love-hate...

I have a total love-hate relationship with...the gym, more specifically...the stairmaster. The gym is one of those things that, once I am there...I love being there. I love pushing myself just to see how far I can go, I love that it is time just for me. I can put my headphones in, crank up the music and run, walk, climb, or pedal until everything is gone from my head. And sometimes, I can actually read a book while I'm working out and not feel guilty for reading because there are so many other things I should be doing. Yesterday I read half a book while riding the recumbant bike...HALF a book, in an hour...no interruptions..

Anyway, back to my point, I love the gym once I'm there...but I hate getting there. Granted it is pretty much my only way out of the house these days, but getting my gym clothes on and out the door pretty much takes all my willpower these days. I've been through this before, I know that the more I work out the more energy I have and the less I'll be tired, but before getting to that point I know I'm going to be sore and really tired, I'm not sure I have the strength to battle through the bad part again.

In reality, I should have been working out all through my pregnancy, I had ambitions to gain no more than 25lbs. HA! Through week 18 I gained only 5lbs. At my 22 week appointment I gained 9lbs. NINE! and the rest of the pregnancy pretty much continued along those lines. I did nothing differently, I ate the same things as I did at the begining of pregnancy, but I just kept gaining weight. Granted, I was definitely lazy and didn't activly try to keep my weight down, except for watching what I ate. Then Bryce was born and he only weighed 5lbs 7oz....I gained 43lbs. Seriously, how does that happen?

(Wow, this is becoming a very scattered post...back to my point...I swear)

Last week I made my first trip to the gym since Bryce was born. It was packed, because I got there at 5pm (worst time ever to work out). Pretty much the only thing open was the stairmaster. When I first joined the gym I wondered why it looked like people were going so slow on the stairmaster, I mean...it is just stairs right, how hard can it be. And then I used it for the first time....holy hell, I wanted to die after about 2 minutes. After a while, I could do an hour on the stairmaster without wanting to die. It wasn't easy, but I could make it through and burn a decent amount of calories doing it. So last Tuesday I hopped up on the stairmaster and set it for 30 min, I figured I could do that...I couldn't possibly be that out of shape. WRONG! The machine started, my heart rate shot up and I was sweating and then I looked down at the timer, all of 2 minutes had passed. I pushed my way through 15 minutes...but no way could I go 30.

I love the stairmaster because it is a great workout that burns a good amount of calories, but I hate that every minute on it feels like an hour. I hate how it makes me feel when I'm on it, but love how I feel when I actually make it through an entire workout.

Our new insurance gives a $20 credit for my gym membership if I go at least 12 times/month. I have to go 10 more times before the end of the month to get my credit (yes, that is almost every day), so you can bet the stairmaster and I will be seeing a lot of each other in the near future. I just need to push through this initial frustration and anger...I worked really hard to lose this weight the first time, I don't want to have to lose it again, but I do and I will and hopefully sooner rather than later I'll be back to pre-baby weight and then I can work on all the rest of the weight that has been hanging around for far too long. To be honest,as much as I hate having to lose this weight again, I'd do it in a heartbeat for this little man.