seventeen

 Oh Bryce,

How can you possibly be 17 already? My little sidekick from day one (until the day I  dropped you off at daycare just before you turned 3 and you didn't think I was coming back). You have always been an old soul in a young body with the biggest heart to match. This year has brought a whole bag of emotions...so much joy and pride at your sophomore wrestling season, after such a tough freshman year. You finished your season at state just like you worked for. While you didn't do as well as you wanted...I can tell you your dad and I couldn't be prouder of the way you wrestled and the way you represented yourself and all of us. Golf season didn't end the way you guys hoped and worked for, but I know it is pushing you to work harder and I know you have your sights set on state this season, and I believe you can achieve that goal. All of your athletic accomplishments of course make me so very proud, but nothing makes me prouder than watching the love and compassion you already had grow this year. You have grown so much as a person, putting me and your dad above yourself and caring for all of those around you even if you are hurting yourself. You lead by example and while you stay focused on your goals you appreciate the journey and those who are helping you get there. Watching you give back to the wrestling program that has given you so much brings me so much joy, and I have no doubt the time you spend with those kids means a whole lot more to them than you realize. I know your wings are ready to fly (somewhere warmer where golf is a year round activity) but gosh I want to pause time and keep you close just a little longer than the year and a half I have left. You can bet I'm going to hug a little longer, ask a few more questions (I'll probably even go over my limit a time or two) and soak up every moment I can. I can't wait to see what comes next for you, keep being you and don't let this harsh world harden your heart, it is one of the very best things about you. Here's to the 2nd to last birthday with no cake! 

Love you forever and ever,

mom

sixteen

 16...just like that. To say 15 wasn't easy would be an understatement. The last year has been filled with lots of challenges and things didn't go at all like the way you wanted them to.  A part of me  wishes so much that I could have protected and saved you from the heartache you felt, but the larger part of me is just so incredibly proud of the way you handled yourself, the maturity you showed and the drive you had to pick yourself back up and continue on.  Life hasn't slowed down much you are still busy with wrestling, golf, and baseball and now I'm sure we'll see even less of you after you get your license today. I love that you spend some of your free time helping out the youth wrestlers in the area, passing on your love of the sport. Watching your relationship with your sister change this last year has brought me immense joy. You two still fight like crazy, but the love and respect you have for each other shines through even in the midst of the bickering. I know without a doubt you will always have each others backs and there isn't much else a mom could ask for.  You are one of the kindest and strongest people I know. You don't always show what a big heart you have, but when you do, the people around you know that you will always have their back. Dad and I are truly so very proud of you. You don't always get it all right, but you are quick to apologize when you get it wrong and you work to be better and do better. My wish for you this next trip around the sun is that you laugh and smile more, worry less, and enjoy the ride. Keep working hard and just being you...you are exactly who this world (and our family) needs.  Drive safely, your mom will never stop worrying about you (or checking your location).

Happy 16th Buddy, we love you more than words can say.

Love always,

Mom

fifteen

 Dear Bryce,

15 today...I have no words. (OK that's a lie, you know I have lots of words, but damn it is hard to put them into something that makes sense, but you know I'm going to try). This past year has not been the easiest, you've battled injuries and setbacks that have taken their toll, but I have watched you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forge ahead more determined than ever to reach your goals. I have never met anyone more determined than you. When you set your mind to something, there is no stopping you. You work hard at absolutely everything you do, and it is so amazing to watch you push yourself to new heights. I can't believe you are in high school, and wrestling your first varsity matches the last couple of days. I know you have been waiting for that day for a long time so it filled me with so much joy to watch you out there doing what you love and leaving no doubt that you belong on that mat. I'm so excited to see what the rest of your freshman year has in store for you, to watch you continue to wrestle, play high school golf and to play baseball again this summer, you have so much to look forward to and so much more fun to be had. Keep your intensity and focus but remember to have some fun along the way.  Dad and I are so proud of you, your work ethic and your heart. Hope 15 is all you wish for, you deserve nothing less. Happy Birthday Bryce, we love you so damn much (even though you make us crazy 90% of the time😜)!

eighteen

 Dear B,

How the hell are we here? When I started these letters on your first birthday eighteen was so far away, I wasn't even sure I would continue to write these...I always have good intentions, but my follow through is always lacking a bit. I truly am at a loss for words. Watching you grow and change over the last 18 years has been one of the biggest honors of my life. I'm so damn proud of you...your determination, your work ethic, your heart...you are really just one of a kind. It is unbelievable to me that you are starting your senior year, looking at colleges and planning for what I know will be an amazing future. It all is just happening a little too fast for me. (I know I still have one more year of you at home but as fast as the last eighteen years have gone, this next is going to go at warp speed) I'm going to miss hearing your voice (even your whining a tiny bit), listening to your ridiculous stories that seemingly have no point, watching you be an absolute dork when you are overtired, hearing your laugh and even seeing you roll your eyes every single day. I still expect our daily wordle and the vast amounts of tiktoks shared, but it definitely won't be the same without us giggling at the fact that every time you send a tiktok dad says "I want that time back!" (the man just doesn't appreciate our humor). I'm so excited to see what happens in this next year...a year that will be filled with so many lasts...but then so many firsts. If you see me tearing up at random times over the next year just know that the tears, while are certainly because of sadness, are mostly due to joy and pride. You have navigated the last 18 years with so much grace, determination and caring and I have no doubt you will do the same in the next 18. I love you so damn much. 

Happy 18th sweet girl, may this be a year filled with happiness and beautiful memories, you deserve nothing less. 

Love always,

mom

fourteen

 Dear Bryce,

I honestly don't know how we got here so quickly. It seems impossible that you are 14 already, I can't even wrap my brain around it. Quite frankly, you've always been an old soul in a little kids body, you (generally) act much older than you are and have been able to have a conversation with literally anyone since the time you were very young, but now you're not such a kid anymore. You have an intensity and drive, when it comes to things you love, that is admirable. You put your whole heart and soul into what you do (minus maybe your school work or household chores😜) and it is so very fun to watch you do the things you love. This week has not been the best for you...being sick the last 7+ days and missing out on wrestling meets has been really hard for you, but I have a feeling it will drive you to make up for lost time and you'll be back to your old self in no time. It blows my mind that you are getting your permit soon...too bad the DMV isn't open on Saturdays, the thought of you driving is equal parts terrifying and exciting, it unlocks a whole new set of worries for me and moves you a step closer to not needing your dad and I as much. We've still got some time before you can drive alone...but it is looming ever closer. From the moment you decided to come 4 weeks early, you have done things in your own time and in your own way. You have to find your own path and figure things out yourself, even if someone can point you in the right direction. I know someday this will be such a benefit to you and that you'll find a balance of taking advice and finding your own way. This year has not been easy, we've butted heads more time than I care to admit, but through it all I love you even more than I did that day you came into my life and I am so damn proud of the man you are becoming. Keep being you, kid...your future is so very bright. I love you more than words. I hope you have the best birthday and year ahead. I can't wait to see what come next.

Love you always, 

Mom

seventeen

 Dear B,

I can't believe we've arrived at this point already, both at your birthday (because wasn't it just your birthday) and the fact that you are 17. I swear you were just 6 and getting ready to start kindergarten and here you are, ready to start your junior year and spending half your day at the community college taking classes. It's so cliché but honestly, where did the time go? While focusing on and enjoying (mostly)the day to day the years just slipped past and you have grown into this beautiful, talented, hardworking, stubborn kind woman. It is hard to imagine this house without you in it every single day (good thing I have another 2 years to adjust) because honestly, 95% of the time I just love being around you, chatting and laughing about nothing, having your dad look at us like we've lost our minds when we're overtired and giggling about the dumbest things. You are absolutely the best parts of me and your dad. I cannot even begin to explain to you how in awe of you I am, by the things you do and the way you carry yourself. You are going to move mountains my sweet girl. Seventeen years ago you changed my life immeasurably and you have continued to change it every day since. You make my world, THIS world better. Keep being unapologetically yourself and sharing your heart with the world, it needs more strong and confident women. I wish I could give you a world that was better and safer...but I am confident you will navigate it with strength and grace, regardless of the situation. To say I am proud of you is such an understatement and I'm excited to see what this next year brings. I love you more than you can possibly imagine. Have the best day my sweet girl.

Love always,

Mom

thirteen...

 My Sweet Bryce,

How in the world are you 13 today? It just doesn't seem possible, I swear it was just yesterday that I was seeing your sweet face for the very first time and holding your tiny little 5lb 7oz body in my arms and wondering how I would ever be able to love you more than I did in that moment. Funny enough, as much as I loved you then (and it was a lot) it is no where near close to as much as I love you now. How do I even put into words this last year? It hasn't always been easy...trying to find a "new normal" amidst all of the craziness of covid and just life in general, but we're trying...day by day and we're getting there. You are not a kid who enjoys idle time. You need to be going, busy and around people. (You definitely didn't get this trait from me...there aren't many people who enjoy NOT being around people as much as I do 😁) Sports still are a major part of your life...we are in the thick of wrestling season, but you're also playing jr. high basketball this year so I'm excited to see how that goes for you. I know it will not ever take the place of wrestling, so I'm just enjoying your little 2 year jaunt into this sport before high school hits and wrestling takes over the winter. Baseball, football and golf are still staples in your day to day, it has been so fun watching you compete for your school teams this year. We have been busy but you know we don't mind. Watching you do things that make you happy makes me happy. Last night as you snuggled up by me to watch a movie it hit me how you aren't a little boy anymore. You are an incredibly handsome, smart, kind, hilarious and sweet young man and I couldn't be more proud of the person you are growing into. Some days I miss that little boy who was my sidekick for the first three years of his life, but the person that little boy has changed into is pretty damn great too. I hope you have the best year yet and I hope you always know I love you with my whole heart. 

Happy 13th Bryce!

Love you always and forever,

Mom.