the unappealing part...

I started reading Jodie's blog right after Abbie started her blog (do you see how I started reading so many blogs...it started out so innocently). Anyway, I really enjoy Jodie's blog not only because she is an extremely talented photographer and I love looking at her pictures, but because I admire her honesty when it comes to her three adorable children (who are by the way all aged 3 and under) and life in general.
The reason I bring this all up (I swear I have a point) is because about a month ago, Jodie wrote this post challenging her readers to photograph and blog about the unappealing parts of their lives. The dirty dishes, the laundry laying around...you know, generally the stuff you prefer no one knows about or sees. This is part of the honesty that I love about a great deal of the blogging community.
Anyway, long story short...I never thought I would have the courage to post the "unappealing parts" of my life. But tonight, here it is. While this is not dishes in the sink, laundry, etc. This is the part of my life I don't generally want people to see. I mean, they probably see it, but looking at these pictures side by side is quite a different story.
Are you confused yet? See the most unappealing part of my life has also brought me some of my proudest personal moments over the last year and a half. Anyone that knows me in real life is probably aware of this struggle I have with my weight, while I generally don't openly talk about it, it is always there, in the back of my mind...the "ugly" part of my life. Unfortunately, it infiltrates too much of my life. In an effort to regain some control of the ugly...here it is.

The first picture (red dress) was taken in October of 2006. The second, in November of 2007. And finally the third (black dress) was taken in March of 2008. Obviously, since the last picture I became pregnant and am having a difficult time watching the scale move upward. I know it is necessary, and I know I will regain some control of my body after this baby comes, but somedays that doesn't make it any easier.

That is it, that is my unappealing part (the first picture) and my slow progression to make it not the most unappealing part of my life...I'm guessing it is not exactly what Jodie was thinking when she wrote that post, but it is how I applied it to my life and myself. I'm hoping by putting this out there I can let go of some of the control it has over me.

(told you the tone of some of the posts were going to change :)

Here is to a new week...full of possibilities!

i have a secret...

OK, I probably have more than one, but here it is...I'm a blog junkie. I read on average 25 blogs a day (that is probably a low estimate :). Most of those are ones I read on a regular basis (ie. every day) but sometimes my regular blog reading takes me to other blogs, that a lot of times take me to new blogs that may or may not add to my regular blog reading. Anyway, I'm straying away from my point here...the point is, I love reading blogs. I love hearing about other people's experiences with their children and their lives, it makes me feel normal. It somehow validates those days where I'm so frustrated that I want to run away. Of course I never will, but it makes me feel like I have company during those days.

Some days its really hard for me to write here, because I feel like no one wants to read about the tough parts of life, they just come for the cute pictures of Brianna and the funny stories. But to me that gets boring, the interesting stuff is the way we handle the tough days, the frustrations along with the triumphs. It makes me appreciate the good days even more.

So, with that, the tone of some of the posts may change. I will still post cute pictures of Brianna and tell funny stories and update with the general stuff that is going on with us, but I'm also going to be posting some of the frustrations, fears, and other stuff (for lack of a better term) that accompanies our day-to-day life.

I hope you keep reading, I hope you comment, I hope you laugh, I hope that if you're frustrated, afraid, or just plain tired, you'll find some solace in the things I'm going to write.

she's a big girl now...

Part of Brianna's birthday present from us (OK...a big part) was a brand new "big-girl" bed. Her crib converted into a daybed, which is what she has been sleeping in for quite some time, but with the baby coming, we needed to reclaim the crib. Anyway, the plan was for us to put together her bed on Friday when we got back from vacation and surprise her with it when we got home from Jake's party on Saturday.

She loved it! Her face was so adorable when she saw it. She laid in it for a long time just smiling. She was excited to sleep in it last night (thats what we were hoping for, maybe bedtime won't be such a big challenge for a while.) Anyway, we are all very excited about her new bed, now if we could just get this potty thing worked out...life would be fantastic!

OK...I'm off to play legos now...I'm posting pictures from vacation, the party and her new bed as we speak, so be patient. But I'll leave you with a couple from her reaction to her new bed.

party at the lake...

We went to Bob and Nancy's yesterday before the birthday party so Bob could regrip some clubs before his upcoming golf/fantasy football trip (is it really time for that again?). So, that is the first time we had seen Brianna in a week...we were greeted at the door by her smiling face and a chorus of "MOMMY! DADDY!" and tons of hugs and kisses.

Then we headed up to the lake and attended Jake's 6th birthday party. It was a great party, they had tons of games for the kids, waterballoon toss, bozo buckets, a pinata, and even a treasure hunt. Brianna had a fabulous time, even though she was extremely tired. Unfortunately it was pretty windy and cool at the lake so she didn't get to go in the water like she wanted, but she did manage to play in the sand for quite some time. :)

Everyone was pretty tired when we got home, but we did manage to play with almost every new toy she got for her birthday before bedtime.

vacation...

So, after Brianna's birthday party at my parents house, Bob, Nancy, Brian, & Mary took Brianna back to Crystal Lake for the week. Bob and I headed to Galena to spend the week relaxing and playing golf (Bob). We rented a little place in Eagle Ridge and had a wonderful time. Bob golfed, I read (4 books...I don't know the last time I did that, or had the chance to do that). We spent one afternoon walking around Galena and visiting the shops. Picking out a couple little things for Brianna.
One of which is this shirt which we found completely adorable and hysterical. (Brianna loved it too). We stayed Sunday through Friday morning and are both a little sad about going back to work tomorrow. I think I could use a week at home catching up on all the stuff that needs to be done around here, as I'm sitting in the living room with the sun streaming in the windows and illuminating the plethora of cobwebs and dust in here. All-in-all it was a great vacation, but we did miss Brianna a lot. Unfortunately, she did get sick while we were away. :( Thankfully, it only lasted 24 hours and she was back to her old self. We are happy to be back home, I missed the craziness and the noise of our little 3 year old tornado.

brianna's birthday...

How is it possible that this little girl is 3? (Although most days she thinks she is 12). We had a great weekend in Iowa. Friday was the Relay for Life, we stayed all night...but I'm not so sure we'll be doing that anymore...it totally messed up her sleeping for the entire weekend.

But it was fun, and always makes me think about how cancer has impacted my life and those of the people around me. On that thought...I don't think I have posted this but my friend from high school's little girl, Claire, had her last round of chemo last week. They did a CT scan a few weeks back and it showed...NO TUMOR! We are so happy and excited for them, we of course will keep them in our prayers so that little Claire stays healthy for a very long time.

Saturday, we had a few people over to break the pinata we got for Brianna, to have a little bit of a celebration on her actual birthday since we were having her party the next day. It was a lot of fun and the kids enjoyed the candy. :)

Sunday was Brianna's actual party and Grandma Nancy, Papa Bob, Brian, and Mary made the trip to IA to help her celebrate. Great-Grandma Kramer and Great-Grandma Felton were also there, and of course Papa Lester, Grandma Susan, Angie, Braden, and Jackson. We had a great time and Brianna was very spoiled.

Brianna headed back to Illinios with Papa Bob and Grandma Nancy, to spend the week with them. Bob and I headed to Galena for the week for a little vacation. We are so far enjoying ourselves, except for the thunderstorms that have been on and off all day. Bob did enjoy his first round of golf this afternoon, in between the storms. I have enjoyed a couple naps and a book and a half already (my idea of a perfect vacation).

Have a great week all!
Birthday pictures are uploading, but there are a few so it may take a while.

three...

Sweet Girl~

I know you didn't really think I'd let today go by without writing you my annual birthday post. (Not that you can read yet...but someday you'll be able to). This year has been so different from the last two, for one I usually have been working on this post for a couple of days before your birthday, instead of writing it on the fly like I'm doing tonight. For another, this is the last birthday where you will be our "only" baby.

I sit here and wonder how the last 3 years have gone so fast...how this stubborn little girl has grown to replace my chubby little baby. When I look at you, I still see that little baby, but that picture is quickly fading in my mind, and is being replaced by the girl you are becoming.

You and I don't always see eye-to-eye. Lots of people say this is because you are just like me...and that is probably true...don't tell anyone, but I know you are just like me, that's what scares me.

There are so many things I want to say to you, so many mistakes I'd love to keep you from making, so much pain I'd love to keep you from experiencing...but those things are all part of life and growing up. Everyday I watch you grow and become more independent, and yes you fall down and get hurt. But I hope that I've given you (and continue to give you) the courage to get up, dust yourself off, and learn from your mistakes. Most of all I hope you have faith in me that I will always be there to hug you, dry your tears, and encourage you to keep trying.

Being your mom has given me such immense joy over the last three years, even on the days where you've pushed me to my limits, because even on your worst days, when I look in your eyes I see my baby.

I hope you had a fun day today sweetheart, I know it was tough with the mixed up schedule, but I still hope it was the best birthday so far. You are so very very loved little girl.

I'm not sure that any of this makes sense (thats why I usually plan this better). But bottom line...you will always be my baby, my little girl, and I love you with all of my heart.

When you make your birthday wish tomorrow, I'll be making a wish too. That you stay little just a little bit longer...I know you want to be "bigger" but stay Mommy's little girl for a little while, OK?

I love you sweet girl.
Happy Birthday!
Love,
Mommy

bix weekend 2008...

This past weekend Bob and I made the trek to Moline to visit Alli & Steve (yes again...and no we never stay home). Alli does the Bix every year and this year due to certain circumstances, she decided to walk the Quick Bix (2 miles instead of 7) so I decided to join her, while her brother, Matt, ran the full Bix. It was so incredible...I could not believe the amount of people there. It was and still is completely indescribable.

If you are at all familiar with Davenport, IA, you know of Brady Street. Its a pretty steep little street. The race starts on Brady Street. It is crazy, curb to curb people, we only walked and were zigging and zagging around people to keep moving, I can't even imagine what it was like for the runners.

Anyway, we had a great time, the winner of the Bix ran it in something like 32 minutes. (I didn't know it was humanly possible to run 7 miles in 32 minutes...I'm pretty sure its not for me! :)

After the race we went back to the Cottrell's and relaxed, while the boys played another round of golf, after the golfers returned we played some Wii and ate and had a blast playing games and drinking (well not me of course).

I'm already looking forward to next year, where I'm planning on running the Quick Bix. I think it'll take me a few years before I'm ready for the full one!

Thanks Alli & Steve...we had a great time (as always).

baby belly...

My wonderful husband got me a new cord to my camera...so yay! I only have this belly picture for you right now. I'm posting the new belly picture and a belly picture when i was the same week into pregnancy (16 weeks)with Brianna. Not that I will compare my children forever...but this is kinda fun. Plus you can see how much 3+ years have changed me!

The one on the left is from when I was pregnant with Brianna (although I'm sure you figured that out) And yes, I'm wearing the same clothes, I wear them on a regular basis, but I did wear them on purpose for this picture. I know, I'm a dork. (and I'm not sure why the other picture is so small...I had to save it from Shutterfly...I'm guessing its not a very high quality picture.) Anyway, enough rambling...I've gotta get busy.

Have a great Friday everyone!

stay tuned...

Hi all~

I know its been a while since I've posted anything, but we've been having some technical difficulties. My camera died a few weeks ago...absolutely will not turn on. Anyway, I got a new camera this week and apparently the transfer cable that came with it is bad. So while I have a few new pictures...I can't transfer them to my computer. So...stay tuned I should have lots of pictures to post soon. Belly pictures...I know you're all anxiously awaiting that, Brianna's 3rd birthday(next Saturday!) and our vacation (coming soon...yippee!).
Keep checking back...I promise we'll be completely up and running soon!
Happy Thursday!

golf

Last post of the night...I promise. This should get me all caught up. Tonight after dinner we went to the driving range to hit some balls. I took my camera (of course) and I'm glad I did...because I never want to forget images like these. Happy (almost) Friday everyone! New pictures are up from the Knosher, Metamor-a-palooza, and our trip to the driving range. Enjoy!

knosher outing 2008

Last Thursday we made our way to Galesburg for the Knosher Outing. Bob really enjoys attending this outing because its played at Soangetaha (their home course during college) and because he gets to play with his old teammates. He played a practice round with some of them on Thursday. While he was doing this I had lunch with some of the Business Office ladies and had a nice chat with them. Then Holly and I went to get pedicures (much better than playing a round of golf if you ask me :))and played some Wii in the hotel...where I bowled a 258 (I was super excited!). We all went out to dinner together that night and out to Seminary Street Pub after that. Friday was the outing and it was so great to see everyone, they are like kids in a candy store when they are together. Even on the rare occasion where they don't play so well, there is lots of laughter on the course. I will direct you to Holly's photos (because they are far superior to mine :)). We really do have great friends!

metamor-a-palooza

This year's canoe trip had a slightly different feel to it...due to the flooding in Iowa, it was just not safe to go canoeing, so Chris and Dawn (and Chris's parents) offered up their house to the crew for the weekend. The Miles clan lives in a georgous house on a lake in Metamora. Everyone (minus those who couldn't make the trip, Jenn, Marty and Jon...they were missed immensely) arrived Friday night, although the Goodness's got in pretty late and most were asleep by then. We (Dawn, Chris, Alli, Steve, Bob, and I) had dinner, played some cards and had a bonfire while waiting for Ben & Amanda to arrive. Saturday morning, the boys headed out golfing, and the girls decided to chat and relax. We talked and caught up inside for a while and then decided it was time to hit the water. We floated in the lake and talked for the better part of 2ish hours, and then ate some lunch. The boys were back by then, but we went back to our floating, the boys did some fishing and played catch in the water. By late afternoon, we were all out of the water, and decided to play some bags and flippy cup. We paired up boy/girl (but not in couples :)). It took us about 20 minutes to decide how to pair up the teams (which was humorous in itself). There was lots of laughter and lots of beer drank (except by me! :)) We even developed a new rule for flippy cup. After that we had some dinner, played some cards, and had another bonfire. All-in-all it was a perfect weekend, even though things didn't go as originally planned. Great food, beautiful location, and most of all great friends. Its always after these things that I realize how lucky I am to have these people in my life, and how much I miss not being around them everyday. Knox is a great place to make friends, but it sure does spoil you with having them around you at all times, so much so that you forget that they won't always be down the hall or in the next room over, sometimes you have to settle for only seeing them a couple times a year. Dawn and Chris are making their way to North Carolina tomorrow (Friday) for the next year. Have a great trip guys and we can't wait to see you again! We love you!!

new pictures...quick post

Morning All! I'm sitting in the hotel in Galesburg downloading pictures from my camera, so I thought I would upload them and write a quick post. We are off to the course in about an hour, and we still have to get all of our stuff packed up. I'll write more about our weekend later...but so far we're having a great time. Galesburg has a boil order in effect, so you can't drink the water anywhere and no fountain pop, so it has been interesting. We ate off paper plates at the restaurant last night. But it has been great to see old friends who we don't get to see nearly enough. Hope you all have a great Friday and I promise I'll be back with more pictures and more stories of the weekend soon.
Happy Friday and have a good weekend!

you are my sunshine

Just wanted to post this video quick. I will be posting more in the next few days, pictures of Jackson's baptism, and of our busy week. We'll be heading to IA tomorrow night and then to Galesburg for the Knosher Outing Thursday and Friday, and then to Metamora for our 3rd annual canoe-a-palooza. Albeit, a slightly different canoe-a-palooza, one without canoeing :). Hope you are all well and I'll be back soon. Please excuse my annoying voice and my terrible singing...I swear it only lasts a couple of words. :) And the quality is not spectacular but its from my phone...so you can't expect a whole lot :)

quick update

Hello All!

Just thought I'd write a quick post tonight, because its been a while. Sorry about that, but I've been extremely tired and really nauseous. If its possible (and I didn't think it was) I'm even sicker with this baby then I was with Brianna. Maybe that means it will stop before I deliver this one (unlike with Brianna) But overall I can't complain...I'm excited that so far this pregnancy has been uneventful and will hopefully stay that way. I have another doctors appointment a week from Thursday, so hopefully all continues to go well.

We've enjoyed our long weekend...but wow did it go fast. Friday night we headed to Rockford to see Minus Six, and it was a great show...as usual! We ended up staying at Bob and Nancy's because Bob was going to play golf with his dad early the next morning. So Brianna and I hung out with Nancy while Bob and Bob played golf. Then we met up with Ben & Amanda at the Rainforest Cafe for dinner. Brianna loved it there...although the lions roaring scared her a bit. Sunday we had a pretty relaxing day at home, played some Candyland (which Brianna LOVES). And today we spent more time at home watching movies, playing outside, and Bob and Nancy came over for dinner and brought Brianna her new tricycle. She had a blast riding it until dark. That pretty much sums up our weekend. We had a great time together, but as always it went way too fast. I've uploaded some new pictures (I know its been awhile). I'll try to post again soon!

Hope you all had a great weekend! And Happy Tuesday to you all!

(this is pretty much how I feel about the weekend being over too! :o)

Hi Jeff! :o)

One last thing...I found out this week that a high school friend's 7 month old daughter has cancer. She started chemo on Saturday. Please keep her in your prayers (if you pray or in your thoughts or whatever you do for this sort of thing) I'm sure they would appreciate any extra prayers they can get. Thanks!

changes...

Just a few changes to our little home on the internet to reflect the changes going on in our ever-growing family. Yup...you got it, there is going to be another little Carroll. We just got done sharing the news with our families so now we're sharing it with you! We've got a few months to go (December 31st is the due date)...but so far so good. :)

Hope all you moms had a great Mother's Day. Lots of love to all of you, I'm off to bed, its been a busy weekend.

five...

3:00am...Mom comes into the bedroom where Angie and I were sleeping (well Angie was sleeping...I was laying in the dark, mind racing) and says "It's time to get up...." I hop out of bed with a big smile on my face saying "I'm getting married today!!!" Angie buries her head under the pillow and says something to the effect of "are you serious, it is 3am"

The next few hours are a whirlwind of hair, makeup, putting on my dress. At 9am we arrive at church for pictures. I see Bob and smile, thinking to my self...what a lucky girl I am that he picked me. I can tell he is nervous, pacing back and forth...but not me, I've never been so calm in all my life. Decisions have never come easy to me, but this is one that I never thought twice about (even 2 days before the wedding when we had a big fight about the seating chart ;o)

As the doors open, my dad and I arm and arm ready to walk down the isle, I looked at the little church...the church where I was baptized, had my first communion, and was confirmed, the church that holds so many memories of my life, filled with our friends and family, those who love us and have supported us and I smiled, and then I looked down the aisle to my future husband, and my heart skipped a beat. That is one of the moments of my life that I want to freeze, to be able to feel that moment forever. To feel the love in that little church, it’s the kind of memory that on the darkest days makes me smile.

The rest of the day was just as perfect. Oh I'm sure something went wrong...but I don't know what. All I remember is the dancing, laughing, and being surrounded by the people we love most in this world.

Now, if you had asked me then if I thought I could love Bob more than I did at that moment, I probably would have said no. But 5 years later, I can tell you that I love him so much more than I did that day. Everyday I think there is no way I can possibly love him more, and then he does something...something small that it probably seems like I take for granted, and something that even he doesn't think means very much, and its those things that make me fall into bed each night knowing that I love him more than I did yesterday.

I don't know what I ever did to deserve someone like him, most days I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to deserve him, but I am lucky enough to have him and I'm not letting him go.

Bob and I are very different, some days I think we're too different, we bicker about dumb stuff like any couple does, but in the end our differences make us stronger. I'd like to think I've helped him become a little more flexible and spontaneous, and I know he's made me a better planner. He's helped me more than he even realizes find the confidence in myself that I've been missing for a long time. He's always my biggest cheerleader, even when I feel like I've failed. My life without him would be empty.

No words have meant as much to me as those I said 5 years ago today as I stood there in that little church filled with our family and friends and said "I, Amber, take you, Bob, to be my husband...."

Happy Anniversary Baby!
I love you!

new pictures

New pictures posted...enjoy :)

Knox

(Edited to Add: I wrote this post about 6 months ago, not sure why I revisited it today, maybe because its Flunk Day, and the memories are rushing back, or maybe I'm just extra sappy today...who knows...anyway, I'm finally posting it. Love you girls!)

I'm sure you're all anxiously awaiting my post about homecoming (I see your eyes rolling over there). Anyway, I'm not going to write so much about homecoming as I am about Knox in general and my experience there. I apologize in advance if i sound like a summary of the admissions material, but I swear no one paid me to say this (although...really they should) :o) As we were driving back Sunday after the homecoming festivities, I realized how lucky I am that I attended Knox. And not just for the obvious reason of meeting Bob. Obviously that is a huge part of why Knox has a special place in my heart. I still in my heart think that Bob and I would have met somewhere along life's journey...but who knows if we would have ended up where we are today. I gained so much from my 4 years at Knox...a quality education and an abundance of debt...to name a couple. But more than that, I gained another family. I have five amazing women in my life that I am privileged to call my friends. Five strong, kind, compassionate women, who are so different and yet all of our differences seem so small when we're together. We've had and still have so much fun together. We've seen each other through ups and downs over the last 9 years, we've cried together, laughed together (a lot), yes...even fought with each other. But somehow we always come back together. I don't really have any college memories that don't include at least one of these women...and most of them include all of them. The are the first ones I called (after immediate family) when Bob and I got engaged, they were some of the first people to know when I was pregnant and they were some of the first people I called after Brianna arrived (even though most of them didn't believe me that she was actually here). These women are my family, and in turn their husbands and boyfriends have also become my family. I look forward to get togethers with them from the moment they are planned. They are one of the most important things I take away from my time at Knox. I value the education I received at Knox...but the friendships I took away from my four years at Knox will last long after my diploma is covered with dust and my debt is all paid off. They have made my life better by being in it. I love you girls! Thank you for your friendship....life is so much more colorful with you in it!