claire update...

Little Claire has relapsed. I'm tearing up even typing those words. Sarah and Nathan are two of the strongest people I know and their faith is amazing. I know that they will get through this. Every day I pray that God will take care of them, I have always believed that things happen for a reason, that there is a plan. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers, and if you don't pray, whatever you do in situations like this, please do it. Sarah left me a message last month when Bryce was in the NICU offering encouragement and she wrote something that has stuck with me, she said that it is hard to not be able to heal our children with our own hands, but God's hands can and will heal them.

monday afternoon project...

Yesterday I was reading through my blog list and read Jodie's post on a Valentine's Day craft. I have been looking for something to do with Brianna that wouldn't take tons of time because I have at best 2 hours between Bryce's feedings (that is if he goes to sleep after he finishes his bottle). I thought this looked like fun, so after lunch Bryce was taking a nap and I sent Brianna upstairs to do the same (of course she didn't nap, but did play quietly), and got the stuff ready to do this project. I grated the crayons and decided I was going to try to do a heart-shaped wreath using the kids' handprints instead, so I cut out the heart that we would glue the handprints onto. After nap time Brianna was very excited to work on the project so I let her sprinkle the crayon shavings onto the wax paper and she kept saying "that's cool!" when I ran the iron over them. After they were done I set out cutting out handprints (and footprints in Bryce's case, have you ever tried to trace a 2-month-old's hand...not easy my friend). This process took far too long in Brianna's opinion, she just wanted to glue. Anyway, here is the end result, not fantastic, but still cute and of course still hung up on our wall!

weekend update...

Whew..is it Tuesday already? Man, where does the time go? Since I've been home with the kids it seems like the minutes/hours go slowly, but the days/weeks fly by.

Anyway, this past weekend we had a great relaxing and fun weekend. Friday night I went out to dinner with a couple of friends and to a movie (Marley & Me) the movie was fantastic, if you go to see it, remember your tissues! Saturday I decided to take Brianna to watch a dance competition. (My friend Amanda's sister Steph is the coach of the Lake Park dance team and they were competing). We got there about 9am, just in time to see Lake Park perform their first routine. They were fantastic! Brianna sat so still just watching and clapping, it was adorable. After a while, while we were watching the hip hop competition, she starting dancing in the bleachers and pretty much hasn't stopped dancing around the house since. She even says to me "I want to be a dancer". What a kid. We got home about 3 Saturday afternoon and relaxed for the rest of the day. Saturday night, Brianna crawled in bed with me and we both read and then she fell asleep book in hand. As Bob likes to frequently say "she is my daughter" because most nights you can find me just like this.

love-hate...

I have a total love-hate relationship with...the gym, more specifically...the stairmaster. The gym is one of those things that, once I am there...I love being there. I love pushing myself just to see how far I can go, I love that it is time just for me. I can put my headphones in, crank up the music and run, walk, climb, or pedal until everything is gone from my head. And sometimes, I can actually read a book while I'm working out and not feel guilty for reading because there are so many other things I should be doing. Yesterday I read half a book while riding the recumbant bike...HALF a book, in an hour...no interruptions..

Anyway, back to my point, I love the gym once I'm there...but I hate getting there. Granted it is pretty much my only way out of the house these days, but getting my gym clothes on and out the door pretty much takes all my willpower these days. I've been through this before, I know that the more I work out the more energy I have and the less I'll be tired, but before getting to that point I know I'm going to be sore and really tired, I'm not sure I have the strength to battle through the bad part again.

In reality, I should have been working out all through my pregnancy, I had ambitions to gain no more than 25lbs. HA! Through week 18 I gained only 5lbs. At my 22 week appointment I gained 9lbs. NINE! and the rest of the pregnancy pretty much continued along those lines. I did nothing differently, I ate the same things as I did at the begining of pregnancy, but I just kept gaining weight. Granted, I was definitely lazy and didn't activly try to keep my weight down, except for watching what I ate. Then Bryce was born and he only weighed 5lbs 7oz....I gained 43lbs. Seriously, how does that happen?

(Wow, this is becoming a very scattered post...back to my point...I swear)

Last week I made my first trip to the gym since Bryce was born. It was packed, because I got there at 5pm (worst time ever to work out). Pretty much the only thing open was the stairmaster. When I first joined the gym I wondered why it looked like people were going so slow on the stairmaster, I mean...it is just stairs right, how hard can it be. And then I used it for the first time....holy hell, I wanted to die after about 2 minutes. After a while, I could do an hour on the stairmaster without wanting to die. It wasn't easy, but I could make it through and burn a decent amount of calories doing it. So last Tuesday I hopped up on the stairmaster and set it for 30 min, I figured I could do that...I couldn't possibly be that out of shape. WRONG! The machine started, my heart rate shot up and I was sweating and then I looked down at the timer, all of 2 minutes had passed. I pushed my way through 15 minutes...but no way could I go 30.

I love the stairmaster because it is a great workout that burns a good amount of calories, but I hate that every minute on it feels like an hour. I hate how it makes me feel when I'm on it, but love how I feel when I actually make it through an entire workout.

Our new insurance gives a $20 credit for my gym membership if I go at least 12 times/month. I have to go 10 more times before the end of the month to get my credit (yes, that is almost every day), so you can bet the stairmaster and I will be seeing a lot of each other in the near future. I just need to push through this initial frustration and anger...I worked really hard to lose this weight the first time, I don't want to have to lose it again, but I do and I will and hopefully sooner rather than later I'll be back to pre-baby weight and then I can work on all the rest of the weight that has been hanging around for far too long. To be honest,as much as I hate having to lose this weight again, I'd do it in a heartbeat for this little man.

new year, new baby, new look...

I still don't know if I'm completely satisfied with the new look or the name yet, so I'm open to suggestions if you have any. I'm trying to give myself a daily reminder to appreciate the small things. Anyway, I'll try to write something of substance at another time, but for now, let me know how you like the new look, I was trying to simplify...I strive to make things as simple as possible these days...ha...I don't think it is working because instead of using one of bloggers templates which would have changed up the look in about 5 minutes, I had to find a template and then mess around with it to get it to my liking (or at least to an acceptable point). I guess there is always tomorrow to try to simplify things. I'll be back to write about my rekindled love hate relationship and more about the kids (of course), but for now I'm off to watch 24 with the hubby.

claire...

Please if you have time say some prayers for little Claire. If you are unaware of who Claire is, she is the 1 year old daughter of my high school classmate and friend. Last year she was diagnoised with cancer, her first round of treatment went well, but it seems now she needs some more prayers. Go here to read for yourself and please keep that beautiful little girl in your prayers.
Thanks everyone!

quick post...

Hello all...just wanted to write a quick post to update you on Bryce's check up that he had last Thursday. He is doing very well, eating like a champ (now that he is on formula) and as of last Thursday he weighs 8lbs 10.5oz! We were shocked. We knew he had put on weight...but were amazed by those numbers. He is in the 15th percentile for his age, so he is still on the small side, but he's catching up. I know I have much to update and pictures to upload...I hope to maybe get the pictures uploaded tonight (no promises). I actually do have a lot to write about but just haven't had time to put down any coherent thoughts. Plus I'm hoping to get a new look to this little blog in the near future as well. Stay tuned...but until then...here is a picture of the kids from today.

christmas 2008...

Wow, can it really be over already. Does it seem to anyone else that Christmas comes and goes extremely fast these days? Granted this year was not exactly typical for us, but still, it seems like we just got the tree and decorations up and now its time to put them away. We had a good Christmas. Brianna really enjoyed the whole thing and was so excited with her gifts. We went to Crystal Lake on Christmas Eve to spend time with Bob's family and go to church with them (yes we took Bryce to church even though we weren't really supposed to). Christmas day we spent at home in our pjs, playing games, putting together puzzles, napping, reading. All-in-all a perfect day. We are heading to Iowa on Wednesday to round out our holidays for 2008, we are looking forward to seeing family and having Bryce meet his Aunt Angie, Uncle Nick, Braden & Jackson. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by your loved ones. We wish you all a happy and healthy 2009!

fattening him up...

I'm baaaack! Things are slowly getting into a routine around here (very slowly). We took Bryce to the doctor yesterday afternoon for a weight check. The infant nurse said his coloring looked fantastic and he's weighing in at 5lbs 15oz. She said he was doing amazing. (Which we already knew!) For someone who wasn't interested in eating at all when we first brought him home, that is all he wants to do now. No one has been sleeping very well lately, Bryce has his days/nights mixed up and I think Brianna is feeling a little insecure because she has been waking up in the middle of the night and crawling into our bed. Bryce is in our room in a bassinette and I think she is feeling a little left out in her room. But we are slowly but surely trying to get into a decent routine and are looking forward to spending lots of quality time together over the next 3 weeks. Bob has a couple of weeks of vacation he is taking and he is taking his 2nd week of family leave the week after the 1st, so we'll have some family time together which I'm totally looking forward to. Other than that not too much going on here. I'll leave you with a couple of pictures of the kids, Brianna really does love her brother!

love comes in all sizes...

I've read about Love Thursday for a while now, but haven't ever participated until now. After the crazy week we've had, I could not let this Love Thursday pass me by without sharing photos of 2 of the loves of my life. They have made me a better person, more patient and more kind. The have made me a mom, and dispite all of the frustrations that come along with it, there is no job I'd rather have than mom to these two beautiful babies. Happy Love Thursday!

home again...

We are home, we actually got home yesterday. Bryce was doing much better on Sunday so they shut the bili lights off and watched him to make sure his numbers didn't rebound. We stayed in the hospital Saturday night in a courtesy room, but Sunday night decided we would come home and get some sleep and take Brianna to daycare on Monday to give her some sort of "normal" back as she had been shuffled around all week. We got to the NICU about 9am on Monday and saw that he was doing well. The doctor said he'd probably be released around noon, so we did his 9 o'clock feeding and hung out with him. Because of his high bili numbers the had to retest his hearing, apparently high bili levels can damage the nerves in the ears. On the first round his right ear didn't pass, so they retested him before he left and he passed. Yay! His weight yesterday at discharge was just under 5lbs. He's on a pretty strict feeding schedule right now, and did really well with it yesterday. Today we took him in to see the infant nurse and his bili level was around 9-10 and his weight was a whopping 5lbs 6oz! Almost up to his birth weight, woo hoo. He has to go back in a week for another weight check but everything looks good. It has been such a whirlwind these last 6-7 days since he decided he was ready to enter the world. But having him home now and doing so well is great. I'm tired (as you will see when you see our Christmas cards...don't mind how washed out I look! :))
I know my last post was probably a little overly dramatic, I knew he was going to be fine, and I in no way want to compare myself to those parents who watch their child/children in the NICU day after day, I fully realize it is not the same situation at all. But walking into the NICU was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Thoughts of Dale & Suzanne flooded into my mind, walking by all the isolettes with the tiniest of babies, it tore at my heart in ways I could never imagine. I think my emotions and tears had more to do with all of them than it did with Bryce. As Dale said the NICU is God's way of showing you how helpless you are. The doctors and nurses in the NICU were so wonderful, I think it takes a special kind of person to work there, and they were such a comfort to us during our short time there. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words of encouragement during the last week...it means so much to us.
So, now that we're all home and Bob goes back to work tomorrow (for a week and a half), I'm hoping to sort of get into a routine, it seems like everytime I pick something up or do dishes there is suddenly another mess to clean up or another pile of dishes to do. I'm trying my best to get our Christmas cards done and Bryce's birth announcements...but we'll see :).
I'll hopefully be back blogging soon...but I think sleep may take priority for a few days!
Have a great week everyone!

(Dale I linked to you in my post...I think that means you need a new post now! :)

helpless...

Is there anything worse than feeling helpless when it comes to your children? Bryce is jaundiced and his levels are high enough and his weight loss is great enough that he has landed himself in the NICU for a couple of days (most likely). He went for a checkup this morning after being discharged yesterday and Bob had to take him to outpatient lab to have his billyruben (sp?) checked. The called us an hour or so later and informed us that we needed to take him back to the hospital to be admitted. He has lost about 9oz since birth (about 10% of his weight) and his billyruben level was at 16. So he was admitted this afternoon/evening and is enjoying some time in an isolette under the lights. There is nothing we can do except sit there an watch him. I wish so much I could make it all better, wondering if there is something I could have/should have done differently. My head knows that he is going to be fine and that if you need to have your baby in the NICU, this is probably the best thing to have. But my heart is breaking.

surprise...

So, I guess I made a liar of myself with my post yesterday. Turns out I will not be pregnant mid-January, actually I won't even be pregnant mid-December. Yesterday my water broke. We arrived at the hospital about 6:30pm and after the confirmation of the fact that my water did in fact break, we settled in for our stay. IV was started, antibiotics were given (strep B test didn't have time to come back so antibiotics are given as a precaution), and pitocin was started. Labor progressed and about 1am I had my first round of drugs. It was very strange, I could still feel the contractions and it didn't lessen the pain, but I certainly didn't care about the contractions! I got my epidural around 3:30am, and tried to sleep, but only got about 10 minutes here or there for the next 3 hours. 6:30am, I started feeling contractions, not so good for me, I got a booster (or something) for my epidural, and that made me sick and I still could feel the contractions, the baby had some heart arithmias and between 6:30 and 7 am the baby was ready to enter the world. Two pushes later, he arrived. He was checked over by the neonatoligist due to the arithmias, but everything looks fine. So, without further ado...we are pleased to introduce the newest member of our family...

Bryce Robert Carroll was born at 7:12am (the same time his mommy was born, oh so many years ago), weighing in at 5lbs 7oz, 19 inches long. We could not be happier that this little man is part of our family. Thank you all for the emails, texts, and comments you've left us, we feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.

*attempting to upload pictures to shutterfly...should be up soon*

baby c update...

Just a quick update on baby C's progress. I had an ultrasound today and all looks good. They are estimating baby's weight around 6lbs 1oz, (but can swing 12oz either way...accurate huh?). Anyway, we're still chugging along. When the ultrasound tech was trying to get a profile shot for us, the baby had his/her lips puckered up...it was adorable. The tech just laughed and said "look at those lips!" I'm starting my once a week appointments next week...the countdown is really on now. It is funny to think that Brianna was born at 36 weeks 2 days which would be this Friday for Baby C...guess we'll wait and see what happens. Although I'm fully expecting to still be pregnant mid-January. :o)
Happy Tuesday everyone!

weekend wrap-up...

See, told you I'd be back soon! :o) So, the rest of the weekend was a mix of hectic and relaxing. Saturday Brianna had a birthday party to go to at Chuck-E-Cheese. She had a great time running around and playing with the kids, going on the rides and playing games. She finally crashed after we got home. After her nap and stuffing ourselves on Thanksgiving left-overs, we put up our Christmas tree, which she really loved, she was actually a pretty big help putting up the ornaments this year. She's very excited to have the tree up and keeps asking when Santa is bringing her baby. (Thanks mom for that :o) I'm not sure which she is more excited about the baby, or Santa coming. Bob got the outside decorations up yesterday afternoon (he is the best!). so I think all of our decorations are up, which is exciting! Today Brianna and I made a paper chain to count down the days until Christmas, she loves doing projects, so it was fun for both of us. Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures while we were doing the project, I was enjoying it too much. So, I will leave you with this one picture of her napping after the party. She got those glasses in her goodie bag and now puts them on to "read". What a kid...gotta love her.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and have a great week! I have an ultrasound and doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I'll try to update after that.

grateful...

So, I guess it has been a little while since I've posted. We're still chugging along. We had a good Thanksgiving. Although it was a tad bittersweet for me, as we were supposed to be in Iowa, but decided to stick close to home in case Baby Carroll decided to make his/her appearance early. But other than a lot of heartburn, insomnia, and being very uncomfortable, things are quite calm on the baby front. Thankfully, Bob's parents came over on Thursday and then again on Friday along with Brian and Mary, so I had some distractions to avoid thinking about not being with my family. It is not like I never see my family, but when for the first 23 years of your life you spend every holiday, special occasion with them, and then for the next 5 develop a system where you get to spend every other holiday with them, and then suddenly everything changes (although the reason for the disruption in the plans is a good one and one we're very excited about), it is hard to readjust. Anyway, I know that we'll be together soon enough, and that the new addition to our family will be a wonderful reason to be together. We have so much to be thankful for this year, we are blessed in so many ways, with the friends that we have, who would do anything for us, for the family who loves us unconditionally, for the beautiful little girl who sometimes, we think, is trying to drive us insane, but also makes us laugh on a daily basis, for this new baby, who I am certain is going to bring just as much joy to our life, and (in my case) for Bob, I couldn't get through the day without him. He keeps me going when I don't think I can, and he supports me and loves me unconditionally, for this I am truly thankful. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have a blessed holiday season. I can't believe that 2008 is soon wrapping up, when it seems as if it just started. I'll be back soon with more updates of our weekend and a picture (and yes I only have 1).
Lots of love from our family to yours!

34 weeks and all is well...

Yesterday was my 34 week checkup. Things are still looking good nothing exciting or eventful going on. It is strange for me to think that my 34 week checkup with Brianna was my last doctor's appointment. The morning of my 36 week checkup my water broke. So I am actually kind of heading into unchartered territory for me (well almost). I sound silly when I talk about how nervous these last few weeks make me. People look at me like I'm crazy, I have a 3-year-old, how can I not know what to expect? But Brianna's birth wasn't very typical. There was no timing of contractions, no wondering if it is too soon to go to the hospital, I actually don't even know that I had any contractions (not even Braxton Hicks) before they induced labor at the hospital. This whole pregnancy has been a new experience for me, this baby moves all the time, Brianna was fairly inactive during her time inside (she's making up for it now), everything is just so different. Anyway, I'll keep you updated on how things go, but for now...here are my comparative belly shots. The one on the left is 34(ish) weeks with Brianna, and obviously the right is today (picture taken by Brianna). Happy Friday everyone!

more changes...

No, it is not twins! :) Things have been a little bit hectic around here lately, we've been gone the last couple weekends (I know you are all shocked) but now we are home pretty much until the baby comes. I guess that is to say we have no official plans to travel over the next 2 months. The biggest thing going on around here is that I have officially resigned at my current job. My last day will be December 19th, I gave them a couple months notice so as to give them a chance to find my replacement before tax season hit. I know it seems silly in this economy to give up a decent job, but for us right now it was the right decision. I'm looking forward to spending time with the new baby and Brianna. I went back to work when Brianna was 5 weeks old, so I still, 3 years later, feel like I missed out on a lot when she was a baby. In reality, the timing of this baby and the nature of my job, I would basically miss out on the first 4-5 months of this baby's life. My job is pretty consuming (especially during tax season), and there is just no way I can do it. I've been there almost 6 years, so this was a tough decision for me, and I am definitely going to miss a lot of the people I have come to know over the last 6 years, but I'm excited about the new turn life is going to take. I probably will not remain home forever, but for the first few months at least I will be focused on the kids.

I guess that is the biggest change going on with us, but in other good news Brianna is potty trained. She has been for a little while, I just didn't want to jinx us! I'm enjoying not changing diapers (at least for a little bit of time :)

Today was our first Saturday at home in a while and we spent the day going to the library, going to Target, and making cookies and cupcakes. It has been a fun day for the most part (except that a certain 3-year-old hasn't napped at all). But we're enjoying our time together and we're trying to enjoy the last few weeks of us being a family of 3 before our new arrival comes!

I had a doctor's appointment last Thursday and all is well, I go back in 2 weeks, hopefully everything stays on course. I'm getting a bit uncomfortable (I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Brianna) but thankfully we are both healthy and that is all I can ask for.

Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'll hopefully be posting more in the near future.

happy halloween...

From Our Kitchen to Yours,

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!

Lots of Love!

perfect weekend...

After yesterday's heavy post...I'm going to indulge you all in some gratuitous "cute kid" pictures. We had a great time at the pumpkin farm yesterday, Brianna & Braden went on pony rides, which they both loved, and Jackson was the perfect little man (like always).


Braden and Brianna decorated their pumpkins and worked together on decorating Jackson's.


We did attempt to take pictures of the kids all in their Halloween costumes (I say attempt, because well, we weren't very successful in having 3 smiling kids in a single picture), but I won't be posting them until Halloween, per Bob's instructions. But trust me when I say there are no 3 cuter kids (not that I'm biased). The kids just have so much fun playing together, although our house quite possibly has toys laying on the floor in every single room of the house I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Sunday Everyone!