Wednesday, November 02, 2011

it may be a long month...

Day 2 and I'm already struggling to get my post done. Not a good sign for the rest of the month. I'm hoping this exercise in writing everyday will be a good outlet for me. I think it has been hard for me to write the last couple of months because there is all this stuff that is hard to discuss, and I guess part of me is worried that people will be upset that I'm complaining about things that in the scheme of things aren't that important, we are all healthy and relatively happy, we have a roof over our heads (two actually)I get all of that and believe me I am truly thankful for all of those things, but I'm struggling...this living apart thing is hard, harder than I thought it would be I think. I'm tired and I feel like I'm not being a good mom, wife, daughter, friend or employee. I feel like every day is a battle just to keep my head above water, and while I'm surrounded by people who love and support me, I feel like I'm failing them. I feel a little beat down and broken right now. I have faith that it will all turn around and someday I will look back at this time in my life and know that it made me stronger and shaped the person I am, but right now, in the thick of it it is hard to see the positive side. This is the right thing for us, in my heart I know that to be true, but I'm sort of wishing what was right didn't have to be so damn hard all the time. But as they say...this too shall pass.
This is a pretty "woe is me" post. I know all of this is hard on our entire family, please don't think I am that self-absorbed to think this is only hard on me, but it is my blog and from my point-of-view so this is what you get! :)
But given that this is a month to be thankful I would like to say thanks to my parents (both the ones I was born to and the ones who have treated me like their own since I met their son) words could ever adequately thank you for all that you do for us..for me. We could not do any of this without your love and support. You mean more to us than you could ever possibly know. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for everything.
And with that I'm going to work for a while. Goodnight Blogland!

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