they have to  repair the damage they have done.  Beth agrees to come to Berkley to train and right away they can all tell she is different, in her learning process and in her sense of community.  When Beth discloses that she has autism, the community of witches tries hard to adapt and help Beth learn in the best way they can.  Nell particularly has a difficult time relating and understanding Beth, which shakes her to her core.  A Different Witch is an amazing story of overcoming and embracing our differences for the betterment of all involved and how in the end maybe we aren't so different after all.
I loved the fifth book of this series as much as I loved the first four.  I found myself relating to Nell as a mother and as the heart of a family, to want to protect those you love so fiercely that you are scared to let the "different" in and also to Beth to want to be accepted as who you are and not just looked at as "different".  I know I have said it a thousand times but I. LOVE. THIS. SERIES. I got the first three books of this series in paperback for Christmas, you know it is a keeper when you not only have it on your e-reader, but also want it on your bookshelf!  Happy Reading!

**In the interest of full disclosure, I was given this book by the author, but all opinions are mine and mine alone

birthday number four...

Dear Bryce,
This is the first time I've every really been stumped as to what to write to you on your birthday.  I try to tell you everyday how much you are loved and how special you are and it is my hope that you always know that and that these birthday posts are just a little extra special boost of love for you.  I'm not sure why I'm having such difficulty with this post, maybe because your antics often leave me speechless so when I think back over the last year...I really just have no words.  I has been a bit of a rough year...lots of changes both good and bad.  But you've handled it better than I think anyone your age would.  You have a heart of gold, but definitely have a little mischievous streak and love to keep us on our toes.  Your stories keep us laughing and wondering what exactly goes on in that brain of yours...oh to just be inside your head for a little while would be such an amazing (and probably scary) thing!  You seem wise beyond your years, but I think you'll always have the heart of a little boy, easy to love,easy to hurt, but never one to hold a grudge.  I'm in awe of the person you are growing up to be.  I see so much of your daddy in you, always be proud of that...he is a good man, one of the best in fact.  I know that as you grow I will learn as much, if not more, from you as you will from me.  You are my heart little man and you are one of the greatest joys in my life.  Even when I am upset and we argue (and I'm sure that will happen a lot more as the years go on) never, ever forget that I love you with all of my heart and will always be your biggest fan.  I love you little man!
4 years ago I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I did in this moment looking at you right after you were born...4 years later I can honestly say I love you more every single day. Thank you for making every day an adventure, I am so thankful and blessed that God chose me to be your mommy!

Happy 4th Birthday to the most handsome, loveable, funny four year old I know!
Love always,
Mommy

to have and to code...

To Have and To Code (A Witch Central Romance) is the newest edition to my favorite community of witches by one of my all time favorite authors, Debora Geary!  I was so excited and happy when this popped up in my email on Thursday evening.  We were heading out of town on Friday and the whole time I was getting stuff put together on Thursday night all I kept thinking about is how much I wanted to stop doing it all and sit down with this book. I ended up starting it about midnight on Friday morning and read for a little while.  Then finished it on our 5 hour drive to St. Louis Friday night.  It was amazing, sweet, funny, thoughtful...an all around fabulous book.

I love the fact that Geary is going back and telling the story of some of our favorite witch couples.  How fitting that she starts with Nell and Daniel.  If you have read the other books, you know that these are the parents of Aervyn (and if you haven't read the books...why have you not read the books??  Get on it NOW!)  The Witch Central series tells us that Daniel was the first non-witch to hack his way into the witches only level of  Realm.  To Have and To Code tells us the rest of the story.  Daniel is a man with immense talent but is sort of wandering, not having a real purpose, sure he is working and doing some good things with troubled kids, but he is still just drifting about with no real sense of home and purpose.  When he hacks his way into Realm he unknowingly changes his life forever.  Nell is a driven, focused woman.  Her life is Realm and her family and her best friend Sammy.  Nell's life is in a bit of an upheaval with the pending wedding and move of her best friend when Daniel hacks into her game and her heart.

Nell and Daniel's story is a roller coaster ride of emotions (much like any relationship), and I'm so glad that Geary has let us come along for the ride. 

I know I say this every time I write a review, but these are seriously some of my favorite books of all time.  I love everything about these books, except for the fact that they seem to be over too soon.

Happy reading everyone!!

**While I was gifted a copy of this book...these opinions are mine and mine alone.**

sugar rush...

For those of you who don't check out the other pages of my blog, here are some cakes I've made recently.  I'm pretty happy with the way they turned out.  I'm no professional, but I'm getting better! :)

My Little Pony Carousel cake for my co-worker's daughter's 3rd birthday.  I had a little damage in transit but I was able to repair it fairly well, and if the 3 year old's squeals were any indication...she loved it! :)

Brianna's 7th birthday cake.  I need to work a bit on my drawing skills, but not too bad for having moved the day before and whipping this up the morning of the party!

i shall now reveal what has been consuming my life...

Our new home...I'm in love...and happy...but very very tired.  :)  Enjoy the pics of our new home...we have a little way to go...but we've got a good start!

the one where i pretend i didn't just abandon my blog for a month...

My dear pretty (and handsome) readers, I promise I haven't forgotten about you...life has been sort of...hectic.  What with moving and starting school and visitors we've had just a little bit going on.  I've been meaning to post some house pictures, but just realized I haven't taken any and can't now because the kids are sleeping and my kitchen is a mess...so you'll just have to wait patiently for those.  Maybe by this weekend I'll have that done...after I get a couple of projects done for Bryce's room.  But for now, here is an update. 

We are moved and have a good deal unpacked.  That isn't to say we don't still have a lot left to unpack...because we do...A LOT.  But, we've done without most of the stuff for the last year and a half, so really...how important can it be? We are settling into a routine and the kids love it here.  They spend their nights playing with the kids in the neighborhood riding bikes, running laughing...things kids are supposed to do.  I bet most weeknights our TV doesn't get turned on...I LOVE it.  I love that the kids are playing outside (and begging to go out most times) and I even love that we have kids in and out of our house almost every night.  This place truly feels like home.  My heart is happy.  And now that we are on the other side (and are living to tell about it), it was so totally worth every sleepless night, every fight, every tear, every penny...I have never felt so much that we are exactly where we are supposed to be.  That isn't to say everything has been sunshine and roses, but the good far outweighs the bad and I am thankful and feel very blessed.

Brianna started 1st grade last Monday.  She seems to be happy although she doesn't tell us much about school.  Can't get the kid to stop talking most of the time but get one word answers when you ask her about her day.  Go figure!  Here is her obligatory 1st day of school picture.

Bryce started preschool today.  He was so excited and had a great day.  So great in fact he fell asleep about 2 minutes after Bob picked him up and slept for 2 1/2 hours.  He apparently didn't sleep at nap time and no nap and full day preschool will take a lot out of a kid.

I just got back from a walk so it is time  for this girl to take a shower and head to bed.  I'll be back soon with a tour of the house...I promise!

to my sweet girl on her seventh birthday...

Dear Brianna,
Well, I'm a little late on this, but I still have a bit of time before your birthday is over, so here goes nothing.  I've had such a hard time writing this birthday post, I've written and rewritten it dozens of times, I just cannot seem to find the right words to tell you what is in my heart.  How do you explain how your heart is so full and happy seeing the independent strong young lady your baby girl is becoming all the while your heart is breaking because the more independent and strong you get, the less you need me.  I look at you and I am amazed...amazed at the person you've become and the wonderful things I know will come for you.  I wish so much I could help you avoid heartache and pain...believe me I've made some mistakes that I would love to help you avoid, BUT I know in my heart you are so much like me that even if I tell you the answers and give you advice to help you avoid the hurt and heartache, you will still have to go off on your own, just to make sure I'm telling you the truth.  Sort of like telling someone something is hot and they inevitably have to touch it just to make sure it really is hot.  As much as it may frustrate me that you have to take the hard road to figure it out on your own, it also makes me immensely proud that you want to pave your own way and not take the easy way out...that you want to lead and not always follow.  The day you were born you took a piece of my heart with you...everything you feel...I feel.  Your hurt is my hurt, your joy is my joy, your tears are mine.  I hope life always brings you more laughter than tears and joy than hurt, but during the times of hurt and tears...always remember the hard times always make the good that much sweeter.  You are my life, my love and will always be my baby girl.

This quote always makes me think of you and your brother...

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you.  After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

Happy seventh birthday my sweet Brianna, I love you more than you can possibly know.

Love always,
mama

late night ramblings...

Apparently the only ways to get me to post regularly is to give me a book that I really love and dangle the reward of another great book in front of me if I post a review about it...or...to have 1 million things running through my head and no ability to shut them off so I can go to sleep.  Tonight it is the latter.  Since I'm not thinking super clearly tonight I think bullet points are in order, unless you'd like to read this entire post as one long run-on sentence.

• We are on track (at least as far as I know) to close on our house on the 31st of this month.  THIS MONTH people!!  It will be the longest/shortest month ever.
• By the time we move out, the kids and I will have been at my parents for almost an entire year.
• My parents are saints.
• I fall more in love with our house every time I step foot into it.  (and I LOVED it from just the pictures online).
• As much as I love it, I am at this point still trying not to get too attached...things have had a way of falling apart for the last 2ish years...so I'm being cautiously optimistic.
• I know many will read the above comment and think that I am negative, but really...I'm just trying to protect myself a little from heartbreak...it has been a very long road.
• I am itching to get into the house and do stuff (it is empty right now), my patience is now practically non-existent.
• I realize my last couple of bullets are completely contradictory.
• My pinterest board for the house is completely out of control right now.  I think I could craft 24 hours a day until our closing and still not do all the stuff I want to do.
• Who knew that finding bedding that Bob and I both like (and doesn't cost as much as the house) would be so hard?
• Do you know that Walmart sells a shower curtain that can range from $199.99-$512.00?
• If you are paying $512 for a shower curtain...why are you shopping at Walmart?
• I have a hard time paying $20 for a shower curtain...it is a piece of fabric that gets wet...seriously...why should that cost me that much money?
• We have a spreadsheet of stuff we need for the house, complete with links to things we like and prices.  We are nerds.
• If you haven't guessed by now...the house is consuming my life.
• Although I'm never entirely happy with my baking exploits...I feel it is fairly safe to say I've made some kick ass cakes this month.
• I made one tonight for a co-worker...angel food cake with strawberries and whipped cream frosting that I decorated with raspberries, blueberries and almond slices and made them look like flowers. 
• I made one a few weeks ago that was yellow cake with raspberry chocolate ganache and chocolate glaze frosting, garnished with fresh raspberries.
• I'll post pictures of said cakes soon.
• I'm so excited to make Brianna's birthday cake in my new kitchen!
• The kitchen is my favorite part of the whole house, it sealed the deal for me.
• I will now stop talking about the house.
• I had about 12,000 more things to say...but I've forgotten them all. 
• I guess that is a sign it is time to stop rambling.

Thanks as always for checking in, things are bound to be a little crazy for the next few weeks, but I'll try to pop back in just to let you know I'm still alive! Hope everyone has a great week and a happy and safe Fourth of July!!

another installment of my favorite witches...

I'm starting to think Debora Geary has some magical powers herself, since it seems that every time I need a break from reality and a really really good book to get lost in an email from her pops up in my inbox!  This past weekend was no exception.  I may have sounded like a 10 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert when I saw that book arrive in my inbox on Friday morning!  Darn that little thing called work.  I managed to find enough time over the weekend to get lost in my favorite witch community, it was just the break this tired mama needed.  Anyway, enough of my rambling...onto the book review.

A Nomadic Witch takes us back to Nova Scotia where the lovable but hard-headed and somewhat grumpy Marcus was biding his time, trying to get back to his solitary life and away from the meddling witching community, when suddenly a message from a suspicious stranger turns Marcus's and the entire community world upside down.  Throughout the book you get a glimpse into why Marcus is the way he is and how one tiny girl with lavender eyes can rock him to his core and help him to start living again after forty-three years.

Another fantastic book by Geary, I don't think I have to tell you  after all this time that I'm a huge fan.  Seriously, why haven't you read this series yet??  My only suggestion...make sure you get all of the available books at once, because once you start you aren't going to want to stop. 

**disclosure:  While I did receive this book from the author, the opinions are all my own.**

god bless the usa...

I know I'm a few days late in posting this, but things have been a little hectic actually since today is officially Memorial Day...I'm right on time.  Here is my little man paying tribute to all those who have served and are serving our country.  I couldn't say it better myself.  No words are ever enough to thank you for what you have done and continue to do for us.  Thoughts and prayers are always with your and your families.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

thirty-two...

Before the day is out I want to write a birthday post to my very best friend and the love of my life.  I don't know how to put into words how much I love this man and how much I have missed him.  I've been sort of disconnected these last months and I think sometimes he doesn't think I miss him at all, but the truth is...if I actually  let in how much I miss him, how much it hurts not to see him everyday, I don't know that I could pull myself together enough to make it through the day.  He has always been my biggest fan and my strength, and even though these last few months have been hard I know that we have always been on the same side, fighting for what is best for our family.  We may not always agree, but we are always there for each other.  I love you more than you can possibly imagine.  Here's to many, many, many more birthdays TOGETHER.  Miss you and love you!!

ramblings of a cluttered mind...

Oh goodness, I don't even know where to start.  Our house is under contract.  Did I tell you that blogland??  I am so overwhelmed with life that I don't even know if I wrote  a post about that.  So, yes...we are under contract, have gotten through the inspection and the appraisal was last week.  May 14th seems to be the magic date, but we haven't heard anything official yet.  Our house...our home...is packed up.  Pretty much everything we own is boxed up sitting in our garage ready to be loaded into a big truck and driven away from our very first home.  I'm such a mixed bag of emotions.  So happy that my family will be together again, sad that we are leaving the place we became a family and the only home my kids have ever known, scared because there are still so many unknowns, angry because of the stupid housing market, excited because of this great new chapter in our lives and peace because somehow in the middle of all of the turmoil...it just feels right.  For the last 9 months while we have been living separately I feel like I've had to keep everything together, to put on a happy face, to suppress most everything I was actually feeling so that I could just make it through.  Now, with the light at the end of the tunnel peeking through, it is like I'm feeling 9 months worth of emotions all at the same time.  Today a feed from a blog that I read popped up in my inbox.  It was centered around this "Be still and know that I am God".  I need this right now.  Stillness.  I need to focus on the peace that I feel knowing in my heart, this is right where my family needs to be.  While I adore that little house in Streamwood, it is just a house, because home is wherever we are together.  There are lots of memories there, but there are lots more to be made...it is just the beginning.

monday smiles...

witches in flight...

The third and final (boo hoo) installment of the Witches on Parole series landed in my inbox early last week.   I don't know what it is about these books (I think Geary puts a magic spell on them or something) but I'm like a child when I find out a new one is headed my way.  I will stay up until all hours of the night, ignoring pretty much everything else until I finish it.  There is a wonderful magic about this series and these characters...I swear I would love to live in this place and have these characters be my neighbors!  Anyway, on to the book review...

Elsie and Lizard's time with witchlight is quickly drawing to a close.  They have discovered parts of themselves they never new existed and found a sense of belonging and love they never knew they were missing.  Both Lizard and Elsie have a large hurdle they need to overcome and with the help of the witching community and each other they are sure to accomplish it.

I cannot say enough about this series.  In my 25+ years of reading, I can honestly say Geary's books are some of my absolute favorites.  How many more ways can I say this...GO READ THIS SERIES!!!