Thursday, March 03, 2011


It inevitably happens, you get a rock to your windshield, a tiny chip in the thick glass.  A nuisance, but nothing to really get bent out of shape about.  You'll get it fixed, no problem...but time and life goes on and you forget, until one day you notice that from that chip there is now a tiny crack.  You again say you'll get it fixed while it is still fixable, while it is still no big deal.  But here comes life again and your tiny chip and small crack get pushed to the back burner yet again.  Suddenly you wake up one day, go out to your car and realize that over time that tiny chip has destroyed your windshield.  Little crack by tiny little crack, your windshield is broken.  All those things that were no big deal...suddenly when put together are a damn big deal. 
I feel like a windshield today, one that has been chipped away at, little crack by little crack. Nothing major is wrong, no catastrophic thing happened.  But today, all of the little things have shattered me.  I am not a positive person by nature, I have to consciously decide that I'm going to look at things on the bright side to find the positive where there seemingly isn't.  But I only see darkness, the bad and the struggles.  Today there seems to be no sunshine or light at the end of the tunnel.  I am (mildly-unsuccessfully) willing the tears not to fall because I don't want the kids to see me broken.   Right now I don't know how to put myself back together. 

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