sadness...

Photo was taken as she attended the Senior Prom just 7 days before she passed.

Thanks DeeDee for sharing this beautiful picture of a most beautiful lady.

Heaven gained an amazing angel this week. Grandma Caruso passed away at the young age of 96. She is one of the sweetest and kind women that I know and will be dearly missed by our entire family. I will always remember her smile and laughter and the little spark she had in her eyes when someone (usually one of her kids) told her she shouldn't do something. I always saw this flash in her eyes that said "I'm a grown woman I'll do what I want!" There are so many things that I will remember about her and things that will remind me of her, tennis balls on a walker, Fannie May candy (she did love her candy), the story she loved to tell about how Bob and Brian got their golfing abilities not only from their dad but from her husband, and mostly how she always called Brianna and Bryce "precious" (I'm sure she called all of her great-grandchildren that, but I remember her saying it about our kids). I think everytime I hear that word I will hear it in her voice as she looked down at Brianna and hugged and kissed her.
You will be missed Grandma, but we know you are happy where you are and finally reunited with the love of your life. Thank you for being one of the most precious parts of our lives.

6 month and weekend update...

Before we headed to Iowa for the weekend, Bryce had his 6 month checkup on Friday. He is weighing in at 16lbs 4.5oz and is 26 inches long. He is doing well eating solids and we'll be moving on to stage 2 food as soon as the stage 1 we already have is gone. The boy loves his solid food, he pretty much doesn't even care about his bottle anymore. He is rolling over all the time and is pretty much sitting up unassisted at this point. He still falls over, so even as I type this he is sitting on the floor surrounded by pillows. He is babbling constantly and we are starting to see his little personality come out more and more each day. I still cannot believe he is 6 months old already, it has gone by so fast.

My favorite part of being home with the kids is watching them interact with each other. Brianna loves Bryce so much and he just lights up when she is around. She sings to him and reads to him all the time. I know as they get older they will fight and not like each other, but I sincerely hope that they will always remain friends. My sister and I fought (a lot) when we were kids, we were less than 1 year apart and we definitely got on each other's nerves, but now I can't imagine my life without her. We email each other throughout the day and we look forward to spending time together, although too many days together and we still know how to push each other's buttons. Guess some things never change! :)

As I said we spent the weekend in Iowa and attended the wedding of my cousin, Craig. It was a great time, the wedding and reception were absolutely beautiful and it was great to spend time with the family. Braden & Brianna were so excited to dance together and it was pretty darn cute to watch them. Congrats again to Craig & Rachel we wish you a lifetime of happiness!

I have one more post to get up and then I probably won't post for another week or so, I'm off this weekend to Angie & Nick's to help paint and when I get back from there we'll be heading to Iowa to drop the kids off and then take off for Galesburg for the Knosher Outing and then back to Iowa for Father's day. It is going to be a busy couple of weeks! I've uploaded new pictures to the shutterfly site so check them out. Mostly from Memorial Day and Brianna playing at the parks and a couple from the wedding, before my camera battery died. Here are a couple that I love :)

Happy Monday everyone!

houston we have a problem...

Meet our friend the swaddling blanket. Well, it used to be our friend. When Bryce first came home from the hospital he didn't sleep well. Not counting the fact that he had to be fed every 3 hours because of his weight and his jaundice, the only way he would sleep is if he was laying on someone (me specifically) or in his swing, occasionally he would sleep in his bouncy seat, but he never wanted to just lay down and sleep. When he was 8 weeks old we bought 2 of these, one of them is this exact one in fact. The first time we wrapped him in this and put him down he slept through the night...at 8 weeks. I was sure that it was a fluke, but we continued to put him in it and he continued to sleep through the night. Everything was going along just fine until a few nights ago. See this blanket has become too small for him. The "weight limit" is 14-15lbs, which by now Bryce is probably over, and his legs are starting to get scrunched in the bottom. And the biggest thing is that he can get himself out of it in about 5 seconds now. They have larger ones, but I am hesitant to buy them, because realistically we can't keep him in one forever. Last night he woke up 5+ times. Not the kind of wake up but he just needs his pacifier and he's back to sleep....oh no, he is wide awake at 3am! What the heck is going on here? Bob ended up feeding him a bottle at 3 because I couldn't function anymore. The kid hasn't had a bottle in the middle of the night for 4 months! I do realize we are extremely lucky to have as many sleep filled nights as we have, but that doesn't really take away from the fact that I am really tired this morning.
Goodbye swaddling blanket, we have loved you, but now if you could just leave quietly and not wake the baby no one will get hurt! (told you I was tired :)

outside...

So, we've been spending a lot of time outside these days, either in the yard, at the park or just taking walks around the neighborhood. (Hence, the lack of posts lately) The kids love being outside and it fills our day so much more productively than sitting in the house watching TV. I'm uploading a bunch of pictures to the shutterfly account, but here are a few of my favorites from the last few days.

Hope you are all enjoying the beautiful weather we are having as much as we are!

graduation and birthday parties...

Last Saturday we headed downtown to attend Mary's law school graduation from Loyola. It was a beautiful mass and a wonderful ceremony. The kids did really well during the whole thing, mostly because they were so excited to see Brian and Mary I think! :) (side note...Lovie Smith was also at the graduation, apparently his son's girlfriend was graduating. He sat a couple of rows behind us!) Congrats Mary, we are so very, very proud of you!

Sunday we had two birthday parties to attend. The first was Brianna's little friend from daycare. Brianna was sooo excited to see her friends and as icing on the cake the party was at the Painted Penguin so she got to paint as well. Pretty sure that was one of the best days ever for her. After that party we headed off to our friend Josh's surprise 30th birthday party. It was a good time and it is always fun to see Bob's golfing buddies. By the end of the day we were all exhausted and all piled into our bed to watch a movie. I think everyone was sleeping by 8:30 (except me of course). All-in-all it was a fun filled weekend.

See, even when we're home on the weekends we're not really ever home! :)

mother's day...

We had a pretty low key Mother's Day. We spent the weekend in Wisconsin at Ben & Amanda's house. The boys golfed and the girls shopped and got pedicures and we played some Guitar Hero World Tour. It was fun to spend the weekend with them it has been a while since we've seen them. On Mother's Day we went to Bob and Nancy's and had breakfast with the family. Bob and Brian had to take off for Indiana for a qualifier Brian had the next day, so we stuck around to chat with Nancy for a while and Brianna ran around outside. We headed home and spent the afternoon napping, playing and just relaxing. It was a great Mother's Day all-in-all. My kiddos and hubby are the best...what more could a girl ask for!

6 years in the books...

Yes I am quite aware that this post is significantly late, however...better late than never! So on Sunday May 3 Bob and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. It is shocking to me that it has been six years. So much has happened in that time, loss of grandparents, births of children, weddings of friends and family, the buying of our first home and more laughter and memories than I have the time or space to share. I don't know that on our wedding day, these two kids (and yes, we are kids...holy cow we look young!) could possibly realize what their life would be this six short years later.

(I do realize this is a hideous picture, but it was actually taken on 5/3/09 so I wanted to use it :)Bob and I had a great anniversary we slept late (for us) and went to brunch and then played 9 holes of golf, it was nice to walk around the course talk and just be us for a little while. Life is crazy and hectic, but there is no one I'd rather be in this crazy, hectic life with. I love you, Bob! Here is to 100 more years of (mostly) wedded bliss :).

my favorite things...

As I've said before I'm not an optimistic person. I would call myself a realist, I prepare for the bad, so I'm not disappointed when something doesn't go the way I want and am pleasantly surprised when things do. In an effort to appreciate all the small things in my life, here is a list of the things I love about the ages my kids are.

Brianna age 3 (almost 4)
The crazy outfits she puts together.
The way she complains the whole time I brush/braid/whatever her hair, but then looks in the mirror admiring her hair after I'm done.
The way she says "don't be upset Bryce, big sister is here"
The way she runs to the door screaming "daddy!" when she hears the garage door open.
The way she wakes up in the morning and smiles at me and asks "did you have a good sleep, mommy?"
The other million little things that make her my sweet, funny, aggrivating little girl.

Bryce age (almost) 6 months
The way he smiles when I get him out of his crib in the morning.
The way he stretches after I undo his swaddling blanket and the look on his face that says "I'm free"
When he is really tired I can pick him up and hold him close to me and he immediately falls asleep.
The way he laughs when I change his dirty diapers.
The way he smiles and gets everyone to fall in love with him within moments of meeting him.
The other million little things that make him my adorable, flirty little man.

monday musing...

So, question for you. Today the kids and I walked to Wal-Mart (it is a few blocks from our house...long enough that it sort of tires Brianna out, but short enough that she can walk the whole thing) anyway, there is a redbox there where we rent movies almost every Monday (they have free movie Monday's with a code that is texted to your phone or you can go here and get the code). After we got our movies we walked around Wal-Mart for a bit looked at toys and got Brianna a new thermos because her lid was broken. As we were standing in the checkout line she started whining and wanted to be held. I picked her up for a moment to talk to her and then set her back down. She started whining again and the guy (or maybe he was a boy...he looked very young) in front of us eyed me and then Brianna and then me again and then he looked at her and said "are you OK?" I was a bit taken aback by his question to her. she wasn't screaming bloody murder, I didn't hit her or anything of the sort, I picked her up and talked to her and then put her back down. She is (almost) 4 and she sometimes doesn't behave perfectly. He kept looking at me the entire time until he was checked out and gone. Now, maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I don't believe there was anything going on that warranted him asking HER if she was OK. I know that people's actions can be misinterpreted, but the whole thing is very odd to me. I'm pretty sensitive about the judgement (as I perceive it) other people pass on me as a parent. After the guy asked Brianna that I said "she is fine". What would you have done? Do you think that is super strange or that I'm overreacting? (I realize that is hard to answer since you weren't there...but I swear to you it happened just like that) :)

I will be back soon with an update of our weekend, because I'm sure you are all wondering how we spent our 6th anniversary! :)

29...

Yes, I know I already turned 29, but today this guy joins the club. I could not ask for a better person in my life. He is a wonderful dad and a fantastic husband.
Happy Birthday, Bob!!
We Love you!

b book...

Brianna reading to Bryce. :)

friends and fun and crafts...oh my...

I think the titles of my posts get more lame every time. Anyway, I have a bunch of stuff to share since I last posted, so lets get to it.

Last weekend we headed to WI to visit with some friends. Abbie and Chris graciously invited us to their house along with the Isaacsons. We headed to their house late Friday morning and arrived to beautiful weather. The kids ran around outside and played and the adults caught up on what was going on in each of our lives. The boys got to play some golf on Saturday, while the girls did some crafts and ran around outside some more, the weather was PERFECT, and when they got back from golfing we took the kids to the park. Saturday night after the kids were in bed (and all were sleeping except Brianna...big surprise on that one) we started playing Guitar Hero World Tour. My wonderful husband got this for me for my birthday, and it is seriously hours of entertainment, especially when there is alcohol involved. There was tons of laughter and I don't think I will ever forget the singing, dancing around, banging on the drums, and some choice quotes that were said that night, which will not be posted here because well...this is a family blog. Abbie and Chris were such wonderful hosts and it was so good to finally meet little Samantha. Brianna had so much fun playing with Andrew and Holly's two little girls Ella and Lily and Bryce ate up all the attention that was given to him. I know I enjoyed chatting and catching up with Abbie, Holly, Andrew and Chris and Bob most definitely had fun playing golf with Andrew and Chris. I was having so much fun I didn't even take out my camera the whole weekend. Abbie has some over on her blog and Holly said she'd be posting some soon (no pressure...I know you're busy :). We are so very blessed to have such wonderful friends. Thank you again Abbie and Chris for letting us invade your house.

This week has been pretty low-key...but today we did a craft that Holly told me about. Brianna had so much fun making these (anything that lets her use glue and stickers will make her happy). I made Bryce's (obviously) because even though he's not big enough to do this stuff himself, I love having both of their crafts hanging on the wall or whereever they may end up (Brianna is pushing for daddy to take them to work...so we'll see). I absolutely love crafts that incorporate hand and/or foot prints. They are my favorites because beyond the decorating and the little touches Brianna puts on her projects, there is something so personal about them being made from their hand/footprints. It is a part of them, the part that reminds me to cherish these moments because they won't be this small for very long.

Enough with the rambling...here is a picture of the butterflies.

Have a great weekend everyone...hopefully I'll be back before long.

going purple...

All the small things is going purple. This is the first chance I've had to make the change. We are going purple to honor Ian and Maddie and all the premies who have lost their battle, and in honor of McKenna and all the ones who fought and are still fighting to stay healthy. The March of Dimes is a wonderful organization, one that I whole-heartedly support and am happy to send my money to each year. The March of Dimes deserves your support because they help these babies have a fighting chance at a healthy life, and I think we all agree that every baby deserves that. So, go here or here and give what you can...do what you can to give these babies the best start in life.

easter...

I hope you all had a great Easter. We had a very good, but busy weekend. We were in Iowa from Friday night until Monday morning. We had a great time with family, although there was a definite lack of sleep on the part of the kids and myself :) I think that I don't want to spend my time with my family sleeping because it seems like we don't get to see everyone much so I tend to not sleep much at all while at my parents. But we had a great time and it went too fast as always. We had Jackson's birthday party Saturday and Sunday consisted of candy, Easter egg hunts, naps and spending time with family. A perfect day in my opinion. Yesterday we left mom and dad's about 10 (and only forgot a few things) and headed to Galesburg to stop by the business office. We stopped and had lunch with Steve and Alli (and then Alli & Gavin accompanied us to Galesburg as well). We got home about 7:30 last night and are trying to recover today. We take off again Friday for WI to visit some friends so in the 2 remaining days this week I need to get laundry done and the house cleaned up. We'll see how that goes. :) We are looking forward to seeing some friends we haven't seen in far too long, so we are all excited about the coming weekend. Hope you all had a very Happy Easter filled with family and friends.

I'm uploading a bunch of pictures from the weekend to shutterfly, so feel free to take a look.

I'll leave you with a couple here. Have a great week everyone!

crazy day...

I'm tired already. :) I've been up since 5am. I do not get up at 5am EVER. I woke up and all the little things I needed to do today started running through my head...the things I needed to remember to pack, the kid's Easter basket stuff, pictures, camera (you get the picture). So of course I could not go back to sleep. So I actually got up and decided to be productive. I think everything is ready to go except that I still have to pack clothes for the kids and myself (which you would think would be the biggest concern...but...no). The house is picked up and the dishes are done. We've got about 6 more hours before we have to be out the door, and in that time I have to pack clothes, shower, get dressed, get the kids dressed, feed everyone, pack the car and get out the door so we get to Bryce's 4 month checkup ontime so we can then leave for Iowa. Whew...and did I mention that I've been up since 5 and am running on no caffine? Since I gave up pop for lent and don't drink coffee I'm kind of SOL today. :) I realize today that I am insane, what woman in her right mind gives up pop/caffine with 2 small kids at home? Anyway, Mr. Bryce just woke up (yes, he has been sleeping since last night...this is why I don't get up at 5am EVER) and is probably starving...so I'm off to get moving on this day...again. I leave you with a couple new pics of the kids. Happy Easter everyone!

there are no adequate words...

I've mentioned before how I tend to blog hop starting out reading this one, and then ending up somewhere many clicks away from where I started. Well about a year or so ago, I blog hopped my way over to The Spohrs are Multiplying. I read whatever post happened to be up that day, which was (I'm sure) funny and had some adorable pictures of Maddie. So, I added it to my Google reader. I went back through their archives and found out more about Maddie and was drawn in by her story. Maddie was a preemie, born 11 weeks early. As any of you who have been here before know, my cousins, Dale and Suzanne, have had 2 preemie babies both born 25 weeks gestation. I was hooked, and have been reading their blog ever since.

When I opened my Google reader yesterday, I saw a post that little Maddie had passed away on April 7, and I cried. I cried for a little girl I have never met and for her parents, family, and friends. There have been hundreds of posts written about Maddie in the last 2 days and as of now over $18,000 has been donated to the March of Dimes in her name. She has touched so many in her too short 17 months on this earth.

My thoughts and prayers are with her family. Thank you for sharing your beautiful angel with all of us.

following her lead...

In honor of Jodie's air it out post I've decided to give it a shot myself...


1. Our kids have no bedtime routine, it is not unusual for Brianna to be awake at 10pm (or later) this is our fault, but I do not have the patience to try to instill a bedtime routine.

2. I try to give the kids a bath every other day, but that doesn't always happen (read...almost never) Heck we are stuck inside all day, every day...how dirty can they be?

3. The thought of packing up 2 kids in carseats to drive down the block to the store (when it is too cold to walk) makes me want to cry, so we don't go anywhere.

4. I often threaten that we will not go somewhere because of bad behavior, but don't often follow through because it is usually more punishment for everyone else than it is for her.

5. I have showered 1 time since last Friday, it was also the only time I've left the house since then.

6. I can't remember the last time I dusted. Our living room furniture is supposed to be a dark wood, instead it looks gray.


7. I have stood in the shower until the hot water runs out because it is the only place I occasionally have some privacy.


8. Our 3 year old has a TV in her room, and it is on every night when she goes to bed.


9. I didn't feel guilty having Brianna in daycare. I realize now how many less dirty diapers I had to change while she was there. (plus she loved it)


10. I've taken a shower and put on the same (dirty) clothes I've worn and slept in for days on end...more than I care to admit.


There are a million more, but I'm not brave enough to share all of them :)


I'm embarrassed about these things because of the way I think people will react to them not because I'm truly embarrassed about them (well maybe the shower thing :)).
I just watched the Oprah show from yesterday and it is funny how I related to the mom's on there who said a million things I've been thinking, so I wonder why I still feel so ashamed of all the things I feel and why I wrote and edited this post about 15 times before I even felt slightly comfortable posting this.

twenty-nine...

In just a few hours I will technically turn 29 (7:12am). I will hopefully be in a blissful sleep at that time. In all honesty, most days I can't remember what age I am (it is a good thing I was born in 1980 so I can usually figure it out pretty quickly...as long as I remember what year it is :)) Some days I feel 80, and other I feel like I'm just a kid playing house. I look and my life and wonder where the time has gone. How is is possible that I have an almost 4 year old, and that my little man turned 4 months old today? My life has turned into a cliche...the days go slowly but the years go by so fast.
As I sit here thinking about the turns my life has taken in these last years, I find that while there are some aspects of my life that I thought would be different (job/career), there are other things...the important things...that are exactly(or better) than I always imagined they would be. I have a wonderful, loving husband, 2 great kids, and incredible family and friends. So, my gift to myself this year is to live in the now, to be grateful for what I have in this moment, and to not dwell on the things I don't "have". I tend to get so wrapped up "what-if's" and "if only's" and always wishing there was more...more time, more money, more space, that I don't realize that in reality I have all I ever need.
So, I am embracing 29 and all it's possibilities. Here is to the peace in knowing that I'm exactly where I want (and am supposed) to be.

whirlwind weekend...

Wait...what day is it again? Wow, we put a few miles on the car this weekend, but we ended up getting to every place we needed/wanted to be. Friday we packed up and headed to Iowa, we stopped by my aunt and uncle's house on the way through Cascade, so we got to see a few family members. We finally rolled into mom and dad's house around 11/11:30, and of course the kids were wide awake. I think everyone finally settled down around midnight or so. The alarm went off at 5am, which is just inhumane if you ask me. Bob and I got ready and put some stuff together for mom to take the kids and headed off to Galesburg for Coach Heimann's memorial service. It was a wonderful tribute to his life and the way he lived, coached, and taught. We were very glad we went. After the memorial service we grabbed some lunch and headed to Cedar Rapids to attend the wedding of one of my high school classmates. We had a fantastic time at the wedding and we finally went to bed about 20 hours after our day had started. Of course while the wedding was happening, there also happened to be a blizzard going on outside. We stayed with some friends in Cedar Rapids and drove back to mom and dad's around 6 Sunday morning in about 10 inches of snow. We spent some time with mom and dad and then headed for home around 8 Sunday night, getting us home around 11/11:30, with...you guessed it, two kids that didn't want to sleep. Finally everyone got to bed and then we had to be up this morning to go to a funeral. Nancy's cousin passed away and we didn't make it back in time to go to the wake last night (obviously) so we went to the funeral today. We left home around 10am and got home about 5pm. So, to sum it up...lots of time in the car, not much sleep, lots of time with family and friends...it is amazing how quickly your emotions can change when you have a sad event, a joyous one, and another sad one. But in attending both the memorial service and the funeral, I think it makes me appreciate the people around me even more and for that I am grateful. Much love to you all.

jackson is one...

This little guy turns one today. It is hard to believe that he is one already. I can't wait to see him in a couple of weeks. Happy Birthday Jackson! We love you!

chick craft link...

I found it back!! To anyone interested...here is the link to the chicks we made the other day.
Duck Paper Plate Craft

finger painting...

I know, I know...3 posts in one day. But just wanted to share our craft project from today. (These are probably getting old, I promise not to post every single one). This project came from Sarah (Miss Claire's mommy) she said the Child Life group at the hospital did this with the kids during the winter and the kids loved it. It was pretty simple to do, only a few things needed.

Shaving cream, glue, and food coloring (optional...Sarah said when they did this at the hospital they left it white). I'm not sure of the exact ratio of shaving cream to glue. In all honesty I put some shaving cream into the container and then added a bunch of glue, there was no measuring on my part during this process.
I split ours into 4 different containers and had this:
I then let Brianna loose to paint on paper plates. Obviously you can use paper, but we always have an abundance of paper plates around here and always end up short on paper thanks to my little artist.














After all was said and done it was a little messy, but easy to clean up and Brianna had a blast, although she was less than thrilled with how dirty her hands were.

We had a great time and finger painting is good for those of us a little over the age of 3 as well :) Thanks again Sarah for sharing the great idea!!

state of our house...monday edition...

So, in the 5-6 hours the kids have been up, our living room has gone from picked up to this... It sure is Monday around here, we're all still in our pjs, the house looks like the above picture, the tv has been on far too long, Bryce just wants to be held, I haven't showered, we are just eating lunch...leftovers and oranges, yum yum. But, it has still been a good day so far because even in the middle of this mess there was still enough room for an impromptu ballet recital and plenty of smiles from the little man.














Oh Monday...what are we going to do with you?

sunday flowers...

Yes, I know it is Monday, but I didn't get a chance to post this yesterday. Brianna and I made another bouquet of flowers Saturday. I think these turned out much better, and all of the colors bring a smile to my face on this gloomy Monday. Have a great week everyone!

friday craft...

Yesterday Brianna and I made chicks. I found the idea on the internet (but I'm too lazy to look it up and link it right now), pretty easy, and we had all the supplies, paper plate, construction paper, yellow paint, googly eyes. You put the pieces together with a stapler, but maybe glue would work better and not be so obvious. Oh well it worked out. I made one for Bryce with his handprints as the tailfeathers (hence the reason we have two). Brianna is loving all of our craft time and LOVES to paint, it is fun letting her do these things without getting crazy about how messy she is being. This afternoon/evening we may be making some more egg carton flowers, she had a blast doing those. I also saw a craft for making flowers out of kid's handprints (I tried one with Bryce's handprint, but it may be too small to get the desired effect and I was rushing) so I'm sure we'll be trying that in the near future. And my friend Sarah just emailed me a few craft ideas that I'm anxious to try, especially painting with shaving cream and glue! Maybe that is a project for this week. If we get to it, I'll be sure to post pictures. Thanks Sarah and Holly for all of the ideas you've sent me, Brianna and I are really enjoying our time together while we do these things. Without further ado...our chicks from yesterday...

busy week...

We've had quite the week around here. First of all the weather has been georgous (well Monday and Tuesday at least). We spent tons of time outside those two days, it did us all some good. Monday we walked to the bank and Walmart and then I decided I needed a haircut so we walked across the street and saw Gina and got my haircut. By the time we walked home it was lunchtime so we ate and then headed back outside to play. We colored with chalk, Brianna rode her bike and ran around until Bob got home. It was fantastic. We saw some neighbors that were surprised to see that our family had grown. :)

Tuesday we played outside again, it was slightly windy so we didn't spend as much time outside (Bryce was not a big fan of the wind), but we painted in the driveway and did some bike riding. Tuesday night we had some company. My cousin Tina and her husband Randy were in town on some business so they came over for dinner (corned beef and green beer :)). It was so nice to see them. Yesterday Tina accompanied us to the mall where we walked around Brianna played for a little bit in the play area, then we met up with Randy for lunch, and they headed home and so did we. Brianna actually fell asleep on the way home from lunch and slept for a little bit after we got home, giving me a chance to do some work.
Today, Brianna and I made egg carton flowers and cookies. Last night we (Bob & I) went grocery shopping and he saw these cookies at Sam's (basically chocolate chip cookies that were sandwhiched together with frosting and rolled in sprinkles). So today, being the good wife that I am I made them :) I haven't baked in a while, and I actually love to be in the kitchen, so it was fun.
All-in-all, it has been a great week, it is amazing what some time outside and some sunshine can do to brighten my mood! Hope you are all having a great week. I'm looking forward to a weekend at home spending time with the family, no plans (for once :)) Hope you all enjoy your weekend. I've posted new pictures over at shutterfly, so feel free to check them out!
And just so you can see the little man...

Happy Birthday tomorrow to our little friend Samantha! 1 already...how crazy. We can't wait to see you in a few weeks.

sadness...

Today the Knox community lost one of it's most beloved. Coach Tim Heimann passed away this morning. As most of you know, Knox is near and dear to my heart and while I never had a personal relationship with Coach Heimann, I am filled with a tremendous sadness. I had him for a professor for one trimester and knew him through Bob and other close friends that he coached. One of his sons graduated in 2002 with us and I've never heard anyone say anything but good things about Coach Heimann. He is indeed a very special man. Knox will not be the same without him. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family at this most difficult time, he will truly be missed.

(The photo above was taken the night he coached his last game for the Prairie Fire, only a year ago. The world is losing too many good people to cancer, so if you can...I urge you to please go donate.)

book contest...

You know how much I love books and I especially love children's books. That said, the sweet ladies over at On My Bookshelf are giving away Llama Llama Misses Mama. So go on over there and enter, tell them I sent you (just kidding)!

thursday has started with a bang...

Yikes, today has not started well. First of all, it started too early. I know I shouldn't complain and most of you will hate me for this, but my kids sleep until at least 8am every morning, sometimes as late as 9. And yes, I have become accustom to this. I don't go to sleep until very late, so I enjoy the fact that my kids sleep late. Even when I was working outside of the home I didn't have to be at work until 9, so I very rarely got up before 7:30am. I'm generally not a morning person, I can get up and be productive, just do not talk to me, and I especially don't like being waken from a sound sleep by someone crying for no reason. At about 7:15 this morning Brianna comes in screaming and crying about how she wants to go downstairs and watch TV. Oh, hell no. Of course the dreaded snowball effect and Bryce wakes up. So, before we're usually up on most days, Bryce has been changed and fed, we've had breakfast and are quietly playing now. I have, have, HAVE to get some work done today. So I'm trying to shake off my bad mood and turn it into being productive. Plus I had an epiphany on how to arrange/organize our dvd collection and keep it organized, so that is exciting me to no end right now. So, there is our plan for the day, play, arrange/organize dvds, work, and hit the gym tonight in time to watch Grey's and Private Practice. Is it sad that I have to go to the gym to watch two of my favorite shows uninterrupted? The upside is that I work out for 2 hours while watching!
Happy Thursday everyone!

partially to blame for my funk...

OK, last post of the night, I swear.

I just wanted to expand on my other post a little on me being in a funk. I know all of the things I've listed in the previous post are contributing factors to my funk. However, one thing that always contributes to my funk...is my weight/body image. This weight from being pregnant is HORRIBLE. I'm frustrated and angry that it will not come off. I realize it has only been 3 months, but I am an expert on weight hanging around, and the longer it hangs around the harder it is to get rid of. It is amazing how much my body has changed (and not in a good way). I read a blog the other day that this mommy blogger posted a picture of her stomach. Uh, never in a million years would I do that. I admire her for having the strength and courage to do it, but not me. All of the weight from Bryce is in my stomach, which makes me 3 months after delivery look like I'm still pregnant. Frustrating.

I've made the conscious decision to not let this consume me. I have to be OK with my body as it is right now. It may never change. I have to be OK with that. I will never be completely satisfied with my body (who really is?). That is not to say that I will not continue to work out. I am still working out and trying to eat better, because I want to be healthy for myself and my family. But I refuse to let this define who I am any longer. I am more than the number on the scale and it is about time I start realizing that.
(But I will still never post a picture of my stomach on the internet! :))

my craft closet beginnings...

How coincidental that today I received a coupon in my inbox for Oriental Trading Company. I just placed my order for some googly eyes, pipe cleaners, paint, jewels, geometric foam shapes, monster foam shapes, etc. I always look at Oriental Trading Company and like some of their kits (especially for kids Brianna's age), BUT...I really don't need 12 of the same thing floating around here. Some of the stuff I got on sale, others I think are just a good deal (I hope so anyway). As long as I can keep it under control/organized I think it will be great. One of their craft kits I think I'm going to copy for Easter, so we'll see how that works...I'm sure there will be pictures. And speaking of pictures I really need to try to take more pictures of the kids. (If only there were like 5 more hours in the day, or I didn't need to sleep I might actually get everything that I want/need to get done done.)

I can't wait until our shipment of stuff comes! :)

gloomy tuesday...

So, here we are, another rainy day. I am in a funk. I think part of it is the weather, the cold, gray, rainy weather we've been having for what seems like forever. We've been cooped up in the house for what seems like an eternity. I know, I know...I could load the kids up and take them to the mall play area or to target and walk around...but the thought of bundling them up taking them out in the rain, wind, whatever...is not all that appealing.

I'm trying to think of stuff we can do that doesn't cost money, that doesn't involve hours of tv, and is short enough that we can do in between Bryce's feedings. While he is doing great at sleeping through the night, he makes up for the lack of eating by eating every 2 hours during the day. I probably should try to give him an extra ounce at each feeding, but he has a tendency to spit up, so I don't want to push it. Brianna has been having some set-backs. She had 4 accidents last week, and she wet the bed last night and had another accident today.

Beyond that, I think I'm just feeling a little burnt out. I love being home with my kids, but I feel like I never get 5 minutes to myself. The only time I get to myself is at the gym, but the gym is not a relaxing, enjoyable time for me. I go because I have to, and yes I feel good after I work out, but it is not the thing I would choose to do if I could do anything. The thing is is that I don't know what I want to do that is enjoyable anymore. I love to read, but I can't just sit in the house and read because if I am here, there is no quiet. And it seems silly to go somewhere else to read. I guess I need a hobby, but I don't even know where to start with that.

On top of all of this, I have to find time in the day to do my bookkeeping work and finish my transcription class, so any "free" time I do have I try to work on that stuff.

So, I am at an impasse, I need things to do with my kids, and I need to figure out something I can do to rejuvenate myself so I can be the kind of mom and wife I want to be. I am trying to come up with crafts that Brianna and I can do together, but am coming up short with ideas.

So, I'm posing some questions to you blog readers...
1. What are some of your craft ideas for a 3-year-old?
2. What do you do to give yourself some time to re-energize?
3. Have you experienced set-backs in potty training and what do you do about them?

hello again...

Well, I guess it has been a little bit since I've posted. Not too much going on, just the same old day-to-day stuff. I cannot wait for the weather to warm up so we can play outside, we've been playing lots of Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, and Memory lately also coloring and putting together puzzles. (All of which Brianna does better than me by the way). Other than that I've been busying myself with some work and trying to finish up my transcription class...I'm so close. I will be glad when I'm done. Naps as always are a battle with us, so it is really hard to get too much done during the day. We've got a few trips lined up for the next few weeks and I think March is going to fly by. Bryce has been doing really well sleeping (so I'm not sure why I'm so tired :)) I'm excited to take our little family on the road this weekend, it'll be nice to get out of the house and see some friends. Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post after this weekend. Until then, I'll leave you with this picture of Bryce. (it was taken on my phone so it is not the best quality)

Sorry for this boring post, my brain is not functioning well. Hopefully I'll be back soon with something of more substance. :)

more prayers...

Just a quick note to ask you all to pray for another little girl we know. Bob plays volleyball and softball on his work team and through this we have gotten to know a couple who has a little girl who will turn 3 in April. Her name is Ashley and she and Brianna have become friends and enjoy running around together at the games. In early December Ashley was diagnosed with leukemia. In mid-January (I think) she went into remission, but has to have intensive chemo once a week until Halloween. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as well as little Claire (there is a link to her caringbridge site on the left, if you want to keep up to date on her).

And with that I'm going to give you a link to my sister's Relay For Life donation page. As many of you know, we do the relay in Dyersville, Iowa every August. This year in addition to that my sister is getting involved in the Relay for Life in Wentzville, MO. If you can give, please do.

Health and love to you all.

happy valentine's day...

We are having a very low-key Valentine's day, hanging out at home, Bob is cooking dinner and I made dessert. Brianna has a bit of a cold, and we're both feeling a little burnt out still from having everyone last weekend and the mad rush of cleaning we did last week. Although it was completely worth it, but we need some time to recooperate now! :) My wonderful husband had flowers and candy sitting on the kitchen table when I woke up this morning, and after he got home from playing basketball I ran out to get him a card (nice planning huh). Brianna went with me and we wandered around Barnes and Noble for a while and then headed to Target. We got home and I started to work on our dessert and Bob and the kids took a nap (or at least he and Bryce took a nap).

Wishing you all a Valentine's Day filled with love and family, or at the very least, chocolate and dessert!

In my next life I aspire to be a pastry chef! :)

v-day crafts...

On our walk to Walmart on Tuesday I bought some construction paper and some foam letters/hearts/flowers. So yesterday after "naptime" (in which there were no actual naps that took place, but instead some quiet playing) we made and decorated some hearts. Other than a few foam pieces that the back didn't come off of well, it was an easy project that made Brianna happy because she got to use "stickers". As a side note I also bought her a pad of paper to draw in and by Wednesday afternoon she had drawn on every single page. She is our crazy little artist, always wanting to do projects, so I'm hoping the creative part of my brain starts working soon so we can have fun (hopefully inexpensive) things to do in the afternoons. Here are some pictures of our creations. (yes I made some too, what can I say...I love construction paper and stickers too! :))

thanks...

Just wanted to say thanks for all the kind comments about my post yesterday. I think I was just having a serious case of "mommy guilt" for whatever reason that day. I think some of it is just being cooped up in the house, but we're trying to get out when the weather is nice enough. I think I'm just frustrated with myself and thinking of anything I can to beat myself up more. BUT...I'm trying to take positive steps towards changing the negativity that consumes so much of my thoughts.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.

baptism...

Bryce was baptized this past weekend at St. John the Evangelist church. It was a nice little ceremony with 2 other babies being baptized. The deacon that officiated is a very nice and energetic man and is very easy to listen to. He also explained a lot about the sacrament which was very nice. He had all the kids that were there come up and help to bless the water. It was very sweet and the kids really enjoyed it. Bryce slept through the whole thing. (Come to think of it, I believe Brianna also slept through her entire baptism.) My brother-in-law Nick and Brian's girlfriend, Mary, agreed to be Bryce's Godparents. We were very happy that they agreed, we are certain they are the two best people for the job! :) We had a small lunch/party here at the house after baptism and it was great to have everyone here. My parents brought my grandmas from Iowa and Angie and Nick and the boys made the trip from Missouri. Even Brian flew in from Florida. It was great to have everyone together and the day was perfect in every way. Thanks for all who where here to help us celebrate! We are so lucky to have such a wonderful family!

2 months...

Last night was Bryce's 2 month checkup.
As a side note, his appointment was at 8pm. Does anyone else's peditrician's take appointments that late, Bob said there was another appointment available at 8:40, that just seems so late. It was 9pm before we got out of there.
Anyway, he had his checkup and all looks good. He weighs 11lbs 8oz and is 22 3/4 inches long. Both of those are in the 34th percentile for his age. His head is still on the small side but the doctor said, he looks fine and maybe the only thing to keep an eye on is his development (which is fine for his age right now). He said that his head looked fine for his body and didn't seem concerned, so I am not. :) He was impressed with Bryce's sleeping habits. For the last 2 weeks or so he has been sleeping at least 8 hours a night, hopefully I didn't just curse us by typing that! The doctor also commented on how laid back Bryce was, he got through the whole exam without any fussing or even a whimper. He just let the doctor do his thing and was just looking around at everythign. Brianna was a pretty laid back baby as well although she is pretty high strung now! :) Bryce had 2 shots (it used to be more but they've combined a couple of the vaccines now) and some drops/vaccine for rotovirus. Which by reading Jodie's experiences with that, I will gladly give Bryce something to keep that out of my house (I don't know where the exact posts for it are, but look through her archives, you'll read good stuff and see excellent pictures in the process!) ! He of course cried with the shots, but recovered pretty well. He wants to be held a little more today, but that is fine by me :) Soon enough he won't even want to give me a hug so I'll take all the snuggling I can get right now.

Funny story about the nurse who gave Bryce the shots. She came in and introduced herself and Brianna said "it is nice to meet you". Sue (the nurse) looked at her and said "did you just say nice to meet you?" she laughed and then proceeded to talk to Brianna for the rest of the time. Brianna told her all about her doctor kit that she has and asked about the shots Bryce was getting. Then she (Brianna) looked at Bryce and said "Buddy, you were VERY good!" That child never ceases to amaze me.

days like these...

Every now and then I have a day where it seems like everything goes wrong. From the moment I get up until the moment I go to sleep. It is those days where I feel like I have failed, failed my children, failed my husband, failed myself. Those days I think back on everything and can only find fault in everything I have done. Lately a lot of those things come back to the 2 months since Bryce was born. And one of my biggest sources of guilt with him, breastfeeding. I had decided since I was going to be home with the kids after he was born to give it a shot. With Brianna I went back to work so early and just knew that wasnt' the right option for me, I never had any guilt about feeding her formula, not at all. But with Bryce, I had decided to try, and then he was born early, and then he was in the NICU. I tried for 2 1/2 weeks, by the end of that time, I was crying all the time and was dreading him crying because I knew he was hungry again. I was miserable, and so was he, so I stopped. He started formula and started gaining weight super fast, he was sleeping better and was just generally more content. It seems that we made the right decision, however why am I sitting here 2 months later still completely racked with guilt and beating myself up, telling myself that if I had been stronger we would have worked through the bad and we'd all be happy right now and we wouldn't be spending gobs of money on formula, etc. I wanted it to be a good experience for us both, I wanted it to be a bonding time with my boy, but it wasn't and I can't help but feel like it is my fault. It seems like it comes so naturally to some people so I wonder what is wrong with me that it didn't come naturally. This is just one of the many things I dwell on when things don't seem to be going well. Do you (all two of you that read my blog :)) have a certain thing that you dwell on when you have a bad day? Or am I the only one that does crazy stuff like this?

my sweet boy...

How is it possible that he is 2 months old already? He is growing so much every day, it is amazing to me. He really is a good baby. For the last week to week and a half he has slept from about 10 until 6. It is a marvelous thing! He is smiling and laughing and just generally in a good mood most of the time. He follows Bob and I with his eyes as we walk around the room and laughs and smiles at Brianna when she gets in his face (which is quite often). He slept through his entire baptism ceremony even when the water was poured on his head, not a peep out of him. As the deacon said "he is going to be a good Catholic, whenever an ordained person comes near him he falls asleep!" I'm excited to watch him as he grows and as his personality develops. I wonder if he will have Bob's athletic ability or my love of books, if he will laugh at things he has seen a million times like his dad does or if he will get quiet when he is angry, like I do. I'm excited to see the person he is going to become. I'm so lucky to be along for the ride!

my girl...

After just coming in from a nice stroll to the store I was sitting down to write out Thank-you's for Bryce's baptism and felt compelled to write a post about Brianna.

Oh this girl, what can I say about her that I haven't been for the last 3 1/2 years? She is the sweetest most difficult girl I know. She says things that leave me with my mouth hanging open wondering where and the world she comes up with this stuff. She loves to draw and color, sing and dance. She is our little drama queen. She is growing right before my very eyes, and at times she is so challenging that I pray to just get through the day without losing it. Because this girl, well she really knows how to push my buttons. She acts and speaks beyond her years so often that I tend to forget that she is only 3. I'm not using that as an excuse, sometimes she is downright awful and her age is no excuse, but I know that I expect a lot from her and it is somewhat unfair at times. She is beautiful and confident, so much so that at times I wonder if she is really my child. (and then she'll do something that is distinctly me and I no longer wonder :)) She is so sweet (most of the time) and I think genuinely does feel bad when she does something wrong, she says she is sorry when she hurts someone's feelings and she will hug you and tell you not to cry if you are. She is my girl, and I love her will all of my heart, I was meant to be her mom. And in those good days I know that I'm doing something right, and in those bad days all I can say is..."I'm sorry mom and dad!" and know that they are laughing and enjoying every minute of it.

so tired...

Baptism pictures are uploaded. Will write more about the weekend when I'm not soo tired. Enjoy.

why can't i do that?

Yes, I know I'm much bigger than she is and I wouldn't really fit there, but more generally, I'm talking about sleep. Yes, I sleep, but it is not something that generally comes easy to me. Brianna is just like Bob in that she can fall asleep at the drop of a hat (although she frequently chooses not to, why she chooses not to is beyond me, sleep is wasted on the young). In college, I would be coming home from a party...err...I mean the library (hi mom!) and walk by the window to the suite of our building where Bob lived (he lived on the floor directly below me, in fact in the room directly below mine...not that that has anything to do with this story)anyway, I would walk by and see Bob stretched out on 2 or 3 chairs (wooden with very little padding) with his textbook on the floor, his head hanging off the chair and his arm hanging limply over the side, sound asleep. He has done this several times at my parent's house too watching TV in the kitchen stretched out on kitchen chairs. Seriously, who can sleep like that? He has been known to fall asleep in the middle of a sentence, or even (my favorite) in the middle of playing a board game. He can lay down and shut his mind off and he falls into blissful sleep. Obviously his daughter has inherited that, because well...just look at her. I'm sure Bryce will be the same way, he can't even stay awake to eat. :) And then there is me.

I try to go to bed at a reasonable, even early time and I lay there, mind racing. It is almost as if during the day I can keep busy enough to keep my brain occupied and keep some of the garbage that clutters my mind at bay. But as soon as my head hits the pillow it all rushes back. I think about the craziest stuff, things I can't control but I wish I could, I make plans in my head that sometimes actually get followed, but sometimes forgotten until the next night when I try to sleep.

When I was working at Lake I would think about something that I couldn't figure out during the day, but usually it would come to me laying in bed or at least a new angle to try. Now that isn't an issue, but there is always some other problem that needs to be solved and while most of the time I don't find the answers, every once in a while I have a stroke of genius and then I get too excited to sleep (it is a never ending battle) Then there is usually a period where I think of everyone I miss, specifically my grandpas, how it seems that so much time has passed, but the hurt is still very much there. I pray (a lot) and thank God for the countless blessings in my life, even when it seems like things are going wrong, when I really stop to look I am so very lucky.

I think about money, time that I wish I had, time that had passed me by, and a large part of what I think about is how I failed during the day. How I didn't spend enought time with Brianna, how she watched too much TV, how I didn't cuddle with Bryce enough, how the house still isn't clean, how I didn't get to the gym, and the list goes on. I vow to try harder tomorrow, to spend more time, to have more patience, to cuddle more and yell less, but it seems like at the end of the day, I always have way more in my "fail" column than in my "success" column. (and there I go failing at my vow to be more positive :))

You would think that instead of laying there thinking of all the things I need to do I would just get up and do them, but I always think if I just lay here one more minute I'll fall asleep. And then I look over at Bob who has been sleeping for hours and I get angry. I know it's not his fault and I'm really not angry at him, I'm angry at myself for not being able to turn it all off.

So, I guess I'm off to try to sleep (yes I actually crawled in bed at 7pm tonight...it was a long day) and now everyone else has been sleeping for hours and here I sit.

Wishing you all peaceful sleep...(which you are probably getting now after reading this post! I tend to ramble and make no sense when I'm tired as well...have you noticed?)