Thursday, August 26, 2010

a big fail...

Today...today is a big fail. The jar thing...well, it isn't going so well. Today I endured 2+ hours of whining and crying about how she can't pick up her room and it is just too hard and she needs help. I was calm and reminded her about her jar. She asked for a snack, I calmly told her no, she didn't get a snack until her room was picked up. (This was all after she cried and screamed because she didn't like the lunch I made her...and that I wouldn't give her chocolate milk). Of course Daddy came home and her room wasn't picked up. I gave her more time, told her to get it picked up and then come say hi to Daddy, she looked like she was going to get it done. Nope. 20 minutes later it looked exactly the same. Here we are at 7:30, she is in bed for the night (a good 2 hours before she normally goes to bed) and her most prized possessions removed from her room. I did not lose my temper, I did not yell. I tried talking to her calmly and listened to her feelings, but I don't feel any closer to an answer. I feel broken. I want to cry. I want to scream. I know she is 5 and I know I expect a lot out of her, but it is nothing she isn't capable of. She is very articulate most of the time, but when I ask her why it is so hard for her and what makes it hard she can't tell me, she can't find the words. I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of the yelling, the whining, the anger and frustration that falls over my family on nights like these. I know this is all just the beginning of the battles we will face, and it seems dramatic to be sitting here crying over this, but I feel heartbroken that I can't effectively communicate with my 5 year old...how the hell are we ever going to make it through the stuff when she is 15?

3 comments:

Abbie said...

OH I am feeling you tonight. I have the most stubborn 2 and a half year old in the world.
I admire the fact that you kept your cool. I am unable to do that most days and I see the issues my temper is creating in my daughter. You need to think of the days that you don't yell, scream or loose it as successes! Each day it will get easier. Don't give up on the jar idea either; keep reminding her of the reward, what she is working toward and what she has to do to get that reward. I think it is a great idea and will work in the end.
You are doing great! Stay strong and know that she is a good girl she is just working out her independence right now.

Sarah Weipert said...

Good job! You did what you told her you would do. Now she knows you mean business and that you will follow through with consequences. I am willing to bet it will get better from here! Keep us posted...

Holly said...

If it makes you feel better, Lily is exactly the same way. She will not clean up her room by herself. I just don't get it either. Ella has been picking her room up by herself since she was four. I think Lily gets overwhelmed and just doesn't know where to start. I think she gets distracted easily and forgets what she needs to do. I'm not sure what to do about it either. If you come up with a miracle cure please pass it along.

I do think you're doing the right thing by trying different things and trying to keep your cool. I hardly ever had a clean room as a kid. Maybe it's a big your battles situation???